So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.
I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.
Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!
However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."
I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy.
And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???
by Cocopuff2011August 8, 2012 at 9:42 AMI can relate im def interested in reponses from this post I have a 6 year old who uses her manners well at home then she goes to dads house &.comes back this spoiled little brat talking back to me & im to the point where I dont even wanna send her over to his house he has such bad judgement & I dont know what to do. He lives with his girlfriend who has 5 kids by the way who watch themselves im just very frustrated @ this point.
by patticossAugust 8, 2012 at 4:57 PM
I hate to say it but part of it is he is 3. My daughter had a hard time being 3 and it is part of seeing how far they can push. He also is going through a lot with being 3 and his parents divorcing, that is alot for a child that young.
Just want to let you know that I have a 9 yr old and a 13 yr old and when they go with their dad it is a freakin free for all with his gfs kids too. Now I used to be her best friend until all of this went down and I have talked with the both of them about the behavior issues to no avail. It takes me at least 2 days to "get my children back" after they come home, so I too will be looking at the posts on here
Lol I call it 'detox' :)
My ds was 7, nearly 8 when I had to kick her dad out.
He did the typical...spend money to spoil her - bought her a chandelier and a tv for her 'new room' at his parent's house - the chandelier was something, that, even if we could afford it, was frivolous, & the tv is something I simply (well, we, before) am staunch against. She can watch tv in lounge. Not in her bedroom unsupervised, & I don't like electronics in her bedroom.
Well, a year later, she's coping with the adjusting (4 days per fortnight - I'm in Australia, this basically keeps me primary carer...not that I expect nor will get money from him for her in a support sense...but that sort of stuff is starting to become easier to talk to him about...no 'walk in the park' yet, but 100% better than before.
He's actually called a truce on 'spending to spoil' and for the most part remaining somewhat united regarding her. It's been hard work though - getting her through it...unsure if I'll get a tantrum or not each day, seeing MUCH less now....just preteen attitude :'(
Nothing good old fashioned discipline in the form of boundaries and understanding consequences to actions (something I'm not having too much fun with ATM, but that's normal stuff)....but if I can offer one suggestion - only time and your situation will tell what your ex is or isn't going to do/listen to, etc., but you can't wait for him to figure it out. Remain firm and loving - spoil your precious boy with love - something I always tell my ds, and keep on at what 'your' routine with him has been. Nothing should really change while he's with you.
Also, be the responsible one when it comes to the help your getting (including the looking for other help...) - again, your boy can't wait for his father to sort himself out....that's why my dd has never been to the dentist with my ex, only me. Same with the GP. I'd rather go get her from his place and take her than put her medical needs second, like my ex has. Ppl say I'm letting him use me. I don't care!! My child needs me I'm always there. No matter who she's with. And she knows that.
The return on the amount of time I put into making sure she was ok...listening to her...to this day (well, for now lol) she confides in me in her most private thoughts..that communication channel I felt was essential for me to be the best mother I could be & can be for her, during a really crappy time in her life. She will be fine. They do adjust.
As for daycare - he will be fine! They have the benefit of knowing about his speech and can help. You'll find he will build strong friendships, whether it be with the children, or maybe the staff at first...this will be key for your son to have another stable place. You'll feel guilty - we all do. But as I had to think of it when I had to put my dd in before and after school care, but you have to put food on the table & pay bills, so no choice there...
Good luck OP. You both will pull through this - just stay focussed on looking after him and loving him - gosh, I'm remembering the meltdowns my dd used to have - the only way was to grab her & cuddle her until she stopped...the bruises I got!
The security of mummy's cuddle always calmed her down.
August 11, 2012 at 3:16 AM
I have a niece who acts the same when I get her back from my sister. It's frustrating but all you can really do is remind him of the rules and keep to what u say goes/doesn't go in your home. It sometimes takes us 2-3 days to get my niece back on track but it happens. My sister doesn't see it, of course not..she's too busy with her own things to notice her daughter has issues. U might also look into counceling...it's rare for a child so young to be seen sometimes but you can find someone and they do play type counceling according to the childs age.
As for daycare, despite what is going on at home with the changes...u would be suprised at how quickly a child can adapt to going to daycare when they are around other kids thier age and are making friends. We worried about daycare w/ both my daughter and niece both and they did wonderful!
October 10, 2012 at 1:59 AMAnd until your rear walks in our shoes on having to do it, DON'T JUDGE! one of these days you will probably be here complaining to us on the same topic.wanting help. Maybe someone will be rude and sarcastic to you!
What I find unbelievable is that people do not realize the suffering that drives their children to misbehave. Do people really not get that being shuttled around, back and forth, different people, different food, different routines, different rules, different homes is extremely upsetting to children. Hense my <sarcasm>.
What words of encouragement and support! Have you ever had to deal with this style of situation? If not, try to put yourself in our shoes! The age is not the factor per se here, it is the lack of parental obligation to correct the child. Not all people get along, thus seperating. Children do suffer but that does not mean the child is horrible. Are yours brats or angels?
Gee- being only 3 and being shuttled every couple of days between homes and people? I think he is reacting to all the stress he is under and all of the changes all of you are putting him through.
He's a horrible brat.... you decide.