Single Moms

proudmomma2be
Need Help!!
October 20, 2007 at 8:33 PM
I was wit my supposed to be boyfriend for almost a year when I found out I was pregnant. When I told him I was expecting he told me that I should have an abortion cause he wasn't ready to be a dad at this age. I told him that I was not going to do that cause I don't believe in abortions. We finally just ended when I was like 3 months along. He was even going around saying that the baby wasn't his and he wasn't going to help me take care of her. Now, that she is here he all of a sudden wants to come around. He has even been saying since she has been here that she isn't his, but he won't admit it to me.  I don't think he deserve to come and see her at all. He has only bought her one bag of diapers since she has been here and this month she turned 1 month old. What should I do?? Please help me!!

Replies

  • Singlemomks
    October 20, 2007 at 8:37 PM
    First and foremost - get a paternity test and apply for child support.  In Kansas, the state requires the paternity test before they will issue a child support order, and they pay for it. 

    Secondly - I would think long and hard about having him be around her a lot - in my opinion, it would be hard for both of you if he decides he wants to be "free" again.  Also, you don't want a man that just comes and goes as he pleases.  If he can prove to be a stable person in her life, then you can encourage him to spend time with her. 

  • proudmomma2be
    October 20, 2007 at 9:09 PM
    Thanks for that.
  • Brenda-n-Kaleb
    October 20, 2007 at 9:33 PM

    Definatly seek child support and get the paternity test done.

    Then think about if you really want this guy around your baby or not because if hes just in and out of your childs life as he pleases then it will only hurt the child in the end.

  • SoldierMomma
    October 20, 2007 at 9:54 PM
    Sweetie I am pretty much going through the same thing with my son's "sperm doner" Jeff and I were together for a few months  and when I was living out in TN he came to see me over xmas leave *he is a marine* He was there for maybe 12hrs if even that before he had to leave to make it back to NC. We did our thing and a few weeks later he got deployed on ship. I found out 2 days after he deployed that I was pregnant. WELL, he was ok with it until his little marine buddies started saying Jason wasnt his and I was cheating on him with some soldier * i was in the army at the time* So once Jeff got back from ship in July he ended things... I had seen him since the day Jason was concieved. He said Jason wasnt his and blah blah blah.. the day I was due Jeff called wanting to come visit Jason and I and try to work things out with me.. That was about 4 weeks ago... Jason is now 3 weeks old and he has yet to meet his father. Jeff is starting his crap again saying the baby isnt his..... blah blah blah.. One minute he is and the next he isnt... I dont care what the DNA test says *he is Jeff's* Jeff is NOT allowed to see Jason unless I am there and that is it. He isnt allowed out of my sight with my son. I cant tell you what you should do or whatr I think you should do cause I am in the same place. I hope everything works out for you hun

    I couldnt be happier than every time I see you smile
  • Seaangel573
    October 20, 2007 at 10:26 PM
    Well, first I want to say that I am sorry to hear about  your struggle.  I guess my personal opinion is worth as much as you pay for it...so here goes...lol:
      I think that you need to decide whether you want someone in your childs life who won't even admit to being her parent.  I am not sure but it seems like if he pays child support then he would get to see her/him (sorry, already forgot if you have a girl or boy...sorry).  Anyway, sometimes I think it's better to just let this person go and take care of things yourself.  If he WANTS to be a dad, then he has to start stepping up and get the paternity test and then get to know the child as they grow and he has to be made to understand that this is a lifetime commitment and if he's not cool with that then he needs to check out RIGHT NOW!!! 
    Okay, I'm stepping off of my soapbox!  Hope you figure it out.  God Bless!
  • arsouthern79
    October 20, 2007 at 10:36 PM
    Don't even worry about him being silly.  You are doing well and honestly, he has a responsibility now too which he should own up to.  It is not your job to be concerned about his foolishness, he's old enough to have made a baby so now he has a beautiful daughter.  He should be paying child support so maybe you want to take the steps to do that. I know it must be hard for you, but keep doing what you're doing and be a good mom to your daughter.

    -Anona
  • latonjae
    October 21, 2007 at 12:36 AM
    Hey, if he is as flaky as you say he is don't worry visits will be few and far apart for sure you don't want to be with someone that you have to worry weither  or not he's going to be there. Bye the way BEAUTIFUL BABY! While you do have him coming around the ladies who wrote before me are right get all the information now about him before he disappears so that your precious baby can have the support financially from both  parents.

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