ladyofnight
I don't know what I should do...
July 20, 2013 at 10:18 PM

My mom told me tonight that our neighbor saw my husband slap one of our boys across the back of the head. I didn't know anything about it. I don't know if I should say something or just wait and see for myself when he gets home. I don't want to think of my boys being abused in anyway. Sure I yell once in a while, but things get better a week or two after he leaves for work. The last few days has been pretty good. I haven't had to yell once at the kids for anything. They've listened to me and done everything i've asked them to do.

The question is do I say somthing about it to my husband while he's away or wait till he comes home in 5 weeks? It really has me really bothered. I WILL NOT stay with a man who punishes the kids in a manner like that. I also know he has a favorite child out of the two. I don't have one at all, I love my boys equally. Our oldest kind of gets the short end of the stick with him. He gets yelled at more, or punished more severely than our youngest. He actually doesn't get punished half of what his brother does when my husband has hand in it. 

I can't stand thinking that he's behaving this way with our kids. I see the difference in treatment and have tried talking to him about it, but he gets all defensive and hateful with me about it.  



Replies

  • frndlyfn
    July 20, 2013 at 10:27 PM

    I would talk calmly about it with him while he is away so you have that distance when tempers get heated.  He needs to understand that the preferential treatment is another form of abuse when he targets one over hte other for punishments.  There are all forms of abuse possible and the fact he gets hateful with you when you try to discuss this shows a red flag.

  • ladyofnight
    July 20, 2013 at 10:48 PM

    He honestly doesn't see there is a difference. He swears he doesn't have a favorite. My mom asked me not to say anything to him just to watch. But i feel like the issue should be addressed. 



    Quoting frndlyfn:

    I would talk calmly about it with him while he is away so you have that distance when tempers get heated.  He needs to understand that the preferential treatment is another form of abuse when he targets one over hte other for punishments.  There are all forms of abuse possible and the fact he gets hateful with you when you try to discuss this shows a red flag.



  • frndlyfn
    July 20, 2013 at 10:56 PM

    Maybe talk to the child so you can get their side of story and then go from there.  Not sure what else to do since we do not want another incident like this to happen again.

    Quoting ladyofnight:

    He honestly doesn't see there is a difference. He swears he doesn't have a favorite. My mom asked me not to say anything to him just to watch. But i feel like the issue should be addressed. 



    Quoting frndlyfn:

    I would talk calmly about it with him while he is away so you have that distance when tempers get heated.  He needs to understand that the preferential treatment is another form of abuse when he targets one over hte other for punishments.  There are all forms of abuse possible and the fact he gets hateful with you when you try to discuss this shows a red flag.




  • mkjmommy
    July 20, 2013 at 11:01 PM
    I would talk to him. And I agree with the pp about talking while he is gone to give you distance. But I think something should be done about this.
  • ladyofnight
    July 20, 2013 at 11:07 PM

    Thanks ladies. I will definitely consider it. He isn't working tomorrow so maybe I can talk to him about it without him getting too angry. 

    We haven't fought but maybe 3 times in the last 6 months which isn't bad for us considering we used to fight on a weekly almost every-other-day basis before we moved.  

  • terpmama
    July 20, 2013 at 11:40 PM

    How old are the kids? We hold our oldest to a slightly higher standard but they are small still (2 and 4) and we explain that brother still needs to learn certain rules so he gets and extra reminder/warning and that when oldest was that age he got the same extra warning and he seemed ok with that since he also gets extra priveledges since he's older (like an allowance, chores, and can choose to skip nap and have quiet time instead). 

  • ladyofnight
    July 21, 2013 at 10:06 AM
    They are 6 and almost 8


    Quoting terpmama:

    How old are the kids? We hold our oldest to a slightly higher standard but they are small still (2 and 4) and we explain that brother still needs to learn certain rules so he gets and extra reminder/warning and that when oldest was that age he got the same extra warning and he seemed ok with that since he also gets extra priveledges since he's older (like an allowance, chores, and can choose to skip nap and have quiet time instead).