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LDavis33
Is this rude, or is it just me? EDITED TO ADD #3
July 5, 2013 at 10:39 AM

I stopped at the grocery store this morning with my 9 month old daughter to pick up a loaf of bread.  I got in the check out line behind two people.  The lady right in front of me had a cart load of groceries.  So I stood there in line, holding my daughter and a loaf of bread waiting for my turn.

I thought it was inconsiderate to not offer to let me ahead of her.  If I find myself in a similar situation I always offer, even if I have my kids and the person behind me is alone.  To me, it's just common courtesy.

FYI. There was only 1 line open, no express line.  She absolutely knew I was there because she had to go around me to grab a magazine from the rack behind me.

ETA.  Wow.  I really didn't expect that I would be in the minority on this one.  I thought that letting someone ahead of you in line was just common courtesy, like holding the door for the person behind you.  

I'm really surprised that some of you think I was rude by expecting to be allowed to go ahead.  First of all, I didn't actually "expect" it (I've learned a long time ago that expecting people to be considerate and polite is a waste of time), I just thought it was inconsiderate. Secondly, even if I did expect it, I don't see how that would be rude.  I mean, expecting people to be kind and considerate of others is rude?  Hmmmm.  Perhaps if I had said something to her, that would have been rude, but I simply waited patiently in line with my daughter.

I do get that her time is just as important as mine, but honestly what is 30 seconds to anyone?

And, for further clarification I am not a spoiled, entitled brat.  I'm just someone who was raised to go out of my way to help others and am sometimes surprised that not everyone was taught common courtesy.

ETA #2.

Well apparently I am in the minority on this one.  I honestly thought this was a common act of courtesy.  I do it all of the time and others have done it for me. 

You can continue to believe that I am a spoiled, entitled brat.  But just remember, the next time you are stuck in traffic, trying to merge and someone lets you in it might be me.  Or if you are running through a downpour towards the bank, and someone waits an extra 5 seconds to hold the door for you, it might be me.

ETA #3.

Well, I'm glad to see I have a couple of supporters out there.  I guess we just look at the world a little differently that the majority of people.  

To those who resorted to name calling (you know who you are), all I have to say is "how rude!"




Replies

  • Bertha21
    July 5, 2013 at 12:14 PM
    not rude at all
  • jessi2girls
    July 5, 2013 at 12:20 PM

    While it is common curtesy to let someone ahead of you in line when they have only a few items and you have a lot, or if they have something heavy and you don't.. it's not curtesy to assume you are entitled a line jump just because you have fewer items.. 

    See, the thing about being nice is not expecting it to be returned to you! Be grateful when it is, but expecing it does come off as being entitled.. and it's no longer then about being polite or nice.. it's about a favor with strings attached..


  • LDavis33
    July 5, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    Yeah, I guess that is part of my problem.  My DH is always reminding me that not everyone was raised like I was and that some people just don't have that "polite" gene.  


    Quoting L202M:


    I know what you mean.  I have found that people who are very courteous will get offened when it's not reciprocated.  It's like my mother...she will buy people cards for no reason other than the fact that she was in the card aisle and thought about them when she saw a pretty card.  But she gets offended when they don't do the same for her.  I always tell her that she can't expect other people to be like her and do what she does, and that her feelings aren't what other people should feel.  

    So, I guess, this is the same thing.  You are very considerate of people and that's why it bothers you when you don't see it in other people...it's not that you feel entitled.


    Quoting LDavis33:

    Yeah, perhaps I did choose the wrong word... inconsiderate might have been a better choice.  It didn't bother me a whole lot, it was just a random thing that happened to me that I thought might start a discussion about manners.  

    Quoting L202M:

    I understand what you are saying, but maybe you used the wrong word when you said that it was rude.  Was it inconsiderate?...yes, but not rude.   I think people are just responding to the word you used.  It would have been nice if she let you in, but no big deal if she didn't.  The fact that it bothered you this much is, I think, why people are thinking that you feel entitled.






