Kageegirl
the phone call that rocked our world th is weekend!
June 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM
this weekend has been a real adventure. Dh's 12 year old daughtet called. He hasn't seen or spoken to her in 9 years so it was totally out of the blue. The reason behind that was because when she was 3 dh was pur on probation for something that happened. The terms of his probation said that he was not allowed to have contact with his daughter. once off probation when she was 9 years old he tried to contact her but her mother threatened him. Said she would take him back to court for morw child support, she lie and make up stuff to try and get him thrown in jail ect. He did take her to court but the courts agreed that he shouldn't be allowed to she her.

So all this time he has paid his child support in full and on time, kept health insurance on her, paid for half of all school expenses and sent her $100 on her birthday and christmas.

Saturday late afternoon he gets a phone call from his daughter asking if a she can come over. Dh was at work and couldn't get off but set up for the next day. The next day we picked her up and took her to the flea market and out to lunch. Dh told me that she said her mother has been telling her all along that the reason he hasn't seen her is because he didn't love her and thought she was a burden. He explained how that wasn"t true. Well throught the visit she kept asking odd questions. She asked me how much I paid for my car, begged dh to take her to see our house and asked if she could come over for christmas. Very nice girl, very cute. She didn't seem upset or shyed away from anything. To me it seemed like she didn't care why he dad wasn"t around all those years. Almost as if she had a different agenda.

Well when we dropped her off her mom was telling dh and I how every 3 years she gets a letter from the state asking if she wants to modify the child support but she declines because dh always pays his child support in full and on time. Not like her other kids dad who doesn't. Dh said he felt like she was nicely threatening him. Why would you tell your daughters father in front of her that you considered taking him for more money but didn't that we should be greatful.

I told dh to tread lightly on this whole situation. That I will support him having a relationship with his daughter. That I am here for him and will support him 100 percent. We'll just have too see where it goes. What do you make of the situation?

Replies

  • ScrChk23
    June 10, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    I am not really sure what her motive was behind the statement about the CS.  It almost sounds like a plea for him not to write the state and try to modify it.  Sounds like she would be entitled to less if the daughter were spending more time with her father.

  • frillyflower
    June 10, 2013 at 8:39 AM
    Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.
  • Kageegirl
    June 10, 2013 at 8:39 AM
    We have never tried to modify the child support nor would we ever and she knows that.


    Quoting ScrChk23:

    I am not really sure what her motive was behind the statement about the CS.  It almost sounds like a plea for him not to write the state and try to modify it.  Sounds like she would be entitled to less if the daughter were spending more time with her father.


  • June3May4June3
    June 10, 2013 at 8:42 AM


    This was my first thought too!

    Quoting frillyflower:

    Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.



  • ScrChk23
    June 10, 2013 at 8:44 AM

     Maybe she has a fear of it now that your DH's daughter wants him in her life.  ???  I would do what you said and 'tread lightly'.

    Quoting Kageegirl:

    We have never tried to modify the child support nor would we ever and she knows that.


    Quoting ScrChk23:

    I am not really sure what her motive was behind the statement about the CS.  It almost sounds like a plea for him not to write the state and try to modify it.  Sounds like she would be entitled to less if the daughter were spending more time with her father.


     

  • notomatoes
    June 10, 2013 at 9:38 AM

    sounds like the ex wife is trying to get a feel for how much money her ex husband is actually making and she is using her child to find this out..my husband has an ex wife just like this guys ex wife, every time the child asks how much did you make? hoiw much money did you spend on this or that? ask her, "why? did your mother ask you to find out or are you just curious?" ask questions! sounds like the ex wife is trying hard to live beyound her means and she expects child support to help her with that..my husbands ex wife tried more then once to use the child support money to buy things for herself, sorry but if you want to buy make up and expensive shoes for yourself, dont bother to expect an ex to pick up the tab!keep track of every time she asks you for more money, claiming the child needs this or that, offer to buy the item in question but never hand her cash..it will go right in her pocket and your kid wont see a dime of it! been there. done that and keep your receipts!

  • AutymsMommy
    June 10, 2013 at 9:42 AM


    While the daughter's questions themselves aren't fishy to me (my almost 12 year old is interested in how much things cost because she has grand visions of what she wants as an adult, lol!), the circumstances ARE reason to tread lightly. I would encourage the relationship with the daughter.

    Here's the thing, if she had been sent to scope and that was the daughter's sole mission, she wouldn't have confided that mom told her bad things about your dh. Period. She would have played her angle but not talked badly about her mother and what her mother had said. That is telling.

    Quoting frillyflower:

    Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.



  • coolmommy2x
    June 10, 2013 at 9:47 AM
    I bwould also talk to a lawyer. If the courts thought he should stay away from her but now she wants a relationship, I would see what he's entitled to and make sur everything folows the letter of the law so if they pull a fast one, he's clear. KWIM?

    Quoting ScrChk23:

     Maybe she has a fear of it now that your DH's daughter wants him in her life.  ???  I would do what you said and 'tread lightly'.


    Quoting Kageegirl:

    We have never tried to modify the child support nor would we ever and she knows that.



    Quoting ScrChk23:


    I am not really sure what her motive was behind the statement about the CS.  It almost sounds like a plea for him not to write the state and try to modify it.  Sounds like she would be entitled to less if the daughter were spending more time with her father.



     

  • Kageegirl
    June 10, 2013 at 9:48 AM
    His daughter told dh a story about how she asked for a video game and her mom said they didn't have the money. Then turned around 3 days later and bought a 55 inch tv. Tried to tell dh her mom doesn't get her stuff because they don't have a lot of money. Her mom told us that last summer she (his daughter) went to a styx and reo speedwagon concert, went to a wwe match downtown, plays baseballe on a team and takes katate. Doesn't sound like she lacks for money. Heck her daughter told us this past fall she helped her grandpa run his haunted hause and he paid her $250. She said she still has a lot still left.


    Quoting notomatoes:

    sounds like the ex wife is trying to get a feel for how much money her ex husband is actually making and she is using her child to find this out..my husband has an ex wife just like this guys ex wife, every time the child asks how much did you make? hoiw much money did you spend on this or that? ask her, "why? did your mother ask you to find out or are you just curious?" ask questions! sounds like the ex wife is trying hard to live beyound her means and she expects child support to help her with that..my husbands ex wife tried more then once to use the child support money to buy things for herself, sorry but if you want to buy make up and expensive shoes for yourself, dont bother to expect an ex to pick up the tab!keep track of every time she asks you for more money, claiming the child needs this or that, offer to buy the item in question but never hand her cash..it will go right in her pocket and your kid wont see a dime of it! been there. done that and keep your receipts!


  • RJC78
    by RJC78
    June 10, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    What a tough situation!  Sounds like the mom is possibly trying to use her a a pawn to see what he's worth and how much money she might be able to get.  If I were him, I would keep visiting with her at every chance but DOCUMENT!!! EVERYTHING!!!  That way if they end up back in court, he should be able to get visitation established even if his cs gets raised.  Good luck and hugs!