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Need Advice - teen sex
January 31, 2014 at 3:10 PM
My 16 year old daughter told me she lost her virginity to her 18 year old boyfriend two weeks ago. I'm not thrilled obviously but she insists she's going to do it whether I like it or not. She's on the pill and he says he always carries condoms.
Last week I got a call from the school that they were caught naked in the back seat of his car parked in a remote lot. They are in huge trouble with the school over it. Then last night, she was late getting home and I found them parked behind a church.
Here's my question. They are obviously going to have sex but they have no safe place to do it. Should I let them do it in her room? I don't want to give them permission but I don't want them having to register as sex offenders if they get caught in a public area. Help!!


  • Bisciutsmom40
    January 31, 2014 at 4:37 PM
    Cool! I'm in Kansas.
  • knhrmyboogs
    January 31, 2014 at 4:38 PM

    I would not allow them to have sex under your roof. If they are choosing to have sex in parking lots and what not then they deserve to get in trouble. Maybe a little run in with the law will teach them a lesson. Some kids learn better that way. 

  • jhslove
    by jhslove
    January 31, 2014 at 4:41 PM

    Okay, so the UUA website has a "congregation finder" tool that you can use to find the nearest UU congregation to you. I know there's a fairly good-sized UU church in Kansas City, and ones in Lenexa, Wichita, Lawrence and some other towns. Go to the on the right side of the homepage there's a blue icon called "Find A Congregation". Plug in your zip code and it will tell you where the nearest UU church is. You can then call them and find out if they offer OWL (almost every UU church does), whether you have to be a member to take the class, etc. You should also do some investigating about the program itself and make sure that it lines up with your values. It operates on a number of assumptions that align with Unitarian Universalist values, but obviously if you and your family don't share the same values that would be a problem.

    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: Cool! I'm in Kansas.

  • Bisciutsmom40
    January 31, 2014 at 4:43 PM
    UU is perfect actually. I'm one of the few atheists in Kansas. Thank you!
  • jhslove
    by jhslove
    January 31, 2014 at 4:44 PM

    My husband is an atheist, too. He doesn't live in Kansas anymore, but he grew up there--actually, he and all three of his brothers went to Wichita State for undergrad. He grew up in Lindsborg and Great Bend.

    Good luck!

    Quoting Bisciutsmom40: UU is perfect actually. I'm one of the few atheists in Kansas. Thank you!

  • alliweben
    January 31, 2014 at 4:51 PM

    OK, I probably would've gotten by butt beaten, too, but I don't think either that extreme or the other of being a friend is the answer.   If she's going to engage in adult behavior, she needs to exercise adult responsibility (as she is partly with the birth control) and adult discretion.   Since lines of communication are open, you might talk to her along these lines.    This can certainly include being firm about what is or isn't allowed in your house.  

    [Full disclosure:  I was 16 the first time I had sex,  right before my 17th birthday.   We were very careful and rather discrete, and didn't do it often during the months we dated.   My parents didn't know.  I of course would've been in trouble if they did, though I think one of the things they would've done, besides punishment, would've been to talk to me about adult responsibility and dscretion, as well as health issues.   Yes, I am rehearsing in my mind for the future.] 

  • iamcafemom83
    January 31, 2014 at 5:11 PM
    I am sure they already havr had sex in your home....if no one is home and they have the opportunity. You need to come up with something that will stop tjem from having sex in parking lots, though.
  • Sbellemommy
    January 31, 2014 at 5:14 PM
    Hell no.
  • juju40
    by juju40
    January 31, 2014 at 5:16 PM

    I'd press charges she's underage and he's an adult

  • Pnukey
    by Pnukey
    January 31, 2014 at 7:17 PM

    Hell no. Make it as difficult as possible for them. Talk to her about having to register as a sex offender and for her to decide if it's really worth it. If she doesn't come to the conclusion that it is not, make it even harder for them to have sex and ask her again.

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