  • Bee86lpn
    July 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM
    Yeah and say the person behind you just had a bag of candy, and the next just some milk. Where does it end? Should she just keep letting people in front of her because they only have one thing,
  • LDavis33
    July 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM

    Thanks.  Again, while I wasn't really "expecting" it, I still don't understand how it is rude to expect others to be considerate.  It's not as if I said anything to her or stood in line huffing under my breath about how people today lack common decency (that would've been rude).  I waited patiently and played with my daughter the whole time.  

    Quoting Bonneata:

    Common courtesy and respect for others has one completely out the window. I cannot believe the number moms that thought it was rude of you to want people to behave in a considerate manner. People have done tis for me once or twice and I have done it for others as well


  • LDavis33
    July 5, 2013 at 12:34 PM

    I didn't feel entitled to go ahead of her, I just thought it was inconsiderate not to offer.  

    Quoting MrsImperfect:

    I am always considerate of others. Always. Thats just my nature. Even though people are not to me. If I see that I usually let the person go ahead of me but I don't always pay attention to what the person behind me has or is doing. BUT I don't see it as rude when the gesture isn't offered. I do feel its rude to assume (general) you have the obligation to go ahead of anyone just because you have less stuff. Or if your standing in line huffing about not being able to go ahead.


  • LDavis33
    July 5, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    Well, good question I'd have to think about that one.  But that wasn't the situation this morning.  It was just me, her and the person in front of her.  

    Quoting Bee86lpn:

    Yeah and say the person behind you just had a bag of candy, and the next just some milk. Where does it end? Should she just keep letting people in front of her because they only have one thing,


  • LDavis33
    July 5, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    Generally I don't expect people to "return" acts of kindness.  I just sometimes wonder why people are so self-involved that they seem to throw courtesy out of the window (of course, on this point I am talking in generalities, not just about this particular incident).

    But I absolutely get where you are coming from.  

    Quoting jessi2girls:

    While it is common curtesy to let someone ahead of you in line when they have only a few items and you have a lot, or if they have something heavy and you don't.. it's not curtesy to assume you are entitled a line jump just because you have fewer items.. 

    See, the thing about being nice is not expecting it to be returned to you! Be grateful when it is, but expecing it does come off as being entitled.. and it's no longer then about being polite or nice.. it's about a favor with strings attached..



  • goldilocksbecky
    July 5, 2013 at 12:40 PM

     This.  You should do nice things just because.  If  you expect it in return (and getting upset if peopled don't recipricate) then you're putting strings on it and setting yourself up for heartache, bitterness, resentment.  The only "return" you should expect for doing something nice is the feeling of knowing that you did the right thing.  The only person you can control is yourself . . . and your children in your efforts to teach them well.


    Quoting jessi2girls:

    While it is common curtesy to let someone ahead of you in line when they have only a few items and you have a lot, or if they have something heavy and you don't.. it's not curtesy to assume you are entitled a line jump just because you have fewer items.. 

    See, the thing about being nice is not expecting it to be returned to you! Be grateful when it is, but expecing it does come off as being entitled.. and it's no longer then about being polite or nice.. it's about a favor with strings attached..



     

  • L202M
    by L202M
    July 5, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    This is so my mother. She does things for people (like I wrote in a previous reply) and then expects it back. With her, it absolutely does lead to bitterness, resentment and she does feel heartache because she then reminates on how people don't care about her.  There are strings attached to every favor, every present...even thoughts.  She is very controlling.


    Quoting goldilocksbecky:

     This.  You should do nice things just because.  If  you expect it in return (and getting upset if peopled don't recipricate) then you're putting strings on it and setting yourself up for heartache, bitterness, resentment.  The only "return" you should expect for doing something nice is the feeling of knowing that you did the right thing.  The only person you can control is yourself . . . and your children in your efforts to teach them well.


    Quoting jessi2girls:

    While it is common curtesy to let someone ahead of you in line when they have only a few items and you have a lot, or if they have something heavy and you don't.. it's not curtesy to assume you are entitled a line jump just because you have fewer items.. 

    See, the thing about being nice is not expecting it to be returned to you! Be grateful when it is, but expecing it does come off as being entitled.. and it's no longer then about being polite or nice.. it's about a favor with strings attached..






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