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Should I Make Him Pay???
January 31, 2012 at 10:59 PM

Hi everyone. My name is Taylor.I am 19 years old.  I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter named Gracelyn Joy. Her father and I broke up when I was 2 or 3 months pregnant. He wasn't there at all throughout the pregnancy or when she was born. I found out today that he is still denying that she is his. We talk here and there but he has only seen her 1 time and that was when she was about 3 months old. I have really been struggling lately financially because my hours where cut at work because we are slow and I have my 3rd and final interview tomorrow morning at best buy :) Well anyways, I also am in college full time to become a respiratory therapist. Her father does nothing and doesn't have a job but, he says he is joining the navy in December. I am just wondering if I should apply for child support or just leave it alone. I also asked him the other day if he could buy her some diapers because she is in size 2 but I think its time to move up a size and he told me that he couldn't....My only concern with child support is the whole rights stuff. He isn't on the birth certificate and honestly I don't trust him around her because well, he just hasn't been around her and I don't know how he would do with her. He hasn't ever been around kids. I don't know what to do. I would greatly appreciate some other mom's advice or experience with child support. Thank you!


  • LifeCafe42
    January 31, 2012 at 11:01 PM
    Welcome! I'm glad you found us! File it takes 2 to make a child he need s to help
  • kngarber
    January 31, 2012 at 11:03 PM
    Child support and custody are separate issues. File!
  • adulation
    January 31, 2012 at 11:07 PM

    YES, file for child support.  it takes time and you wont get it right away. he can deny she is his and the court will order a paternity test and when the results come in that she is his, he will have to sign an AOP and they will determine how much he has to pay in CS according to both of your incomes.  he will probably have to pay arrears, too.

    [at least in my case, he was ordered to pay arrears for the time before the DNA test after her birth]

    CS and custody/visitation are seperate issues.  in my state, they said he had the right to have the child have his last name [but when they asked him i gave him a death stare and he declined] and they issued a recommended visitation schedule [which we didn't use because he didn't want to see her].

    finally, you have to let go of the notion that he is necessarily a bad father.  only time will tell. he might end up being great.

    with me, he did not spend much time with our daughter the first 4 years because he did not feel confident in handling such a young child, but at the same time, i was NOT ready to let him take her on his own anyway... i wanted to be there to know she would be ok.

    He finally started taking her for overnights after she turned 4.

    even if he decides he never wants to see her,  he still has to pay CS.  and he should. your child deserves it. 

  • Mommyto2LilMen
    January 31, 2012 at 11:07 PM

    Welcome!! So glad you found us!!  Yes I would file!!

  • GracelynJoysMom
    January 31, 2012 at 11:28 PM

    Thank you all for the advice! Him and I have been fighting back and forth about this for awhile now. But, just recently I haven't been able to do it all on my own. But, how much would he have to pay if he isn't working? I'm just wondering because I only make maybe $200 a month!!! But like I said I have my 3rd and final interview in the morning so hopefully I can get a better paying job with more hours!

  • michiganmom5150
    January 31, 2012 at 11:39 PM
    They will figure out something. It would be better if he did join the military. They don't like deadbeat dads! They will get introuble for not paying cs. I would file. Babies are expensive. Where I live, cs doesn't always mean he would get visitation. They are separate issues. Do it now, while he's still local. If they need to, they will order a paternity test. Here, if it's his, he pays for that test as well. If it's not, you would pay. Good luck:)
  • Marix3
    by Marix3
    January 31, 2012 at 11:39 PM
    1st- Your DD's name is BEAUTIFUL!

    2nd- Good luck at your final interview!! And congrats if it works out:]

    3rd- Yes, file! He helped make that little girl and you deserve the help. My DD'S dad isn't working and pays 50 a month. Not much at all but it helps.

    You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and I wish you the best of luck with everything!
  • Chemikall
    January 31, 2012 at 11:41 PM

    child support and custody are determined separate in most states, i think. check with your local laws, but ABSOLUTELY he should be helping pay for the child he helped make!! and congrats on trying to improve your life, girl. <3 

  • helema24
    January 31, 2012 at 11:43 PM

    make it clear that he left you when you were 2-3 months pregnant and that he denies the child when you file. they will force a DNA test and give you primary/custodial custody and only visitation with him if he asks for it. I know this stuff only cause a friend of mine went through heck to get her daughters dead beat dad to pay and then he tried to file for custody which was shot down when it was found that he wasnt in the childs life by his own doing.punching make sure he knows shes his and he has to pay for her care!

  • dragonflysangel
    January 31, 2012 at 11:51 PM

     file for support, dont make your daughter go without, if they bring up visitation in court tell them you want it to be supervised because he has never taken care of her.

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