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Bisciutsmom40
Need Advice - teen sex
January 31 at 3:10 PM
My 16 year old daughter told me she lost her virginity to her 18 year old boyfriend two weeks ago. I'm not thrilled obviously but she insists she's going to do it whether I like it or not. She's on the pill and he says he always carries condoms.
Last week I got a call from the school that they were caught naked in the back seat of his car parked in a remote lot. They are in huge trouble with the school over it. Then last night, she was late getting home and I found them parked behind a church.
Here's my question. They are obviously going to have sex but they have no safe place to do it. Should I let them do it in her room? I don't want to give them permission but I don't want them having to register as sex offenders if they get caught in a public area. Help!!

Replies

  • Bisciutsmom40
    February 1 at 10:09 AM
    She wasn't allowed to go out with him. She was a few minutes late getting home from play practice and I went looking for her based on my suspicion that she was with him.

    Quoting Karmahappens:

     


    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: It wasn't during school. She's in a play and they practice late into the evening. She was already grounded and he drove to the school and she left play rehearsal to see him. He is a senior at the same school.
    I definitely don't want to give them permission but I guess see sex differently. It's a basic biological drive and if they're going to do it regardless of what anybody says, I don't want it to ruin their lives.


    Quoting kadensmomma0708:

    Im not really sure how to respond to this.....Do you want them having sex in your house?  Do you have other kids? I know that would bother me, because it would be giving her permission.  DOes she know she can be a offender for it?  I just feel like if you are adult enough to have sex, you are adult enough to handle all the responsibilites that comes with it, like finding a place....that isnt a school parking lot.  Why wasnt she in school?  Does he go to school there, or has he graduated?  I would be pissed she left school to have sex, and got caught.   Your problem is you are too worried about being her friend, I would have had words with her and her boyfriend for gettin caught fuckin in the school parking lot.....Sigh. Best of luck though.


     AFTER she got caught having sex in apublic place (and skipping rehersal) you then let her go out with him the next week?


    Why isn't she grounded for a few weeks?  In fact if that were my kid she would be going to schooland coming home. NO extra curriculars.

  • Bisciutsmom40
    February 1 at 10:22 AM
    She is grounded and has lost her precious phone, laptop, television, etc. I realize she is being rebellious and she is being punished. For those blaming her boyfriend, I can't turn him in as 16 is the legal age of consent AND I'm under no illusions about who is in charge in that relationship (her). The only reason I'm even considering turning a blind eye when they're here (when she is finally ungrounded) is for fear of their safety or being held responsible if she's arrested.
  • Karmahappens
    February 1 at 10:45 AM

     

    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: She wasn't allowed to go out with him. She was a few minutes late getting home from play practice and I went looking for her based on my suspicion that she was with him.

    Quoting Karmahappens:

     


    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: It wasn't during school. She's in a play and they practice late into the evening. She was already grounded and he drove to the school and she left play rehearsal to see him. He is a senior at the same school.
    I definitely don't want to give them permission but I guess see sex differently. It's a basic biological drive and if they're going to do it regardless of what anybody says, I don't want it to ruin their lives.


    Quoting kadensmomma0708:

    Im not really sure how to respond to this.....Do you want them having sex in your house?  Do you have other kids? I know that would bother me, because it would be giving her permission.  DOes she know she can be a offender for it?  I just feel like if you are adult enough to have sex, you are adult enough to handle all the responsibilites that comes with it, like finding a place....that isnt a school parking lot.  Why wasnt she in school?  Does he go to school there, or has he graduated?  I would be pissed she left school to have sex, and got caught.   Your problem is you are too worried about being her friend, I would have had words with her and her boyfriend for gettin caught fuckin in the school parking lot.....Sigh. Best of luck though.


     AFTER she got caught having sex in apublic place (and skipping rehersal) you then let her go out with him the next week?


    Why isn't she grounded for a few weeks?  In fact if that were my kid she would be going to schooland coming home. NO extra curriculars.

     My point. She shouldn't be going to play practice as she ALREADY used that time to screw.

  • ccnstanczak
    February 1 at 10:51 AM

     not only should she be on the pill but also have condoms as well. what if HE forgets? have they discussed pregnancy? does she know her cycle and what ovulation is etc etc?

    other than that. i have NO Idea how to answer your other questions.

    all i know is that my daughters will be completly responsible for birth control Plus having their own condoms etc. (when they start having sex at 35 of course :))          

  • kadensmomma0708
    February 1 at 10:52 AM

    I dont get this, why let them have a sleepover?  I guess you want to see like the cool mom, and let you kid have sex in your house?  What is responsible?  They use birth control?  because that never fails...right?  Try being a parent, I know its much harder than being a friend.

    Quoting KawfeeKathy63:

     Many teens have sex whether we want them to or not.  The main thing is to keep the communication open and make sure they are protected.  I have allowed my 16 yr olds bf to sleep over but I based it on the fact that they've been together over 2 years and they are both responsible.  It really is whether you are comfortable with him sleeping over or not.  GL.


  • Bisciutsmom40
    February 1 at 11:04 AM
    It's a tough situation at this age. I want her to have consequences for her poor choices but I don't want them to end up ruining her life. She's too young to realize the gravity of the risks she is taking.
    She was such a sweet little girl. Now She's moody, thoughtless, and difficult. Someone please tell me the teen years will pass and my sweet level headed daughter will reemerge eventually.
  • korra2013
    February 1 at 4:02 PM
    There is no manual for things like this in parenting. It's tough but i personally think you did what you had to do. The last thing anyone should do is enable. My mom scared me to death growing up. I knew how to act and never dared do something like that

    Quoting susanparsons: Hell yes korra2013. I couldn't have said it any better! My daughter dropped out at 16, she didn't go to school anyway and I was actually getting tickets from school cop for her truancy. After about $1000, I let her drop out. She refused to respect my rules so she move out at 17, in with 25 year old drunk & dope head. I was so proud. Can't tell you how many times she called me to come get her because they were fighting. He actually charged at me one time ready to kick my ass. My s

    Daughter jump between us & landed at least 10 blows to his face. Broke his nose too. Needless to say I never went over there without calling police first.



    Quoting korra2013: I would have smacked her damn teeth out of her mouth. There is no way in hell i would allow my underage child to have sex in my home. If she is doing it at school then you need to change her schools. Do whatever it takes. If she insists then i would tell her either marry his ass and get out of my house or its boot camp.
  • virgochild79
    February 1 at 5:56 PM

    So basically you've set ZERO boundaries. I mean come on, she's only 16 years old. If she's ditching school to go and have sex, I'd have the police on her ass dragging her back to school,,,,,,WAIT A MINUTE,,,,,you said he's 18? Uh, have you heard of the word rape? His little 18 year old ass wouldn't be near my daughter! You need to control this situation. You'd be doing nothing but setting yourself up to be grandma in 9 months if you let your CHILD have sex in your home. Come on now, seriously? OMG

  • rfhsure
    by rfhsure
    February 1 at 6:02 PM
    Why do they hate you two? That's a big red flag.

    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: His mother hates my daughter and me. She never responds to any of my attempts to contact her.
  • jjchick75
    February 1 at 6:06 PM
    We let our kids have sex in our home. I know it's not a popular opinion or decision but we couldn't think of a reason not to. We knew they were going to do it anyway so we did. However if I was she would be grounded for quite awhile.

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