Mamamanic
Attention Seeking behavior...???
May 3, 2013 at 9:33 PM

I am so utterly worn out. I have this child in my preschool class that is so strong willed. It can be about nothing at all. Before it was small things like she didn't want to pick up so I made her wait till she did it and join the group. It would take her 30-45min before she gave in and decided she wanted to join us. Now it has taken on a new level. Unprovoked she will start making tons of noise so I can not read a story or anything to my class. Realizing this was attention seeking, I refused to address it and we continued to leave her out of activities until her behavior was acceptable. She then turned into throwing objects in my class. I swept her mess into a pile at the end of class yesterday and today she finally broke and cleaned it.

 It is finally Friday and I couldn't be happier, she has me totally drained. She kept it going all day long. She has turned and is very disrespectful, I know she likes me and I show her I like her. But todayat naptime she told me in a rude way that I needed to rub her forehead, and I said I would not be talked to in that way. She refused to change it to nice talking. She has always been fond of me even through 45min time out sessions. I am at a loss? Is she just testing me more to see how I can be as stubburn as her? Any Ideas. I also think it may be that she wants all my attention on her at all times. If you have experiences, please share

Replies

  • Anoronlight
    May 3, 2013 at 9:53 PM

    I had a child like that when I worked in daycare. I did the timeout method, but you are only supposed to do it for 1 minute for every age of the child (3 years old gets 3 minutes, etc.) I used to tell the kid what was wrong, why it was wrong and that time out was a way for him to think about it and figure out a better solution. He was the same thing and his mom worked with me! After repeatedly putting my foot down and being consistant (firm, but not mean) with him. I would always follow up with asking him if he understand why he was in time out and asked what he could do different next time. He finally got the idea and when he  would screw up again (which ended up being rare from what I was used to doing) he would put himself in time out, pull me aside tell me what why and go clean it up and so on. Even his mom saw the improvement and she called him a little brat. lol

  • Mamamanic
    May 3, 2013 at 10:04 PM

    Of course I do time-outs. They worked and now all of a sudden they don't. I even have to sit with her to keep her in time-out. It is like she wants me to be putting her in time-out all the time. She isn't learning and it isn't getting better. I have seen improvements and now I am totally derailed by how she has been acting. 

    Quoting Anoronlight:

    I had a child like that when I worked in daycare. I did the timeout method, but you are only supposed to do it for 1 minute for every age of the child (3 years old gets 3 minutes, etc.) I used to tell the kid what was wrong, why it was wrong and that time out was a way for him to think about it and figure out a better solution. He was the same thing and his mom worked with me! After repeatedly putting my foot down and being consistant (firm, but not mean) with him. I would always follow up with asking him if he understand why he was in time out and asked what he could do different next time. He finally got the idea and when he  would screw up again (which ended up being rare from what I was used to doing) he would put himself in time out, pull me aside tell me what why and go clean it up and so on. Even his mom saw the improvement and she called him a little brat. lol


  • frndlyfn
    May 3, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    Is there anyone who can step in and evaluate her for any other issues that could be underlying?  I have been dealing with a child who compulsively lies for attention.  She was upset bc my dd was invited to go out whereas she had to stay behind.  She told me so n so's mom called and invited me too, she (the mom) already talked to my mom about it .   I told her to quit lying or she would lose her dessert privilege.  Her mom usually does not allow too much sugar so this was a special treat.

  • Mamamanic
    May 4, 2013 at 12:29 AM

    There are other factors like a family trama where I am sure the entire family is dealing with a loss. There needs to be a plan for her, and I hope I made it perfectly clear today while I let her scream and disrupt the entire school in the hallway today. I am one person, they either want it addressed or not, but she will not be in my class and act out in such a disrupting way. I had teachers come down and tell me she is waking up their children. Well what do you suggest, I take her in the next room next to yours while she screams. I told the teacher I was out there so the problem would be handled away from her room. They want us to be in control. but not step in when needed. I feel for the rest of my class becuae nothing is getting accomplished vwith them. 

  • jconney80
    May 4, 2013 at 12:42 AM
    45 minute time outs are not appropriate for her age and won't work. My guess is they are completely ineffective with her.

