by MentorMom1July 9, 2013 at 10:47 PM
I am so sorry. I have been through this more times than I can say. You are experiencing a high level of stress due to the move. Everything is unfamiliar. You are used to certain sights, sounds, stores, streets, the smell of the air, even. It's hard to predict how you will react before you move. But you need to really watch yourself, not to become depressed.
Of course you miss home. And your kids do, too. Moving is expensive. I am somewhere that I can't move home right away, due to DH's job. But we are planning every day. And moving toward that goal.
I wish I could make the pain go away for you. I have been there big time. Please know that your DH probably feels a boat-load of guilt. If you complain about going home, he will feel worse. When people feel helpless - they can become stressed, too. Guys can become angry and take out their guilty feelings on the family. But it's your whole family's situation. Not just his. Now is the time to really become a team.
Think of it as "Florida Camp." You are there for a while. Dedicate yourself to your kids and their summer, their education, whatever you can do to get closer and build relationships with them. DH and I really have worked on our relationship since our move. It's been a journey.
I can suggest a couple of things. Don't complain around the kids. If you have to cry, try to do it alone, or with a counselor or member of the clergy.
Go out every day. Don't hibernate. Going out is imperative for your endorphins.
Exercise at least 15 minutes a day.
If you find yourself escaping, become aware of it. Examine yourself and think about what pain you are feeling, or carrying from the past, from your childhood. If you are totally grieving, think about a time in the past when you were hurt, and needed someone to comfort you. And now breathe through it. Try to let the stress dissipate. New stresses are always worse when we are carrying around past traumas from childhood. Try to work through areas in your life that need working on. This is so that you don't keep playing the same stress tape every day, every time you wake up and think you are not safe in your new place. What I mean by "safe" is that no one is going to hurt you now. You are fine right where you are, in this instant.
Stay in the the present as much as you can. Be present with your kids and husband. Try to make your home pleasant and pretty, use your old things from your other home, be around the familiar things that comfort you. And try to keep in touch with old friends, but give it a rest if it make you depressed. That's not the goal.
Take the kids to a movie. Discover new things together. Keep a journal of "Florida Camp." You can get through this.
by autiovisualJuly 10, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Wow do I understand about being somewhere you absolutely hate. We are openly ostracized here. Impossible to make friends or what. Its the political climate against Anglos which makes news headlines on a fairly alarming basis. My mom is the reason I got hood winked into accepting this. Don't ask!
July 10, 2013 at 1:50 PM
Why did you move to be closer to family that doesn't even talk to you? I totally understand the feeling of heartbrokenness by your DH stating "if" and not "when"