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MommyBri7
Finding time for yourself.
September 21, 2012 at 1:30 PM
With my 9mo son's father barely in the picture, I have him all the time. I'm sure there may be some other ladies like this on here. I work a few nights a week as a server and my mother or my best friend watches him during my shifts. Even though I'm getting time away from baby, it's still not great because I'm still "at work". I want a little time to myself. A girls night or a dinner out or even bowling. But I don't have anyone else that can babysit and I would feel bad asking my mom or friend to babysit another time. Any advice?

Replies

  • AlilKittyKat
    September 21, 2012 at 1:43 PM

    Unfortunately, when you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent you have more or less given up that 'me time'.  I have 3 kids and have been on my own for 5+ years, i can count on my hands how many times I've had 'me time'.  My older children are plenty old enough to watch themselves and their younger sister, but i still feel that it's not right to leave them that responsibility, unless it's to run to the store, parent teacher conference or something like that.  

    Of course i understand your want for getting out, we can all use it for our sanity, but that 'me time' for me is when my kids go to bed. 

  • steviechick
    September 21, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    Why don't you just ask your best friend to join you if you want to go out and have fun?  I would also ask your mom to see if she wouldn't mind giving you some free time so you can have fun?  It doesn't hurt to ask.  I'm sure your friend would like to have fun herself and enjoy some company with you. 

  • Barblicious
    September 21, 2012 at 6:33 PM

    Does your mother and friend offer to babysist? If they offer, don't feel bad asking.

    My daughter is just under 3 years old, and her dad left me when I accidentally became pregnant. To his credit (and more to my credit for dealing with his a** attitude during the years) he actually now takes her one night a week. But it is a monday night LOL !! So it isn't like I can get out and do much on  Monday night when I work full time.

    SO I have to rely on family to watch my kidlet when I might plan something out - which is actually pretty rare. Even though I know I have the option to ask family to watch my daughter - I rarely want to go out. After working full time while she is in day care, I really miss time with her. I'd rather spend time with my child, as she is only young once.

    YET there is times when I need adult conversation or a night to do nothing mom related... thing is I'm usually so tired I can't enjoy those times when they happen. LOL I knew that I was giving up my 'me' time when I became a mother, and didn't care - I'm almost 40 so I've lived a helluva life prior to being a mom, and don't feel I am missing out on anything.

  • amonkeymom
    September 22, 2012 at 12:34 PM

    I agree.  I'm sure your mom would be happy to help.

    Quoting steviechick:

    Why don't you just ask your best friend to join you if you want to go out and have fun?  I would also ask your mom to see if she wouldn't mind giving you some free time so you can have fun?  It doesn't hurt to ask.  I'm sure your friend would like to have fun herself and enjoy some company with you. 


  • MommyBri7
    September 23, 2012 at 1:33 AM
    Well the problem is that I recently had to move in with her again due to financial struggles so she sees him all the time already :/
  • Barblicious
    September 25, 2012 at 7:15 PM

    Well an honest open conversation with your mother couldn't hurt, could it?

    Your mother is helping you as is, and I am sure if you explained that you needed 'me' time once in awhile - she would understand. Sounds like it would be pretty easy for your mother, considering you all live together.

    Or is there some anger on your mother's part because you live with her? I don't see the problem in asking.

    Maybe offer to do something for your mother in return? So you don't feel like you are a burden. I think that is what is happening, you are feeling guilty. But you shouldn't.

    My mother has to drive over to my house and be at my home to sit for me, and then drive home tired afterward  even if I offer for her to sleep over but she always says no to that.

    Quoting MommyBri7:

    Well the problem is that I recently had to move in with her again due to financial struggles so she sees him all the time already :/


  • dutchmama2011
    September 25, 2012 at 7:29 PM
    U need to just enjoy the time u have with ur son! This is no longer about u! Whenever u want time alone just imagine what I u never got to spend time with ur son, charish every moment u spend with him!
  • PaperClip811
    September 25, 2012 at 8:13 PM

    I would just test the waters and ask your mom.. having a little 'you' time is really important.. she's a mom, Im sure she will understand. 

    Or maybe even work it in after a shift so they are already watching the baby? 

    I didnt get a lot of alone time when my kiddo was little, but having a break was great-- I hope you figure somthing out. 

  • PaperClip811
    September 25, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    Couldnt disagree more. Yes you give up some of that when you become a Mom, obviously priorities change and what not. but, Im still me, and I still want and need time to be that same person. I'm not willing to give up all facets of myself and I dont think anyone should have to. If you want to, then by all means, lose all identity aside from 'mommy'-- but it's not for me.  

    Quoting AlilKittyKat:

    Unfortunately, when you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent you have more or less given up that 'me time'.  I have 3 kids and have been on my own for 5+ years, i can count on my hands how many times I've had 'me time'.  My older children are plenty old enough to watch themselves and their younger sister, but i still feel that it's not right to leave them that responsibility, unless it's to run to the store, parent teacher conference or something like that.  

    Of course i understand your want for getting out, we can all use it for our sanity, but that 'me time' for me is when my kids go to bed. 


  • AlilKittyKat
    September 25, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    I never said you lost your identity because you are a mom. Did you not read that i understand the want for getting out, and that we can all use it for our sanity?  My point was that when we become parents we take on the responsibility of being a parent, that usually means we don't have the opportunity to go and hang out as much as we would like.  I've been a mom since i was 15yo, i lost my entire teen years and i don't regret it one bit. I take pride in being a parent to my children and if that means i don't get to go out all the time, then so be it, but that does not mean that I've given up my identity at all.  

    Quoting PaperClip811:

    Couldnt disagree more. Yes you give up some of that when you become a Mom, obviously priorities change and what not. but, Im still me, and I still want and need time to be that same person. I'm not willing to give up all facets of myself and I dont think anyone should have to. If you want to, then by all means, lose all identity aside from 'mommy'-- but it's not for me.  

    Quoting AlilKittyKat:

    Unfortunately, when you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent you have more or less given up that 'me time'.  I have 3 kids and have been on my own for 5+ years, i can count on my hands how many times I've had 'me time'.  My older children are plenty old enough to watch themselves and their younger sister, but i still feel that it's not right to leave them that responsibility, unless it's to run to the store, parent teacher conference or something like that.  

    Of course i understand your want for getting out, we can all use it for our sanity, but that 'me time' for me is when my kids go to bed. 



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