    Has she ever been evaluated for other issues? My son with autism spectrum disorder acts like that frequently. Almost exactly.

    I would send her to the office every time she's disruptive or sit down weigh your director to talk about the seriousness of it. I personally think excluding her isn't going to help either. I would find out if you can have a person from the school district or early intervention come and observe her.
  • Mamamanic
    May 11, 2013 at 1:20 AM

    They are not real true time outs. Because honestly she won't sit for a time out so I do the well you need to do this before you can move onto the next activity. If I simply allowed her to rejoin, then her stubborness would have its way with my role as the leader of the class. Or she just screams and screams 45min worth with me helping her body be in control. I did eventually get her where she would sit and then join us, but now she is just plain stubborn about everything. To me it seems she is fully aware of her behavior because now she is taunting about it.

    We are setting up a meeting with both parents and insisting that a behavioral psychologist be involved because we are not sure if we can meet all her needs. 

    Quoting jconney80:

    45 minute time outs are not appropriate for her age and won't work. My guess is they are completely ineffective with her.

    Has she ever been evaluated for other issues? My son with autism spectrum disorder acts like that frequently. Almost exactly.

    I would send her to the office every time she's disruptive or sit down weigh your director to talk about the seriousness of it. I personally think excluding her isn't going to help either. I would find out if you can have a person from the school district or early intervention come and observe her.


  • NDADanceMom
    May 11, 2013 at 4:31 AM
    I'm a special Ed teacher and i mainly deal with emotional and behavioral issues, not cognitive issues. This girl is showing early signs of borderline behaviors which are sort of like post traumatic disorder for kids with extreme stressors in early childhood. Once borderline is set in a person the only cure is dialetic behavioral therapy which is intense and a full time job.
    It could also be ODD or EBD. Both get worse if untreated. I suggest documenting what you are experiencing in great detail for one week. Good and bad, every 20 minutes write down what she is doing. Can be brief if you are busy. Have the parents take it to the pediatrician for a referral to a specialist.
  • mommytoeandb
    May 11, 2013 at 4:38 AM

    I think an evaluation would do a world of good.  As a parent, I was mortified by some of the behavior DD had before her ADHD diagnosis.  It was never that bad, but if I wasn't shadowing her she wouldn't be able to control her impulsive behavior.  She started to not participate in class because that was the only way she knew how to not get overstimulated (she would draw pictures at her desk).  She probably does know that the behavior is wrong, but doesn't know how cope.  DD could absolutely tell you HOW she should behavior in her calm moments, and she felt awful after she had made bad choices.  She was diagnosed at age 6 and her exective functioning level was at the age of a three year-old at that point.  With meds and therapy, she has caught up to her peers at almost age 10.  We choose a private evaluation that was three hours over two sessions and got a 30+ page report on ways to help her.  

    Is this a private preschool or school preschool?  DD was able to mostly keep it together in preschool.  Her only behavioral issues there were when she was corned by another student.   It was only three hours and her behaviors were still within the range of a typical preschool student.  It was when she went to all-day school that she became so overwhelmed.  

    ETA:  We did time ins (sitting with her to help her calm down) before time outs would work.  Even at age 9, there are times when she needs to take a moment to calm down.  Fortunately, she is now mature enough to recognize when she needs to step back and regroup.  

    One of the big things that helped with the attention seeking behavior was giving a lot of positive reinforcement and more one on one time.  She has become a good helper.  Getting her engaged in a positive activity gives her something focus on and makes her feel more capable...even if it is just putting the dishes on the table.  It makes her feel good to be able to do something and do it well.    


  • SissyAnn141
    May 11, 2013 at 5:10 AM

    BUMP!

  • StarsntheSky
    May 11, 2013 at 5:33 AM
    There is something wrong and it seems like she is missing something. As you stated she is doing things for attention. Maybe with all the stress over the trauma she isnt getting enough attention OR she could be bored. When my daughter was 3 she started acting out in her class as well. After talking to her and trying a number of options we did a trial run of a harder curriculum and she did just fine. Now she is in an older class and is progressing wonderfully. I'm sure you have already talked to her parents about the behavior but I would speak to them about putting her in the next learning level and see if she just needs to be challenged more.