quite some time now, I've been in the midst of some sort of mid-life
crisis. Ok, so I guess I can't really call it "mid-life," since I'm
only 36 -- but I'm having some sort of crisis, nonetheless. I'm not sure what my
beef is with creeping closer and closer to turning 40, but part of me refuses to
let go of the period of time in my 20s and early 30s when I was slim, trim --
and never had to buy any item of clothing that was bigger than a certain
single digit size.
Yep. The mid-single digits. That's my cut-off size, as silly as it may sound.
And when I say "cut-off" size -- I simply mean when I have to buy clothes any
larger than that, my self-esteem goes directly into the gutter.
I know it's not rational or healthy, but it's the reality I'm living in right
now. (And it really sucks.)
Last spring, I started working out at least five or six days a week. And
while I did start to tone up, I didn't really lose any weight -- which resulted
in me having to go up a dress size. I clearly remember going into the
Ann Taylor dressing room feeling all confident because I'd been busting my ass
in the gym. Then I went to put on a cute little dress in the size I'm used to
wearing and it did not fit. I reluctantly went back out onto the sales floor and
returned to the fitting room with the next size up -- which zipped with no
Fast forward to present day. Here I am, in the dead of winter -- and I've
started exercising again simply because I cannot stand being sedentary, and I
need the stress relief to get me through these long weeks. And I know very well
that because I'm putting a little muscle back on, I may wind up having to
dig out the larger sizes again or, worse -- go shopping for
new clothes in said larger size.
But when and if that happens, I have to find a way to come to terms with it
and be ok with it. I'll just have to keep telling myself that it's better to
look good in bigger clothes than be all sorts of uncomfortable and spilling out
of the little ones -- and hope that my confidence comes up enough to allow me to
believe it and be ok with it.
I mean, no one besides me even sees the number on the size label, so why do I
let it control me and make me feel less attractive? Again, it has to be the
whole mid-life crisis thing. And one of these days, I'm just going to have to
accept that I'm not 25 anymore and I'm never going to be 25
again. And that's ok.
Size is only a number. It's not worth getting down in the dumps over as long
as whatever clothes I'm wearing fit well, look good, and make me feel like a
Now if only I can repeat that statement over and over again until I actually
start to believe it, I'll be over this crisis in no time.
I did at first post pregnancy, probably because I was pretty obsessed with it before I had my son but four years later I'm over it. I've made my peace with the fact that I may never be a 6 or 8 again I'm now just trying to lose weight to improve my blood pressure and help my knees and back. It's not about a number now it's about feeling good and playing with my son.
Cut size out! Maybe your energy level is down and your tired aand then you look in the mirror and feel tired and youre projecting your your feelings to what you see or think you see. Its It's probably an an emotional response youre having because you look great. Just need to make yourself feel it. Vitamins! !