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SJerseyMom23
What do you do when your kid IS the bully?!
July 25, 2013 at 12:35 PM
My almost six year old son is a bully!! I made the mistake of kind of brushing it off for a long time bc he has two older brothers so I just thought he'd grow out of it. When he tries to be mean to someone and they put him in his place it ends there. BUT...if a kid whines and tattles and reacts he goes in for the kill! Not physically , that's never happened except with his brothers. But he says really mean things. I punish him, I tell him he isn't going to have any friends, no one wants to play with a mean boy...,he says he doesn't care. Nothing has worked!!! Help!!!

Replies

  • happymommy1105
    July 25, 2013 at 12:41 PM
    He would be made to publicly say sorry to anybody he hurt.

    He would have absolutely nothing until he showed me he could and will treat others with respect. when I say nothing....I mean nothing. He would have a mattress on the floor, enough clothes to make it through the week and nothing else. There would be no tv. There would be no games, sports etc.

    He would never be allowed out of my sight when playing with others until he showed me change.

    He would be doing lots of chores.

    No bullying is tolerated in my home. Of any kind.
  • SJerseyMom23
    July 25, 2013 at 12:48 PM
    I've def made him apologize. It's never happened at school or anything. Mostly in the neighborhood. I admit I'm the queen if idle threats...my other two boys are the polar opposite and would never be mean to a friend. I have incentivized, taken even special time with dad away (he looks fwd to after dinner wiffle ball) . It all has only worked for a short time.
  • SJerseyMom23
    July 25, 2013 at 12:56 PM
    And....sorry this is all coming to me in pieces...he doesn't really make fun of people....he more or less finds one thing to say that drives someone nuts and continuously pushes that button.
  • amonkeymom
    July 25, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Welcome to CafeMom.

    Have you thought about therapy or counseling to help your son with his anger/reactions when someone does something he doesn't like?  It might be something to look into.

    Quoting SJerseyMom23:

    My almost six year old son is a bully!! I made the mistake of kind of brushing it off for a long time bc he has two older brothers so I just thought he'd grow out of it. When he tries to be mean to someone and they put him in his place it ends there. BUT...if a kid whines and tattles and reacts he goes in for the kill! Not physically , that's never happened except with his brothers. But he says really mean things. I punish him, I tell him he isn't going to have any friends, no one wants to play with a mean boy...,he says he doesn't care. Nothing has worked!!! Help!!!


  • LancesMom
    July 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    How are you punishing him? I think I would end all of the bullying totally with his brothers too! You need to be consistant and punish him immediately. Whether he or his brothers are bullying. The punishment has to be something that has meaning. Taking something away. A favorite toy, a trip, something that he will really feel the effect of. And you need to do it everytime!

  • NDADanceMom
    July 26, 2013 at 11:37 AM
    Kids that are bullied generally do it for 2 reasons. They either grew up in a home that is too lax and they feel like they can do what they want, huge egos! Or they were in a too strict house and bully to feel stronger. Find out the reason he bullies.
  • RADmomma
    July 26, 2013 at 12:13 PM
    I honest don't know. My daughter is very aware of others feelings & being nice.

    The next time he gets his feelings hurt talk to him about the way he feels & ask him if he likes it... Then tell him that is how he makes others feel when he is mean.

    Then when he's being mean explain it again & pick a punishment. Be consistent & stand your ground.
  • Alwaysmotivated
    July 26, 2013 at 1:11 PM

    I would say just stay on top of him, let him know that its not cool and that it hurts others feelings and hope that he would get it.. Also, involve his brothers because he probably shadows them not that they are bulleys but boys are rough and he may think its ok.. All the best.. 

  • mamav2215
    July 26, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    In my experience with kids... if they're a verbal bully at 5 or 6... they will probably become more of a physically bully as they get older. DO NOT let him get away with this behavior. Obviously kids rough house, and boys especially. But if you think he's learning behavior from his older brothers picking on him... perhaps you need to stop that at home. 

    If it were my kid... he'd have to say he was sorry to every kid he picks on... whether they put him in his place or not. Kids hate that... that alone might stop it. But I would also ground him to his room every time. He's old enough to be taken out of group activities with his brothers and sit in his room alone for a decent amount of time. If my kid flat out told me he didn't care if he had friends... i'd be concerned and probably talking to a counselor. Not to freak you out for no reason... but there might be a reason he's acting out. Maybe your older kids are meaner to him than you think they are. Sibs can be awful. Good luck!

  • mamav2215
    July 26, 2013 at 3:49 PM

    I'd be REALLY careful with taking special time with his father away. Are you two not together? If you're not... that time with him is INCREDIBLY important, and even if you are together... losing special time with his dad is not what I would do. Maybe he loose wiffle ball and then goes to dinner with dad and discusses why he missed wiffle ball and how it makes him feel to miss it and what he needs to do differently. 

    And anytime someone hurts his feelings use it as a way to show him how he makes people feel. 


    Quoting SJerseyMom23:

    I've def made him apologize. It's never happened at school or anything. Mostly in the neighborhood. I admit I'm the queen if idle threats...my other two boys are the polar opposite and would never be mean to a friend. I have incentivized, taken even special time with dad away (he looks fwd to after dinner wiffle ball) . It all has only worked for a short time.



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