Single Moms

manda-nicole010
Facing Divorce...
November 6, 2012 at 6:09 PM

My relationship has had a lot of ups and downs... I'm more than 90% sure that my marriage is over and that there is no saving it. I have one daughter and am carrying his son. 

I just don't have many places or people to turn to for the support you need in this kind of decision so I thought I'd try this group and see if there is any words of advise anyone can share or what. :/ 

Replies

  • brieri
    by brieri
    November 6, 2012 at 6:11 PM

     Hi and welcome to the group.

    have you tried marriage counseling as your last resort before divorcing.  Sometimes you need some spark to get it back.  Because once you get a divorce there is no looking back and it can be hard to deal with. 

  • sthflachk
    November 6, 2012 at 6:12 PM
    Awww. Welcome. Good luck. I hope you don't join our group very long if you can work things out.
  • manda-nicole010
    November 6, 2012 at 6:18 PM

    He refuses marriage counseling. He refuses any type of counselling for anything. He has a lot of personal issues and he won't go to therapy for those either.

    I don't want a divorce. And if I leave him I won't jump straight to that. he just keeps going farther and farther every time and I can't handle the hurt anymore.  

    Quoting brieri:

     Hi and welcome to the group.

    have you tried marriage counseling as your last resort before divorcing.  Sometimes you need some spark to get it back.  Because once you get a divorce there is no looking back and it can be hard to deal with. 


  • manda-nicole010
    November 6, 2012 at 6:20 PM

    Thank you. 

    I'm hoping I find the support I need and some advice on whether or not it is even fixable. I guess that depends on him and the issues he's having though. I want to try but I can't handle the way he treats me anymore.  

    Quoting sthflachk:

    Awww. Welcome. Good luck. I hope you don't join our group very long if you can work things out.


  • sthflachk
    November 6, 2012 at 6:39 PM
    Ok....so, spill. Tell us about it so we can help. But you have to tell both sides as you see it.

    Quoting manda-nicole010:

    Thank you. 

    I'm hoping I find the support I need and some advice on whether or not it is even fixable. I guess that depends on him and the issues he's having though. I want to try but I can't handle the way he treats me anymore.  

    Quoting sthflachk:

    Awww. Welcome. Good luck. I hope you don't join our group very long if you can work things out.


  • manda-nicole010
    November 6, 2012 at 6:55 PM

    It's a pretty long story because I don't know what all would tie in to what. I'll do the best I can at including but keeping short and then questions can be asked from there. 

    He lost his job about 4 months ago. We lost our home and moved in with his parents. He finally got a job down here not quite 2 weeks ago. So, a very stressful living situation.

    I'm pregnant, moody, and stressed.

    We had been fighting and they would get physical and violent and he would throw stuff and then drive off for hours. He'd call me names and scream at me even when I was holding our daughter and while I was pregnant. This started BEFORE he lost his job and before any stress started.

    When we moved it got worse. I ended up in the ER because he threw me into the dashboard of the car three times and the last time just left the car in the middle of the road when some other man helped me figure out where I was and prevented others from hitting me. The reason he did this? We were fighting, he was speeding, we couldnt afford a ticket. I asked him to slow down. He refused. I asked agian. He refused to do the speed limit. I threatened to open the door and get out if he didn't slow down. He refused to slow down so I opened the door of the car while it was moving. (That's my mistake and my stupidity). He slammed the breaks, threw me into the dashboard on purpose for the third time that day and just got out leaving door open and everything screaming "fuck you" at me. I was pretty hurt and had to make sure baby was okay. - We both did really stupid things that day and I regret what i did and am ashamed for it. I admit it and know I was in the wrong. He tells me I deserved to be thrown into the dashboard and all he did was wrong scream fuck you at me.

    I get home from the hospital. He is still mad. I'm still mad. (he didn't go to hospital with me btw) He gets pissed that I won't talk to him right away and when I do try to talk to him is still mad. He threatens to leave. Having no extra money we can't afford for him to just drive off. I try to stop him. He bends my fingers back (I was holding on to the car door). He then tries to force me back inside. Once on the porch he grabs me by the back of my neck and pushes me inside while squeezing. I'm standing in front of the couch by the time he lets me go and am in the way of something he wants (I don't know what it was). I turn to face him and he shoves me (denies doing this as well) and says I was just in the way. 

