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campangel
Kids and/or Happiness
December 5, 2007 at 7:16 AM
I am currently a single mother of 3 girls 14, 12, 11. I have a fiancee, a man that I have known for 25 years, and once been married to. We had a rough first marriage, but we are blaming that on being young and stupid. After I left him the first time, I remarried a man (my girls father) that was highly abusive to me and my girls. He has since past away in 2005. I am back with my first husband (current fiancee). My two younger ones is taking to him ok, even calling him dad, and making him feel comfortable and welcome in the home. My 14 year old however, just wants it to be us 4 and no other person in the house or my life. She finally opened up last night and said she does not like him and doesn't want him in the house and if he tells her to do anything or yells at her she will leave permanently. She has been showing attitudes big time, and she went as far as slicing her wrists last night as well. I dont know what to do, because the two of them keep bumping heads (my fiancee and my 14 year old). I want my daughter to be happy, but I want to be happy too. I know she is afraid of him being abusive, but isn't my life to make that choice. I really don't know what to do?

Thanx for any help

Sandy

Replies

  • dragonflie
    December 5, 2007 at 7:42 AM
    Have you considered bringing her to a conselor?  She must have some built up issues with the abuse over the years, the loss of her dad (good or bad still her dad) and with this new person in your lives.  I know it helped my children during and after the divorce.  My ex was abusive to me and left for our neighbor.
  • jinxmom
    by jinxmom
    December 5, 2007 at 10:06 AM

    Quoting dragonflie:

    Have you considered bringing her to a conselor?  She must have some built up issues with the abuse over the years, the loss of her dad (good or bad still her dad) and with this new person in your lives.  I know it helped my children during and after the divorce.  My ex was abusive to me and left for our neighbor.

    I agree.  She's hurting esp if she is cutting. Maybe he can go too.
  • rdeshields
    December 5, 2007 at 1:32 PM
    i remember being that way when my mom brought new men around. i wasn't that drastic though. no one is worth cutting myself over. she definitely needs some therapy. that is too much just to be against mom getting remarried. it is not that serious. please get the child some help. even if she is just doing for attention. she still needs to know that what she is doing could have some major consequences. like slicing her wrists could kill her. whoooooo.. honey good luck to you and i'll pray for your child.
  • mleeshouse
    December 5, 2007 at 1:36 PM
    Is she upset about the fact that you are with this man in particular or is it any man? IMO if my daughter had a problem with a particular man I would have to end the relationship, it's not just my life it's hers as well and she deserves as much happiness as I do. If she objected to ANY man in my life then counseling would be in order.

    Good luck.
  • campangel
    December 6, 2007 at 6:48 AM
    It doesn't matter what man I see, she gets defiant, but this man in particular she is going off the edge. The thing is she keeps saying she just wants it to be just the 4 of us (me and the 3 girls). I am checking into getting her therapy.
  • Brandy8776
    December 6, 2007 at 9:10 AM
    This is defintely a hard situation.  I was like that when my mom left my dad (he was abusive as well).  My problem with the situation, and even though it has been almost 11 years I think I would still have the same problem with it, was there wasn't a break between the men.  One day we moved out of my dads house and the same day he moved in with us in our new house. 

    I don't know what your situation is, but coming from someone who was in her position, she doesn't want another man around.  Depending on how long it has been, it's a really hard transition for her.  I agree with most everyone else here that she should have some counseling.  It will help her with her feelings about men.  If you ever need to talk just let me know.  It's a hard situation I know!!

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