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devynsmommy09
An Intervention for my Ex
October 8, 2012 at 3:32 PM

Long story short...called DFAS Friday to check on missed child support payments and they tell me that my ex is getting chaptered out of the ARMY(he was active reserve and stopped going to drill 7 months ago).  First I was pissed that he can't keep a damn job.  Now I feel sad that he won't do right by Devyn. 

His phone has been turned off.  I think he's living with his GF whom I found escort ads for online.  And I'm pretty sure that his car has probably been reposessed by now too.

I thought about calling his mom to schedule an intervention but his granny died Friday so I have to wait.  Honestly, I wonder if it is even worth it.  He wont change until he wants to change, right?  But what if he wants to change and he just needs help?  Idk.  I grew up, I don't understand why he wont.

What do you think?  Should I bother with an intervention or just let him drown?

Replies

  • wigglesmomma22
    October 8, 2012 at 3:48 PM

     I think its a nice thought, but to be honest, I would let him do what he thinks he needs to do.  Often times, it takes him realizing it, no matter how much anyone else talks to them about it.  Thats just my opinion.  Then again, I find it hard to believe that people will change, so you might to take it with a grain of salt...

  • Angelicmom24
    October 8, 2012 at 3:48 PM
    Do u think his family is seeing the same down slide with him or just u because u truly need every one close to him on board or he will just take it as an attack and not trying to help
  • devynsmommy09
    October 8, 2012 at 3:55 PM

    His mom has actually washed her hands of him.  She called me when he first stopped going to drill and asked me to help.  We had actually gotten engaged again earlier this year and when I confronted him about it things went VERY south.  So I think his mom would back me if I told her he needed her help.  His dad has washed his hands too but I don't think he's going to come around anytime soon.

    Idk, maybe you guys are right.  I should just leave it alone.

    Quoting Angelicmom24:

    Do u think his family is seeing the same down slide with him or just u because u truly need every one close to him on board or he will just take it as an attack and not trying to help


  • easinpc
    by easinpc
    October 8, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    I agree with this!  Good luck!

    Quoting Angelicmom24:

    Do u think his family is seeing the same down slide with him or just u because u truly need every one close to him on board or he will just take it as an attack and not trying to help


  • h_minkus
    October 8, 2012 at 3:59 PM
    I think he has to reach his rock bottom in order to find his way back up. He has to get to a point where HE wants to change. I think an intervention would be futile and may even make him rebel. :/
  • steviechick
    October 8, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    My ex is in the National Guard.  I could have easily filed an Article 134 against his ass, but I decided not to just for the mere fact that he owed me $ from our divorce settlement.  Good thing i didn't.  He has filed a Chapter 7 in August.  Which puts me and my daughter on a 'stay' basis until the bankruptcy has been officially filed in the bankruptcy court.  My ex will owe me and my DD back pay for college funds and for two personal loans he owes me.  My ex tried to embezzle money from me while he was having an affair while he was active duty and he snuck furniture out of the house while he was having an affair as well.  He gave the personal loans I gave to him to his pregnant girlfriend (now wife).  My ex didn't even have me and my DD on TriCare coverage nor had our ID cards renewed so he could cover-up his affair and the mere fact that he had fathered a son with this gf.  He's a 53 year old E-5 in the National Guard.  A total loser to his entire family including his own parents.  He's been disowned by them as well.  My ex and his new wife also work for the state.  So, the both of them could have had an ethics code violation charge against them.  I could have done a lot of damage to them.  But, in the long the run I was much better off just letting things go.  I wanted my loans paid back and I want to make sure my daughter has financial help while she attends college.  I know in the long run karma plays a huge role in our lives whenever we do something diabolical and devious behind people's backs.  My ex and his new wife will end up divorcing in a few years.  My ex is mentally unstable.  He's a sociopath, bipolar and has a split personality.  God will do justice to my ex.  I say just let things go with your ex.  Like I did my ex.  People like our exes will end up continuing to screw up their lives.  It's part of their personality and behavior that even they can't change without therapy.  My ex has needed help for a long time.  I was naieve to think I could 'change' him.

  • devynsmommy09
    October 8, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    OMG, where were you like 8 years ago??? Lol. 

    And its nice to know that there is someone else out there dealing with the same crap.  I thought the military would take him and turn him into a man but clearly they gave up on him too.

    I hate that he is choosing this path. 

    Thanks for the advice!

    Quoting steviechick:

    My ex is in the National Guard.  I could have easily filed an Article 134 against his ass, but I decided not to just for the mere fact that he owed me $ from our divorce settlement.  Good thing i didn't.  He has filed a Chapter 7 in August.  Which puts me and my daughter on a 'stay' basis until the bankruptcy has been officially filed in the bankruptcy court.  My ex will owe me and my DD back pay for college funds and for two personal loans he owes me.  My ex tried to embezzle money from me while he was having an affair while he was active duty and he snuck furniture out of the house while he was having an affair as well.  He gave the personal loans I gave to him to his pregnant girlfriend (now wife).  My ex didn't even have me and my DD on TriCare coverage nor had our ID cards renewed so he could cover-up his affair and the mere fact that he had fathered a son with this gf.  He's a 53 year old E-5 in the National Guard.  A total loser to his entire family including his own parents.  He's been disowned by them as well.  My ex and his new wife also work for the state.  So, the both of them could have had an ethics code violation charge against them.  I could have done a lot of damage to them.  But, in the long the run I was much better off just letting things go.  I wanted my loans paid back and I want to make sure my daughter has financial help while she attends college.  I know in the long run karma plays a huge role in our lives whenever we do something diabolical and devious behind people's backs.  My ex and his new wife will end up divorcing in a few years.  My ex is mentally unstable.  He's a sociopath, bipolar and has a split personality.  God will do justice to my ex.  I say just let things go with your ex.  Like I did my ex.  People like our exes will end up continuing to screw up their lives.  It's part of their personality and behavior that even they can't change without therapy.  My ex has needed help for a long time.  I was naieve to think I could 'change' him.


  • brieri
    by brieri
    October 8, 2012 at 6:55 PM

     Let him come to you first.  Don't bother him.

  • dobrd
    by dobrd
    October 8, 2012 at 8:07 PM

    devynsmommy09, Why would you want or feel the need to clean up 'HIS' actions?? Let him drown.. There is no reason to call his mother either. It's not her's to be involved with.. If you grew up, then focus on you/Devyn.. He's a 'RUNNER'.. Let him go out of your lives for good.. We can't do anything about your ex. He isn't a priority in your life only for money.. Your baby IS a #1 priority, so, put him aside. Wandering in your head won't change a thing.. Prayers for you/Devyn.. Take Care, Donna....

  • Refurbished
    October 8, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    But what if he wants to change and he just needs help?

    People who want to change don't need other people to force them to do it.  He is exactly who he wants to be. 

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