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I'm feeling overwhelmed with the discrimination...
August 22, 2012 at 6:28 AM

I guess I just need to vent a little, find a shoulder to cry on where I'll be understood.

Lately it seems like everywhere I turn, I mean EVERYWHERE, I'm faced with some stereotyping about single moms.

I feel so discouraged.

So many people seem to think that I must have been irresponsible, or slutty or stupid or selfish, or a horrible wife.

I've even heard someone say single mothers shouldn't expect some man to pick up the pieces of her bad choices. It makes me feel ashamed that I even want to remarry.

Why do they automatically assume we all made some terrible choices?

And even if some of us did, are we not allowed to make mistakes?

This all leads to the rampant blaming of the woman, and sympathizing with the man. Not all men are bad and not all women are good, but it WAS that way in my situation, yet people, especially men are very wary of me. They think I'm trashy and ignorant.

Every guy I date or almost date thinks they can just use me because I'm desperate. I'm not desperate at all, but I'm starting to feel shame and humiliation right off the bat with a guy, because I'm scared that's what he's thinking.

I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead that says something opposite of what I really am inside.

Sometimes I feel anger for my ex, not just for all the cruel things he did to me intentionally, but the fact that he is off having the time of his life, leaving me with all the responsibilities, and yet *I'M* seen as irresponsible. It's so ironic.

This obviously isn't everyone's experience and I know the way to overcome it is to be positive, happy, successful, proud and most of all just be the person I know I am, with or without a husband and fancy house.

Until I conquer this, I just needed to share these feelings while I'm feeling them.


  • Inala
    by Inala
    August 22, 2012 at 3:31 PM
    As long as you stay, strong, focused, motivated, and positive you'll be fine. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one. If a man can't see that you are all kinds of awesome then you are better off without him. If you think he sees you a certain way then communicate how you feel to him....have a conversation so that you can see where his head is at.
    I am a single mom and I don't care what other people think or say as long as no one gets in my face (that would be a problem for them).
  • Mommyto2LilMen
    August 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM
    The discrimination does suck, but focus on the positives in life, don't let the negatives take over.
  • MommyAJ2921
    August 22, 2012 at 4:44 PM

    ^FRICCIN 5!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL IT SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO...LOVE THAT RESPONSE!!! you rock

    Quoting Sidrosmomma:

    My experioence is that I feel like people look down on me and feel sorry for me.  "Poor little girl.  She couldn't keep her man and now no one wants her." man couldn't keep me.  He was horrible to me and my son and I left him.  And no one wants me....Ummm I don't want anyone right now.  I'm still dealing with the trauma of the last relationship.  So not ready to pick up the pieces of the next guy.

    Just venting too :)

  • KathrynFord
    August 23, 2012 at 12:14 AM
  • 2girlsMom.MN
    August 23, 2012 at 12:17 AM

    OMG I couldn't agree more with you OP. I am a single mom due to domestic violence yet I'm looked upon the same way. My kids get it too, at school all the married mom's are neighbors and car pool, have playdates etc.. My kids aren't ever included.

  • MichelleSw
    August 23, 2012 at 12:20 AM
    Can I get an AMEN :} I'm an amazing single mother! My child has the best of me and all that I can offer of love and fun. I do I alone but I'm so strong, intelligent, and well rounded that it's ok. I got this :> Make sure you clearly state what kid of guy you are looking for and what bullshit you will not accept. I always have and I've dated really amazing guys. Just weren't the ones for me. Do not settle or be blinded. Show your strength (without be crazy) from day 1 and you will quickly weed out the losers. Do not even give them the ime of day. Good luck. Add me if you like.
  • MichelleSw
    August 23, 2012 at 12:22 AM
    Sorry for the typos! Dead tired, jus worked all day and have to get DD to school early :( and back to work right after that!
  • livn4hevn
    August 23, 2012 at 12:25 AM

    Just the other night I was at my bestie's house having wine, when one of her guests said to her "How does
    your son react to all the men that come and go here?"

    I told the girl to leave. I wanted to hit her, but it wasn't my house and I wasn't positive I would stop at one slap in the face.

    For starters, BFF was kicked out of her house by an abusive husband who cheated on her twice and is now married and having a SECOND child with one of his "other women". She lived with her parents until she could buy a house on her own and now, she works a successful job in a reputable company, owns her own home and has remodeled it from the inside out. She's a force to be reckoned with!

    And secondly, she has had ONE serious boyfriend since her divorce was finalized. ONE. And they were together for 18 months. It wasn't some stupid, immature situation. She dated another guy 2-3 times but didn't feel a connection and ended things before he met her son, and now she's been on about 5 dates, and is considering getting serious, with a third guy, who has met her son twice.

    She's SUPER respnsible and smart about it. She doesn't parade men through her home, she's not a slut and her son comes first above EVERYTHING else.

    I guess my point is, don't let the haters get to you. MOST of us have huge respect and props for what you do and other just don't know how to shut their mouths.

  • KathrynFord
    August 23, 2012 at 12:26 AM
  • kailu1835
    August 23, 2012 at 12:28 AM

     I feel your pain.  My mom was abandoned by my bio-dad, with not a penny to her name.  Not her choice :(

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