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mama-jama
My dear husband.
August 30, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Hi :) I am 20 years old and I just had my first baby. He's a month old now. I breastfeed and use the breast pump. Ever since we brought the little guy home, I've been sleeping on the couch with him. He won't sleep for long in his bassinette and the only way for me to get sleep is to have him sleep on me or right next to me. My husband keeps saying that I'm spoiling him or ruining him and that I'm the reason that he's crying. I feel like my husband is mad at me all the time for how I'm taking care of our baby. I feel like he doesn't trust me to do what is right for our son. I'm his mom and I'm doing what feels right and what works. I have to be home with him all day and I'm the only one staying up or getting up with him at night.... I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way about their husband?

Thanks,
Mama-Jama

Replies

  • happymommy1105
    August 31, 2013 at 7:42 PM

    I would disagree with everybody who said let him cry.  

    He is too little to let him cry! He needs you and daddy right now!

    I would try to turn his crib into a co sleeper and let him sleep in there- then you are still close and you are in bed with hubby.  Or I would co sleep.  

    Sleeping on the couch with him isn't the best habit to start though- for either of you!

  • happymommy1105
    August 31, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    There are safe ways to co sleep.  

    CO sleeping or not is a personal choice.  

    Quoting trainlady:

    Well first crack out of the box you NEVER, NEVER, EVER allow your babie to sleep beside you on the couch or in the bed. Many babies have died from this by being smothered. You don't realize it when you are asleep that if you move even a little bit you could smother your child. And you can't say that you are so sensitive that you would know if you had moved or if something was wrong with the baby's breathing. All the mothers of the dead babies felt the same way. They thought they could detect even the most minute movement and when the baby died they found out they were wrong, but it was too late by then. Perhaps your baby just needs to see you when he wakes up and being in a bassinett he can't. Try getting him a small crib or take part of the sides out of the bassinett and see if that works. Put it right next to your bed where he can see you when he opens his eyes. Leave a night light on so he can see you. If you and your husband can tolerate it have some very soft, low baby sleep music for him so he doesn't feel alone when he wakes. If your husband can't tolerate the music and the night light then do it in the living room where you sleep on the couch. Having a baby sleeping with you right from the start is not good. They will get so attached that when they are two or three they are still sleeping with mommy and daddy. He needs to learn right from the first to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes you have to be the stronger one and not give into his every whim. I think your husband is thinking along the right vein and trying to help you and the baby, don't be so hard on him and pay a little more attention to his concerns. Good luck.


  • peregrinus
    August 31, 2013 at 7:50 PM

    Your husband is jealous of your baby, because you're spending every minute with him and your husbands emotional needs aren't being met.  He needs not only you, but time to bond with the baby as well.  It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's that he's being left out.  Why not suggest that he take a night of baby duty?  

  • bebe_ju-rah
    August 31, 2013 at 7:52 PM
    My hubby was the same way with our first, who co-slept. It's funny because he always swore we'd never co-sleep again but now with our second, HE is the one who tells me to bring him to bed to cuddle and nurse! Lol It gets better momma

    I could never just let my babies cry all alone in a cold bed either. It's not natural.
  • AutymsMommy
    August 31, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    You can't spoil a baby with attention and love. It just isn't possible.

    A month old is FAR too young to even CONSIDER letting him cry at night, if that's what your husband is getting at. Even proponents of cry-it-out as a sleep method NEVER recommend it before 6 months old; it's dangerous any younger (although, if you ask me, CIO even at that age is cruel).

    You need to make sure your husband knows his feelings are valid. Make sure to spend time with him in the evenings. Invest in a swing to rock the baby for a little while.

    Oh - and sleeping on the couch with the baby is DANGEROUS. There have been many deaths doing just that.

  • AutymsMommy
    August 31, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    A safe way to co-sleep DOES NOT include on the couch. Ever. Never ever.


    Quoting happymommy1105:

    There are safe ways to co sleep.  

    CO sleeping or not is a personal choice.  

