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calgal_39
Ex getting remarried....planning on how to tell 5 year old son
November 13, 2012 at 2:36 PM

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone can offer some feedback on this situation. So ex husband and I divorced when our son was only 2 months old; his understanding of divorce has been "I stay with mommy on so and so days and daddy on so and so days". Ex-husband recently shared news of his engagement with me and that he and his fiancee were planning on telling our son about their engagement that same day. I told him to hold off on sharing news of his engagement, given that our son doesn't even understand our divorce yet much less comprehending that his father is remarrying. 

Any tips on how to discuss divorce and remarriage to a 5 year old?

Many thanks in advance! 

Replies

  • LifeCafe42
    November 13, 2012 at 2:39 PM
    He probably knows the fiancé already let his dad tell him 5 year olds catch on pretty fast
  • Stephd710
    November 13, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    Im sure he understands alot more than you give him credit for.  Waiting is only going to make it worse.  Since he was so young when you divorced, he probably has no memory of it.  Just let his dad tell him about the engagement and then field the questions as they come.  I really dont think it will be as bad as you think its gonna be. 

  • Mommyto2LilMen
    November 13, 2012 at 6:08 PM

    I agree!!!

    Quoting LifeCafe42:

    He probably knows the fiancé already let his dad tell him 5 year olds catch on pretty fast


  • faerie75
    November 13, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    just have him sit your son down with his fiancee ([provided he knows her)n and they can tell him. they should tell him he can ask any questions he wants. also let him know that you are ok with this and that he can ask you any questions as well. i suggest the latter because regardless whether you are REALLY ok with it, as long as they are mostly civil with you, and are good to your son, then you should support that he has an ok relationship with his dad and step mom, not guilted into a loyalty conflict. i cant stand my SO's babys mom but one thing i am grateful for is she doesnt say antyhing bad about me to the kids or make them feel guilty, and likewise i never let on that i dont care for their mom.  

  • brieri
    by brieri
    November 13, 2012 at 8:05 PM

     That's really up to your ex tellling him.  The best way to go about it is, for the two of them to sit down together with your son and explain to him what is going to happen. 

  • Soasabre99
    November 14, 2012 at 9:13 AM

    At least you were given a heads up.  My kids didn't even know about their father remarrying until after he already got remarried!!  My kids were about to turn 3 and 5 when we separated and then 5 and 7 when he got remarried.  My ex and her quickly went to the court house before he was shipped off to Korea with the army and I found out about it through his family who also found out about it days later.  Well needless to say, new baby sister arrived a short 8 months later so I wonder why they got married so quickly...lol  I was the one to sit down and tell them and then I was the one to tell them that the new lady (who they hadn't even met because no one really knew they were "dating") was pregnant.  Dad was in Korea this whole time and they talked to him via skype maybe once a month.  So, I think your son will handle it a lot better then my two have because of him having both of you to support him and explain it to him!!

  • ms-superwoman
    November 14, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    You should let dad tell him. And I am sure he understands a lot better than you think.

  • calgal_39
    November 14, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    Thank you all for your helpful feedback!

  • tyfry7496
    November 14, 2012 at 8:12 PM
    I agree. A 5 yr old knows a lot more than your giving him credit for. He can understand divorce and Dad should tell him about the marriage as soon as possible.

    Quoting LifeCafe42:

    He probably knows the fiancé already let his dad tell him 5 year olds catch on pretty fast
  • shudderette
    November 14, 2012 at 8:25 PM

    My youngest was 3 at time of divorce and is almost 6 now. I'm getting remarried in less than a month and their dad is getting remarried next fall. We share custody. My kids were excited when we told them we'd gotten engaged. We've been living together for a year so not much will change except my last name. We are still just as much a family today as we will be in 4 weeks.

    He will be their step dad and they will have step aunts and uncles and grandparents. Df's dad said they can call him what everyone else does which is "Daddy Steve". His family doesn't care that my kids aren't biological, they're their new grandkids and they're excited about it :) More family = more people to love and support them, in my opinion. 

    The title of "mom" and "dad", however, are sacred. I am the only "mom" they will ever have. They know they are not to call his fiance mom and my df dad. They call them by their first names. I think that helps them be clear on the role they play in their lives. Their dad and I are their parents. Our spouses help us though and support us in our role as parent, kwim? 

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