How do I make this simple so not to give yall a headache? Several years ago I basically shot myself in the foot by agreeing to a 50/50 visitation arrangement. For obvious reasons, it's not working out. He is not communicating with me and putting our daughter in the middle of our basic parenting decisions. She's an awesome little girl but this arrangement has really made her take on the role of mediator and almost young adult. It's really sad. It's really difficult. Because she is happy with the arrangement, it looks like I may not be granted sole decision making. I mean, there are a few important factors to incorporate into this case (like a history of dv) but I'm so worried that decision I made really didn't do MUCH good because she's used to this back and forth. She's happy to see us both and that damn law guardian enrages me. I want to just slap her. Where do they get these people from?? Sigh ... I'm ready to take this case very lightly and not sweat the outcome but deep down inside I'm still very hurt ... please tell me one of you ladies has dealt with a similar situation and can give me some advice as to how to face this ...
September 4, 2012 at 12:47 PM
will do. thank u.
September 4, 2012 at 9:09 PM
I agree with the first comment. I have full custody of my daughter, have since a few days before her first birthday. Wasn't much from him in the way of caring tho because he didn't show up for court and then we were scheduled with a default hearing in which I was given all that I wanted.
I would just present your case, point out his lack of communication and your desire to NOT have her in the middle.
I would be just very honest about you wanting the 50/50 in the beginning bc you thought it would be best for her and equal parenting; but as time has gone by he is placing her in the middle and you think thats not emotionally good for her and that he isnt communicating with you. So you would like to see this changed. *Just remember keep your personal opinions out of it and stick to facts.
Honestly it is near impossible to go away from 50/50. The only reason I was able to get primary again is because my kids HATED it. They were also starting high school so basically it was best for them at their ages. My ex fought me for over a yearbut judge and GAL sided with the kids wishes.
If you daughter is happy with the schedule you will have a tough time. Also if you "win" are you prepared for the backlash if your daughter feels you took her father away?
September 4, 2012 at 10:01 PM
I would just present your case and reasons as to why you feel that it would be best to switch the arrangement. I would hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Hugs!
I keep repeating this in just about every custody post I come across. If communication is the main issue check out Our Family Wizard online. 2 way communication for parents. Kids have an account too. Never have to speak to your ex, leave your DD out of it and everything is documented.
September 5, 2012 at 9:59 AM
yea, gratefully i'm very understanding keep it very real with her. at one point i got him to see that the arrangement wasn't working and i had the schedule i wanted. he just didn't want to put it in writing. she was good with it as well, and did better in school. sigh...it is gonna be hard but hopefully she'll see that it was better for her in the long run. when i tell you she wakes up with her ipod and cell phone in her hand every morning thinking about the newest video games and her nails. it's disappointing to me and a little scary. that's not the mind set i had for her. we will all be fine. gratefully the judge does not agree with her moving house to house in the middle of the week. hopefully, something good will come of that. thank you.
September 5, 2012 at 10:01 AM
hmm, i will check that site out. thank you.