    Quoting trainlady:

    Well first crack out of the box you NEVER, NEVER, EVER allow your babie to sleep beside you on the couch or in the bed. Many babies have died from this by being smothered. You don't realize it when you are asleep that if you move even a little bit you could smother your child. And you can't say that you are so sensitive that you would know if you had moved or if something was wrong with the baby's breathing. All the mothers of the dead babies felt the same way. They thought they could detect even the most minute movement and when the baby died they found out they were wrong, but it was too late by then. Perhaps your baby just needs to see you when he wakes up and being in a bassinett he can't. Try getting him a small crib or take part of the sides out of the bassinett and see if that works. Put it right next to your bed where he can see you when he opens his eyes. Leave a night light on so he can see you. If you and your husband can tolerate it have some very soft, low baby sleep music for him so he doesn't feel alone when he wakes. If your husband can't tolerate the music and the night light then do it in the living room where you sleep on the couch. Having a baby sleeping with you right from the start is not good. They will get so attached that when they are two or three they are still sleeping with mommy and daddy. He needs to learn right from the first to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes you have to be the stronger one and not give into his every whim. I think your husband is thinking along the right vein and trying to help you and the baby, don't be so hard on him and pay a little more attention to his concerns. Good luck.




  • Myshon
    by Myshon
    August 31, 2013 at 8:19 PM

    With both my kids as soon as they came home from the hospital they were sleeping in their car seat..... In their cribs. I put on some low music for them. My son liked oldies and my daughter classical. After a month they were put directly in their cribs and slept thru the night from that point on. Hope you find some thing that works for you and your family. Congrats on the little one!

  • happymommy1105
    August 31, 2013 at 8:29 PM

    This is very very true.  

    I wasn't advising sleeping on the couch.  I said that in my first response too! 

    I was just saying that there are safe ways to Co sleep.  

    I was a "I will never sleep with my baby" kind of mom til my second son was born- then he wouldn't sleep at all for the first 9 months without mommy or daddy! He prefered mommy over daddy for sleep but he would do with daddy! 

    We moved about a month ago and he wiggles a lot at night now and I can't get deep sleep with him wiggling around so we turned his crib into a co sleeper for a couple of weeks to get him used to his own space when he was sleeping.  Now he sleeps in his own bed and puts himself to sleep! He has cried maybe 3 times for a total of 10 mins.  He does let me know loudly when he wakes up! But he is promptly gotten and cuddled or changed or whatever he needs.  We also praise him when he wakes up from sleeping on his own.  

    Anyway, my point- co sleeping should never be done on the couch- it's very unsafe.  

    BUT choosing to co sleep safely is a perfectly fine parenting choice!

    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    A safe way to co-sleep DOES NOT include on the couch. Ever. Never ever.


    Quoting happymommy1105:

    There are safe ways to co sleep.  

    CO sleeping or not is a personal choice.  

    Quoting trainlady:

    Well first crack out of the box you NEVER, NEVER, EVER allow your babie to sleep beside you on the couch or in the bed. Many babies have died from this by being smothered. You don't realize it when you are asleep that if you move even a little bit you could smother your child. And you can't say that you are so sensitive that you would know if you had moved or if something was wrong with the baby's breathing. All the mothers of the dead babies felt the same way. They thought they could detect even the most minute movement and when the baby died they found out they were wrong, but it was too late by then. Perhaps your baby just needs to see you when he wakes up and being in a bassinett he can't. Try getting him a small crib or take part of the sides out of the bassinett and see if that works. Put it right next to your bed where he can see you when he opens his eyes. Leave a night light on so he can see you. If you and your husband can tolerate it have some very soft, low baby sleep music for him so he doesn't feel alone when he wakes. If your husband can't tolerate the music and the night light then do it in the living room where you sleep on the couch. Having a baby sleeping with you right from the start is not good. They will get so attached that when they are two or three they are still sleeping with mommy and daddy. He needs to learn right from the first to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes you have to be the stronger one and not give into his every whim. I think your husband is thinking along the right vein and trying to help you and the baby, don't be so hard on him and pay a little more attention to his concerns. Good luck.





  • KhloesMom2009
    August 31, 2013 at 8:30 PM

    Not possible to spoil him, you're meeting his needs. I'm kind of concerned your sleeping with him on the couch because that can be dangerous.

    Newborn babies cry because they need something. It might be a fresh diaper, a feeding or because he's bored. he cries, you come, that's how it is.

  • allmy3girls
    August 31, 2013 at 8:43 PM

    I agree with your husband...let the baby get use to his own sleeping space,  and sleeping on a couch with a baby is wrong...what if he falls off?  or you  drop him?  or roll on him ?  babies belong in their crib/basinette....let him cry a bit       young mom has alot to learn  

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