Single Moms

Kenre
How would you handle this?
by Kenre
October 5, 2012 at 10:22 PM
My eldest turned 5 the other day. He had an awesome day with a lot of friends helping make it wonderful. I met his father at our meeting place. As soon as I opened the back door my 5 year old yelled at his dad that he lied to him. That he promised to call on his birthday. Our child said he didn't want to go with his dad. We got him to go with his brothers to his dad's van. His dad shut the door on his van and turned to me and accussed me of reminding our son that he didnt call, told me that I didnt remind him (my ex), and that I should have had our son call my ex. I didnt know that my ex promised to call. What would you have done?

Replies

  • MeeshMom
    October 5, 2012 at 10:34 PM
    Let him bitch about it and tell him once, you did not remind your son and you didn't know. Your son is old enough to remember shit on his own. Plus it's not your fault he didn't call. The end. If he whines then too bad.
  • tyfry7496
    October 5, 2012 at 10:34 PM
    I would have told him that it's HIS responsibility to call his child on the child's birthday. That he needs to growup and remember his own child's birthday. Also, that his child is old enough to form his own opinion on how dad treats him and if he doesn't want his son to say those things he needs to STEPUP AND BE A PARENT.
  • iHay
    by iHay
    October 5, 2012 at 10:40 PM
    Ignored him or just told him it was between him and ds.
  • sid1083
    by sid1083
    October 5, 2012 at 10:46 PM
    I'd have just said "sorry you feel this way. He's had a birthday on the same day every year for the last 5 years."
  • luvmykids555
    October 5, 2012 at 11:19 PM

    Real convenient that he blames you for HIS mistake. 

  • brieri
    by brieri
    October 5, 2012 at 11:45 PM

     I would pay no attention to him and walk away.

  • ImaSoulMom
    October 9, 2012 at 12:25 AM
    You are supposed to remind him to call? I would have peed myself laughing. Since I am horrible I probably would have said, "Sorry, the person who is supposed to remind me to remind you messed up. I'm just as mad. Grrr"

    Yeeeaaah, the sarcasm is what makes me so unpoopular. :)
  • Luv2BaMommy9809
    October 9, 2012 at 12:38 AM

    Nothing...it is not your responsibility to remind your child's father to call his own flesh and blood in his birthday.  Too many moms like to "save" the child from disappointmens and often make excuses for dumb dad mistakes.  It often brings on resentment from the child to them, instead of their dad, because they are the one's always taking the responsibility anyway, and it as soon as they are old enough to things clearly and for what they exactly are, the HUGE disappointment just comes crashing down and many kids often do not recover from that.

    Your little guy did the right thing.  He expressed himself in the manner an average 5 year old would.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.  You cannot possibly feel guilt or responsibility over something you didn't even know about, darling.  Do not do this to yourself!!  Even if you knew the dad promised to call, it still was none of your business and not your duty to remind your ex.  And since your little guys is quite vocal in telling his dad his disappointment, your child was just as capable of calling dad if he really wanted to talk to him.  That is not for you to decide.  Sure, you could have offered, "Hey, buddy, wanna call daddy and talk to him on your birthday?", but I think the damage would have been done anyway...you have a very astute 5 year old and I admire that in him and in how you are raising him to be his own free thinking and independent person.  My advice may be different if your child was different, but to me, given the specifics you have shared about you, your ex, and yourself, you have done nothing wrong and exdh is just trying to shift blame and make you out to be the bad guy and walk away bearing no responsibility.   Needless to say, I can definitely see why he is the ex!!

    GOOD LUCK, HONEY!!

  • cheshirekat
    October 9, 2012 at 9:43 AM

    I would have said it's not my job to remind you of something I didn't even know you promised your son in the first place. You should be able to remember your son's birthday without having to be reminded. Do not try to pass the blame to me when it was your fault. You have only yourself to blame.

  • Jasuzha
    by Jasuzha
    October 9, 2012 at 9:51 AM
    Exactly


    Quoting tyfry7496:

    I would have told him that it's HIS responsibility to call his child on the child's birthday. That he needs to growup and remember his own child's birthday. Also, that his child is old enough to form his own opinion on how dad treats him and if he doesn't want his son to say those things he needs to STEPUP AND BE A PARENT.

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