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My dear husband.
August 30, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Hi :) I am 20 years old and I just had my first baby. He's a month old now. I breastfeed and use the breast pump. Ever since we brought the little guy home, I've been sleeping on the couch with him. He won't sleep for long in his bassinette and the only way for me to get sleep is to have him sleep on me or right next to me. My husband keeps saying that I'm spoiling him or ruining him and that I'm the reason that he's crying. I feel like my husband is mad at me all the time for how I'm taking care of our baby. I feel like he doesn't trust me to do what is right for our son. I'm his mom and I'm doing what feels right and what works. I have to be home with him all day and I'm the only one staying up or getting up with him at night.... I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way about their husband?



  • cali_gurl
    August 30, 2013 at 10:16 PM

    Your husband misses you. Try to include him in what you are doing.

  • sunpeaches1
    August 30, 2013 at 10:16 PM
    The first 3 mos is called survival months!! You & baby sleep where ever & when ever in order to survive! If baby only sleeps for periods of time in the put him to bed in the swing!
    My first slept in bassinet during the day for cat naps first 3 wks but nights were on the couch on top of me! Took me a while to learn to nurse in laying down position. My youngest would only sleep swaddled, tucked in car carrier placed on top of bouncer seat while vibrating! So guess where he slept at night for 2mos?
  • Momofmenagerie
    August 30, 2013 at 10:18 PM
    I disagree, a month old is to be tended to. One month olds are not manipulative, a 2 yr old definitely can be. My younger son slept on his father's chest until he transferred to the bassinet and on to the crib.

    Quoting tla86:

    Yes but I want u to know and believe this. Babies are meant to cry and its okay for him to cry in his bed. I know it's going to be hard but as a mother of three u need to know that eventually u are going to have to get him used to sleeping on his own. U don't want him to be five still sleeping in ur bed. Ur hubby needs his wife and u need him. This should be a happy time for you both and I'm sure he's not happy with his beautiful wife on the sofa everynight. Spend time together dont let the best time in both ur lives drive u apart. Compromise. Both of u! Love each other and the little Guy. I bet he's cute. Congratulations!

  • trayseehalf
    August 30, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    I slept in our recliner with our son, now 13 1/2. With our daughter I slept on our loveseat. They both needed to hear my heartbeat. So they slept on my chest. Our son didn't sleep with us. Once in awhile, on the weekend, we'd let him in our bed. Now our daughter, 4, sleeps with us. She has her own room but is in bed with us about every night.

  • RADmomma
    August 30, 2013 at 10:25 PM
    Please do not leave him to cry in his bed at a month old. He needs you.

    Why not sleep in your bed with baby & hubby?
    Where is his bassinet? Try wearing a shirt all day... Then put his bassinet mattress in the shirt (like a sheet) and see if that helps him sleep. You can also try putting a warm rice pack in his bed too. It resembles your warmth.

    You could also try a co sleeper;jsessionid=E92A05C7B3D78798E0756ED2B7AAC9FD#search/Cosleeper

    Sorry I can't make it clicky. I'm mobile. A cosleeper has been wonderful for us. We have the arms reach in cocoa & fern. Love it!

    Please follow your mommy nature & cuddle that beautiful baby!!!
  • Imjustinsmommy
    August 30, 2013 at 10:27 PM

    been there with the baby being up often & all  but no.. my dh has always been up with us.. my ds2 was the hardest   we tried everything. at 1 month you cant spoil them. they dont cry just for attention yet.

     but i agree you can let his " fuss" it out a bit go in if he needs to nurse, nurse him & put him back get him used to his  or bassinet. my ds's both hated the bassinet & we had to use the crib or co sleep fast. both did way better once in the crib though.

  • trainlady
    August 31, 2013 at 1:40 PM

    Well first crack out of the box you NEVER, NEVER, EVER allow your babie to sleep beside you on the couch or in the bed. Many babies have died from this by being smothered. You don't realize it when you are asleep that if you move even a little bit you could smother your child. And you can't say that you are so sensitive that you would know if you had moved or if something was wrong with the baby's breathing. All the mothers of the dead babies felt the same way. They thought they could detect even the most minute movement and when the baby died they found out they were wrong, but it was too late by then. Perhaps your baby just needs to see you when he wakes up and being in a bassinett he can't. Try getting him a small crib or take part of the sides out of the bassinett and see if that works. Put it right next to your bed where he can see you when he opens his eyes. Leave a night light on so he can see you. If you and your husband can tolerate it have some very soft, low baby sleep music for him so he doesn't feel alone when he wakes. If your husband can't tolerate the music and the night light then do it in the living room where you sleep on the couch. Having a baby sleeping with you right from the start is not good. They will get so attached that when they are two or three they are still sleeping with mommy and daddy. He needs to learn right from the first to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes you have to be the stronger one and not give into his every whim. I think your husband is thinking along the right vein and trying to help you and the baby, don't be so hard on him and pay a little more attention to his concerns. Good luck.

  • DakotaHaley
    August 31, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    Nope my hubby doesn't really say much when it comes to things like this. We did a lot of talking before the kids where born about what we were and weren't going to do.

  • EWJensen
    August 31, 2013 at 1:47 PM
    My daughter was the same way. She would only sleep if I was right there next to her. But he is used to being near you. He was near you for 9 months hearing your breathing and your heart beat. It takes time for them to adjust. He will be over it soon it won't last forever.
  • ScrChk23
    August 31, 2013 at 7:31 PM

    He may feel that he is not getting to opportunity to care for him.  Ask your husband if he would like to fee the baby or play with him.  Then you go and shower, take a nap, or leave the hosue for a little bit.  Give them some bonding time and have a little bit of time for yourself.  It is very hard to let someone else care for a new baby, trust me I have been there, but you will both feel better.

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