My name is Mandi and I have a 9 month old son named Caleb. After a 3 year relationship (1 year and a couple of months of which we were married) I have finally realized that the hope I had in change and a better life never really had any basis, and that my soon to be ex husband was not willing to give me son and I the life of happiness that we both deserve. I've dealt with alcoholism, financial irresponsibility, and more cheating than I can even recall at this point, but have been so worn down and stepped on that I always managed to forgive or make excuses for his actions, blaming myself for not being a better wife, thinner, happier, more spontaneous...whatever I could make up at the time. I finally realized that this is not my problem, that I do deserve a better life, and that even in those times when I doubt myself that my son most definitely deserves better. I'm having a really hard time right now because this has all come to a head in the past few days, but i'm trying to take steps to move forward, keep my head up, and get through this the best I can. It's ridiculous to me that it can hurt so bad to leave a husband that has caused me so much pain. At times i want to pick up the phone and tell him to come home, but I know I can't do that. I have spent the last 3 years hoping that things would get better, and it's really hard to get out of that mindframe and accept that things will not get better, he will never treat me like I deserve to be treated, and that the family I had dreamed of having with him is just that - a dream. I see a lot of struggle in the near future, and was just wondering how you all got through this. I hear it gets better, but it's hard to believe at this point. It seems almost unbearable right now. It doesn't feel right to sleep alone, I'm going to have to take down my wedding pictures...so many things to do, and so many painful memories. How do I get past this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? How long does this last?
by brieriOctober 7, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Hi and welcome to the group.
First let your mind wander for awhile and do some soul searching on yourself. Whenever the weather is good, go outside and put your child in the stroller and go for a walk. As your child starts growing he will begin walking, still go on those walks, let him smell the fiowers, pick a flower, pick up a bug and let him show it you. Eventually you will find there is a new world out there that you have probably never seen before when you were with your then husband. It takes time to get over the relationship, and as the time goes on it will get easier, You may just find somebody brand new, it's new for a short time, and history starts over again. So this time you have all the time in the world to take things as slow as you like and taking care of you and your son is your number one priority. If you have any past pictures of past loves you have maybe in an album go through them and see if you find something good in that person, it will get your mind off your ex at any rate. It's like a brand new season. Just as we go through each year.
by Cenedra64October 7, 2012 at 8:32 AMHi and welcome! Love your sons name. It takes time to get over someone. Ive been thru this twice. The best way to get past someone is to live well.
by LifeCafe42October 7, 2012 at 9:27 AMWelcome I'm glad you found us!
October 7, 2012 at 12:45 PM
by PaperClip811October 7, 2012 at 1:44 PM
Im sorry things are over, but it sounds like it's for the best. Your very best friend is time. Im not a divorcee so I dont relate much to your situation, but I've been cheated on and broken hearted and it just takes time. *hugs* and welcome to the group.
by deltathreeOctober 7, 2012 at 3:35 PM
Hi & welcome! :)
by Robsessed98October 8, 2012 at 4:42 AMYouve made the first huge step by finding enough self worth left to realize there is zero justification for him treating you like that and in turn treating the baby like that too. Youve got to get out now while you still can. Go to a relative or friends for a bit until you can think clearly about what you have to do to get your new life started. Serve him with child support papers immediately and refuse to talk to or see him for any reason other than to discuss visitation and have to matters about the baby. DONT talk about anything else with him. Get busy and stay busy job and house hunting and dont give that prick a second thought. You CAN AND WILL be able to do this and will in time look back on it without the pain. ((hugs))