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Love2Bugs
She is asking about her dad ....
May 17, 2013 at 10:43 PM

 Idk how to handle this. My 5 year old has never asked or even noticed anything was different about our family. I know the time was sure to come and im glad she is asking but idk what to say to her or what words to use and not use when telling her. Her dad and i are divorced. We have not seen him in 3 years. I have not goten child support in almost a year now and he never calls or sends anything. The last time i even heard from him was on March 25 on my oldests birthday. He called at like 9 at night. I was putting her to bed and did not see my phone till almost 10 and by that time she was already asleep (no he did not tell me he was going to call, he has never called before). She has asked where he is before and i always tell her that he lives far away (truth, he lives in FL and we are in TN). The other day my mom picked her up from daycare and she began to ask the questions. Where is my dad ? Why is he so far away ? Can i see him ? Etc Etc. I dont know how to best handle this. Im struggling financially as it is. I cant afford 3 plain tickets or to drive all the way down there not to mention hotel and what not. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this the best way ? Without hurting her or haing her be angry at me ??

Replies

  • Chelsey191
    May 17, 2013 at 10:46 PM
    Be honest. I'm going through the same thing with ds and his dad. Ds is 4 yo and his dad lives in South Africa.
  • MarMar4
    by MarMar4
    May 17, 2013 at 10:49 PM
    Just be honest. My mother was honest about my "father" when I was younger and I completely respect that.
  • Love2Bugs
    May 17, 2013 at 10:50 PM

     She knows he lives far away. And i can tell her we cant afford to go to him. But what about when she asks about why he doesnt come ? Then what do i tell her ? I mean he just doesnt. Idk why he doesnt. We dont talk. Like ever. This whole thing just breaks my heart. My mom thinks i need to sit down with her and talk to her about it before she starts Kindergarten. Because kids are going to ask her about it. Should i sit with her and talk about it or should i wait till she asks me again ?

  • Love2Bugs
    May 17, 2013 at 11:35 PM

     Anyone else with experience ??

  • Love2Bugs
    May 18, 2013 at 1:09 AM
    ...
  • RoseWall
    May 18, 2013 at 1:17 AM

    i wonder. can you use the internet for her to communicate with him? cell phone calls, email and skype. i imagine you could relay the messages for her. keep them in touch with each other. somehow. 

    i am sending positive energy your way

    my kid was five when i divorced but younger when i seperated. i answered as close to the truth as possible. i always encouraged my kids to have a relationshhip with the other parent.

    my ds did call by cell. i ended up getting him own cell phone and email. now that he is older he  texts and emails.

    maybe your dd can communicate with her father in this way with your help.


  • KellBell0820
    May 18, 2013 at 7:21 AM
    Me and my ex separated when my daughter was 3 1/2. It was hard for her because he had been deployed too. She doesn't ask much anymore, he also doesn't call but does see her randomly, maybe twice in the last year and before that none for like 2 years. When she did ask I told her that he didn't feel good, kind of like he was sick, and needed space to think about things and get better. It was true for our situation.
  • Mamabear_5
    May 18, 2013 at 7:31 AM
    Just be honest. She'll respect you later on. Have you tried to call her dad and talk to him. After you tried all that you can do then sit get down. Don't put her father down but be honest.

    For years I've listened to my mom and dad put each other down and believe me I hate and resent both of them.

    My own children have had to hear it from their fathers g/f's ( he's had more than one since our divorce and I'm remarried. I've dated one man since my divorce and that's my husband). It's not fair to my children and I see the effects and its taken me a great deal of pain and reaching out to get their father to see it as well.

    Good luck mama!!
  • candys9901
    May 18, 2013 at 9:43 AM

     

    i think he should come to u instead of u going to him. tell her that daddy lives far away and thats y we dont see him.

  • dtm1491
    by dtm1491
    May 18, 2013 at 9:54 AM

    I went through this and my dd is 10. The last time she saw her Father she was 1 and she was about the same age as your child. What I did worked for us so I will pass it on to you and hope it works the same. The very first thing I did was go to Amazon.com and I purchased a book titled *DO I HAVE A DADDY?*. I highly recommend this book. It tells the story of a child asking his single Mom where his Dad is and it points out some reasons why Mommy's and Daddy's sometimes can't live together. We turned to this book for years. I was also very honest, never bad talked him. I just said that we had two different lives and that her life was with me. After a while she stopped asking. Now at 10 she doesn't ask at all and I have since passed the book on to someone else. It was truly one of the best tools I used.

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