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devynsmommy09
Should a 3 Year Old Attend a Funeral?
October 8, 2012 at 9:39 AM

So...a while ago, my ex TOLD me that he was taking my son to a funeral.  I told him I didn't think appropriate...the argument was cut short when I found out that the woman (his paternal grandmother) hadn't even died yet!!!  This was two months ago.

Well...she died Friday.  The funeral is Saturday.

Since my last argument with my ex and his new gf (an escort) in early September, I havent heard from either of them about the funearl again.

Well my ex mother in law called me last night.  Not knowing any better, I answer the phone.  She proceeds to tell me that she wants to take Devyn to the funeral on Saturday and asked if I can meet her in Orageburg on Friday.

For the first time in my life, I didn't beat around the bush.  I flat out said...no, I don't think its appropriate for a 3 year old to go to a funeral.  She gets quiet and tells me that she doesn't see a problem with him going and that I am welcome to come if I fear for his safety....clearly she isn't getting it so I ask her if Devyn has ever met the deceased...she says no...I say so...don't you think its strange to take a 3 year old to a funeral for someone he has never met?  She spends another two minutes or so justifying it and then tells me to think about it.

I have a pretty decent relationship with her.  I bring Devyn to her whenever she is in town and she does little things for him (sends him money a few times a year, buys him presents on Christmas and birthday) and I really hate to ruin the relationship but it also upsets me that she doesn't acknowledge that I as a mother am saying that I don't feel comfortable with it and she keeps pushing.

What would you guys do?

Woud you let him go?
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 36% - Yes
  2. 37% - No
  3. 26% - Only If I Went With Him

Replies

  • boeks
    by boeks
    October 8, 2012 at 9:54 AM
    I took my son to at least two funerals befor he was 5. He was very good for me. I think young children understand better what's going on and respond well. I've seen several small children at funerals and they seem to be more concerned with making people feel better then causing trouble.
  • shudderette
    October 8, 2012 at 9:55 AM
    Whose funeral? Did they know the person well?
    I took my kids to funerals when they were younger but now only if they know the person well.
  • michiganmom5150
    October 8, 2012 at 9:56 AM
    It depends on who it is. If it's a family member or close friend, yes..
  • easinpc
    by easinpc
    October 8, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    I think it would depend on how well behaved the child was, how long the funeral was going to be, who the funeral was for, and if the people there were understanding.  I would however make sure to sit in the back where I could easily slip out with him if he started to get loud.

  • devynsmommy09
    October 8, 2012 at 10:20 AM

    Sorry!  I didn't realize that I hit the post button already.  I updated the post.  My ex mother in law wants to take my son to a funeral for his paternal great grandmother whom he has never met.  I understand her wanting him to be around family but I feel its inappropriate.  He doesn't understand death yet, we havent ever had that talk, and there is no way he is going to sit still through the service.  I'm frustrated because I feel like the bad guy.  When I said no, she made it seem like its a matter of me not trusting them.  When I explained why I dont want him going, she told me to think about it and she will call me back.  WTF. 

    Quoting shudderette:

    Whose funeral? Did they know the person well?
    I took my kids to funerals when they were younger but now only if they know the person well.


  • SexyDiva19
    October 8, 2012 at 10:30 AM

     When my ds was 4, I took him to the funeral of his paternal grandmother. He had only met her when he was about 2 or 3 months old. It was also there that he met his father for the 1st time (to be able to recognize him)

    If you want him to go, take him, if not then don't. Maybe your ex just wants to be able to show your son off and claim to be a "dad"

  • Melissa_4
    October 8, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    If your son didn't know his father's grandmother, I don't think he should be in attendance.  3 is really too young to sit through the wakes and the funeral, and it seems like both his father and his paternal grandma are wanting to just show him off.  This is not the time or place for it.

  • MeeshMom
    October 8, 2012 at 12:51 PM
    When my son was a baby I brought him to my friends funeral. He never got to meet my son but his brother and their family were delighted to have my baby there. He cheered them up actually. I don't see the hurt in taking a child. I also took my son to a funeral for my great aunt when he was 2. If you don't want your kid around his father that's understandable. It depends on the relationship with the dad and the family really. 3 is kinda iffy for a funeral cuz they can't sit still well but that would be his gma's problem if she choose to supervise him.
  • PeaceLoveZ
    October 8, 2012 at 12:52 PM
    Calling hours yes, Funeral No.
  • shudderette
    October 8, 2012 at 1:09 PM
    I would stick to your guns. Say no. If there is a family get together (like a dinner afterward) then he could go for that but not the actual funeral.


    Quoting devynsmommy09:

    Sorry!  I didn't realize that I hit the post button already.  I updated the post.  My ex mother in law wants to take my son to a funeral for his paternal great grandmother whom he has never met.  I understand her wanting him to be around family but I feel its inappropriate.  He doesn't understand death yet, we havent ever had that talk, and there is no way he is going to sit still through the service.  I'm frustrated because I feel like the bad guy.  When I said no, she made it seem like its a matter of me not trusting them.  When I explained why I dont want him going, she told me to think about it and she will call me back.  WTF. 


    Quoting shudderette:

    Whose funeral? Did they know the person well?
    I took my kids to funerals when they were younger but now only if they know the person well.



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