    He drives off. When he finally gets home we go to bed, talk the next day everything seems fine.

    He starts his attitude again at a later date. I am terrified of what his temper will push him to this time and when he does finally calm down I tell him that I'm done chasing him. He wants to leave, he can leave. I won't call or chase him. I'm done stopping him.

    He hasn't just left since.

    Since that conversation things started to get better. After a couple of weeks his attitude picks back up (he'd lost another job that he'd gotten in between the first on that fired him and the one he has now). It was due to physical violence, him and another employee got into a fight. Idk the details, don't know who is telling the truth, just know he got fired for it. 

    His attitude gets bad enough during the time with his constant attitude. We fight some. I decide if he can't get his crap together come March when I'll have the means of leaving, that I'm gone. He realizes I'm that close to being done (idk how) and we talk. He promises to work on his attitude... and he does for a little while.

    Then today it all stopped. He talked and had similar manerisms of the way he treated me when the fight got physical except this time it didn't. He tells our daughter to leave me along and says to her "mommy doesn't want you" because I had told her to stop doing something (she would turn my face while I was talking and we are working on teaching her not to do that).

    I had been having an emotional day because of my family which he knew about and while cleaning the living room I found a pair of socks that had somehow gotten poop on them (no idea how). I couldn't tell what it was and so I ask if he knew. turns out he'd found them and SET them on a shelf instead of putting them away. Then gets mad at me for being upset and getting onto him about doing it. That leads to us fighting and him tearing me down and calling me a bad mother and saying our daughter never wants me and all I do is push her away.

    This is far from the truth but he knows that being a bad mother is a bad fear of mine because of what my family has said to me because of the mothers I had growing up (abandoned in foster care by what and abused by the adopted one). I was around a lot of negative examples and never around good ones. I fight hard to not be the same type of mother. It's my biggest fear and weakness and he used it against me. :( I'm beyond crushed and after everything he has done, I just don't want to keep trying. 

    (the reason he said i was a bad mother is because at night our daughter has the routine of 'relaxing' with her dad if she can't get to sleep. one night a few nights ago he had to do homework so she 'relaxed' with me... when he got off of his computer she wanted to finish relaxing with him - I told him it stung a little that she wanted him over me. He chose to use that exact example and what I shared with him against me).  

    Quoting sthflachk:

    Ok....so, spill. Tell us about it so we can help. But you have to tell both sides as you see it.

    Quoting manda-nicole010:

    Thank you. 

    I'm hoping I find the support I need and some advice on whether or not it is even fixable. I guess that depends on him and the issues he's having though. I want to try but I can't handle the way he treats me anymore.  

    Quoting sthflachk:

    Awww. Welcome. Good luck. I hope you don't join our group very long if you can work things out.



  • sthflachk
    November 6, 2012 at 7:53 PM
    Well, honestly, I could have stopped after your first few sentences. Abuse is never good and if it only happened after the financial troubles began that would be one thing but you said it started before.

    How long have you been together?
  • owl0210
    by owl0210
    November 6, 2012 at 8:03 PM
    Your husband is an abuser and the longer you stay the worse it will get.
  • Robsessed98
    November 6, 2012 at 8:05 PM
    Welcome to the group. Sorry you're having to go through this, but you've come to the right place for advice and support.
  • manda-nicole010
    November 6, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    4 years this December. He's always had a temper but that was the first time he became physical with me. Usually he just gets physical with other stuff. I always knew it would eventually lead to more. :/ I think I just know in my heart that it is over. 

    He can't even go a week without another fight happening. I know everything isn't his fault and I have no problem taking blame for the things I do wrong. I just don't feel that I've done anything to deserve all of what he has done. Especially not him telling my daughter I don't want her :( 

    Quoting sthflachk:

    Well, honestly, I could have stopped after your first few sentences. Abuse is never good and if it only happened after the financial troubles began that would be one thing but you said it started before.

    How long have you been together?


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