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MeeshMom
Help. My son says he never wants to see his dad again
October 10, 2012 at 2:26 PM
I had bd skip his visit this past weekend because my son is very upset with him. Bd has been pinching my son and also will pin him with his knees up to his chest to discipline. Every time I've told him to stop. Idk what else to do. My son told me yesterday that he never wants to see his dad ever again because he hurts him. I don't blame him. Idk what to do though.

I haven't told bd what my son said and don't want him to react. He's just a kid ya know. I hope he's willing to change and do parenting classes or something. Ugh. My sister said my son shouldn't have a say whether to visit his dad but just to nip his poor discipline skills. Easier said than done.

I wanna know has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I consult an attorney? Wtf do I do? And we do not have a CO for visitation or custody. Bd hasn't been involved in my sons life at all until this past May. We do supervised visits and a few times I let bd take my son out alone which I now regret.

Replies

  • Arwyn724
    October 10, 2012 at 2:45 PM

    I would go back to supervised visits, and try to get them court ordered.  If bio dad goes to court first and requests unsupervised visits, he might get them and then you are stuck.  Take your son to a counselor, who might hear of the abuse and be a court advocate for you.

  • Robsessed98
    October 10, 2012 at 2:49 PM
    I think you should tell bd what your son is saying. Since what youre telling hiim isnt sinking in, maybe hearing it from your sons perspective will wake him up. I agree that he should still be allowed to see him, not only because hes the dad and is making an effort to be one, but also because when you go to court (which imo should be done asap) he cant accuse you of denying him to see his son. My dd spent years dreading weekends with her dad, but I had to let her go anyway. Its a tough situation to be in, but unfortunately theres really no way around it.
  • brieri
    by brieri
    October 10, 2012 at 2:51 PM

     Becaused the BD is hearing it from you and not your son. Have your son continue visiting him  dad and if the dad continues the pinching , then the son needs to tell him to stop simply because it hurts.  If dad doesn't stop as requested by the son, then son has the right to say, to dad "I don't want to see you anymore."  Then after that in the future dad can contact son by phone or email to talk.

      

  • faerie75
    October 10, 2012 at 2:58 PM

     i would talk to BD and let him know that pinching and pinning are abusive and ineffective, that a swat on the butt is ok but not the others, and you dont want to do this but if he continues, you will have to go to court. let him know that your son is saying he doesnt want to see him and is scared. and that since their relationship is new, he needs to slow the hell down.

  • petite101
    October 10, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    I agree.

    Quoting Robsessed98:

    I think you should tell bd what your son is saying. Since what youre telling hiim isnt sinking in, maybe hearing it from your sons perspective will wake him up. I agree that he should still be allowed to see him, not only because hes the dad and is making an effort to be one, but also because when you go to court (which imo should be done asap) he cant accuse you of denying him to see his son. My dd spent years dreading weekends with her dad, but I had to let her go anyway. Its a tough situation to be in, but unfortunately theres really no way around it.


  • LeeLee375
    October 10, 2012 at 3:33 PM
    How old is your son? Not that what the father is doing would be ok at any age! Just wondering.

    What he's doing is wrong and especially in such a new relationship, I mean why would ur son ever want to see him again? I don't blame him.

    I would be afraid that it would get progressively worse, and I would not put my son in harms way! My children don't see their dad. It's an ongoing court issue, but I'll go to court forever if that's what it takes. He isn't fit to see them, and sometimes that's what you have to do.

    I wish you luck, and the very very best for your son.
  • MeeshMom
    October 10, 2012 at 3:36 PM
    My son is 5. So for his dad to be here only 5 months now its ridiculous he's doing this. He even admits his parents were abusive to him but he seems to think its okay.

    Quoting LeeLee375:

    How old is your son? Not that what the father is doing would be ok at any age! Just wondering.



    What he's doing is wrong and especially in such a new relationship, I mean why would ur son ever want to see him again? I don't blame him.



    I would be afraid that it would get progressively worse, and I would not put my son in harms way! My children don't see their dad. It's an ongoing court issue, but I'll go to court forever if that's what it takes. He isn't fit to see them, and sometimes that's what you have to do.



    I wish you luck, and the very very best for your son.
  • MsLogansMommy
    October 10, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    Poor little guy that must feel awful for him to have first not had any contact with bd then when bd does show up he is a complete ass I know this scenario all too well my dd wanted to know her dad so bad so I allowed him back in her life but it turned out he only wanted to be in my bed and didnt care about having a relationship with her and even though she is only 6 she can sense it she knows that he isnt interested in what she has to say she even told me that she didnt love him cause she doesnt feel it in her heart (I sure the hell felt something in my heart when I heard her say that I felt mine breaking for her) I just dont get how these men can be so unfeeling my dad wasnt like this shit got to him if I was mad at him when i was a child and were to say something particularly mean as kids can sometimes do I could physically see the hurt on his face and that would make me so sad to know i caused it. Men sure arent like they used to be

  • sjw87
    by sjw87
    October 10, 2012 at 4:35 PM

    What is your son doing that he feels he needs too or has the right to abuse him like that?

    If I was you, I would keep all records of what you see and what your son says, as in write it down. Get a court order ASAP.

     And keep the visitation supervised, let him know he is not to lay a hand on DS in an abusive or in anyway to correct his behavior. And if he does he will be asked to leave/you will take DS and leave. Until you can get to court,

    I would also call the court/DHS/lawyer to get all information you can about protecting your son. There is something wrong with this man if he feels its okay to lay a hand on a child like that no matter what relationship he has with the child.

  • aj_mom
    by aj_mom
    October 10, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    I would definitely consult your attorney also your local law enforcement-JMO.  How old is your son (also IMO) if he is of certain age I would think he would have some say as to whether or not he gets  to/has to visit.

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