Single Moms

kittycat005
4 year old will not Potty
November 17, 2012 at 11:24 AM

I have an almost 4 year old who refuses to go potty. His teachers at school say he is ready and that I have to be tough and ot give in and want me to get it done over thanksgiving. I have stayed in the bathroom reading him books, singing songs, playing with toys and nothing works. We now have his little potty in front of the tv where he is sitting now . Please advise.....

Replies

  • Andrewsmom70
    November 17, 2012 at 11:42 AM
    Is he wearing underwear or what?
  • PoplarGrove
    November 17, 2012 at 11:42 AM

    Has he told you why he doesn't want to use the toilet (I hate the word potty).  It could either be stubborness, anxiety or he really isn't ready yet, either emotionally or physically.  In any case wanting you to "get it done" over Thanksgiving, a busy and often tiring time, is really unrealistic.  

    My daughter had anxiety and sensory issues that made it hard for her to use the toilet until she was over 5 years old.  What I did was tell her that by 4 she was able to change her own diaper and wipe or wash herself when she used it.  For 6 months she changed her peed in diapers herself and asked for help with poopy ones (I'd help her wipe herself and then she'd get in the shower and wash the rest off).  Eventually she decided it was easier to try going in the toilet. At 5 years, 4 months she was fully daytime toilet trained. At 6 she still wears a pull up at night and it is wet 50% of the time still.  When she's ready she'll give those up.  

    IMO, as a mother of 4, not as a professional in any respect, I think you need to make the incentive for using the toilet better than the incentive for going in a diaper.  If you've chosen to go without diapers then the incentive for going on the floor needs to be less than using the toilet.  Have him clean up the mess himself (and then really clean it up when he isn't looking, lol) if he's doing it on the floor and have him change his own diapers.  If he's sitting on a toilet in front of the t.v. he's not learning when his body needs to eliminate he's just using the potty chair as a diaper that needs to be emptied.  

  • Andrewsmom70
    November 17, 2012 at 11:48 AM
    Putting the potty in front of the tv isn't typically the best option, especially for an older child that's already resistant to using it. Putting it in front of the tv or in another room beside the bathroom doesn't teach them that they have to stop what they are doing to go use the restroom. And once they start using the regular toilet, a lot of kids trained that way end up making messes in their pants because they don't want to stop what they are doing to go to the bathroom.

  • mytrueloveS
    November 17, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    Keep track of his bowl movements.  When I saw that it was time for my son to go, I would sit him in the toilet until he pooped or peed.  It worked for him, but I don't know what might for your son.  Good luck! 

  • kittycat005
    November 17, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    So funny he pees in the potty now and he put under ware on to poo. So I made him clean out the under ware and I wiped him but made him throw the wipes away one by nasty one then wash his hands. Thanks for the advice I am going to make him carry a small back pack with pull ups and wipes and change his own diapers from now on. Made up my mind thats it! (I also have a really nice kid craft firehouse for him, for when he acomplishes going number two in the toilet).

  • Andrewsmom70
    November 17, 2012 at 1:42 PM
    Pull ups are just glorified diapers. They are not a help to most kids because there is no negative consequence for peeing in them because the wetness is absorbed just like with a diaper. Most kids need the pee running down their legs to realize they'd prefer using the toilet instead.


    Quoting kittycat005:

    So funny he pees in the potty now and he put under ware on to poo. So I made him clean out the under ware and I wiped him but made him throw the wipes away one by nasty one then wash his hands. Thanks for the advice I am going to make him carry a small back pack with pull ups and wipes and change his own diapers from now on. Made up my mind thats it! (I also have a really nice kid craft firehouse for him, for when he acomplishes going number two in the toilet).


  • Mommyto2LilMen
    November 17, 2012 at 2:40 PM
    Good luck.
  • iHay
    by iHay
    November 17, 2012 at 3:04 PM
    Pretty much this. I have an almost 6 year old who is still having accidents and wetting the bed about 75% of the time. We cant use pullups cause it turns into a fight. It could be that your son isnt ready. You need to evaluate him and expecting you to just get it done isnt realistic.

    Quoting PoplarGrove:

    Has he told you why he doesn't want to use the toilet (I hate the word potty).  It could either be stubborness, anxiety or he really isn't ready yet, either emotionally or physically.  In any case wanting you to "get it done" over Thanksgiving, a busy and often tiring time, is really unrealistic.  

    My daughter had anxiety and sensory issues that made it hard for her to use the toilet until she was over 5 years old.  What I did was tell her that by 4 she was able to change her own diaper and wipe or wash herself when she used it.  For 6 months she changed her peed in diapers herself and asked for help with poopy ones (I'd help her wipe herself and then she'd get in the shower and wash the rest off).  Eventually she decided it was easier to try going in the toilet. At 5 years, 4 months she was fully daytime toilet trained. At 6 she still wears a pull up at night and it is wet 50% of the time still.  When she's ready she'll give those up.  

    IMO, as a mother of 4, not as a professional in any respect, I think you need to make the incentive for using the toilet better than the incentive for going in a diaper.  If you've chosen to go without diapers then the incentive for going on the floor needs to be less than using the toilet.  Have him clean up the mess himself (and then really clean it up when he isn't looking, lol) if he's doing it on the floor and have him change his own diapers.  If he's sitting on a toilet in front of the t.v. he's not learning when his body needs to eliminate he's just using the potty chair as a diaper that needs to be emptied.  

Single Moms