My son is 6. In kindergarten. His dad and I have been split since he was a baby. I am married to a different guy. My son won't give him the time of day, and acts like everything he does is horrible. And not because he's a bad guy, but because he wants me and his dad back together. We are friends, and co parent well together. But as a couple we don't work. Anyways, my husband tries to play around and rough house with him, and it starts fun, then he ends up getting mad. He came and told me he doesn't like when dad plays so rough and when he says stop he wants him to stop. So, I told Mike, and i put it behind me thinking it was in the past. Well, at school today, they were talking about things they don't like, or "problemas" and Ivan said , " when my dad hits me and kicks me. And I tell my mom, but she ignores me" I do NOT ignore him, but I do have to remind him that dads just trying to play, he doesn't mean to be too rough. And Ivan said hit which is roughly tickling, and kicking is when the kids are running down the hallway, and he gets them in the butt. His daughter thinks it's hilarious. Anyways, now his school thinks he's abused and is writing a report about it, and I'll probably have caps at my door. When his bio dad picked him up from school, the teacher told him, and he called to tell me. When Ivan got home, I had to explain to him the difference between rough housing and being abused. And the way he said it, they think he's being abused. My husband has never hit him. He's never even put him on a time out! Ugh... I'm so frustrated. All he had to say was he didn't want to rough house, but he gets mad if Mike's playing tickles and stuff with his daughter and not him, he always goes to join in. I don't know what to do. He says he just wants me and his papa back together but that's not going to happen..
I am so sorry you are going thru this, I wish I had advice for you. The only thing I can think is to get your son to maybe talk to a pastor or something that can help him sort out his feelings and somebody maybe that can talk to a kid on his level to understand. I hope you the best.
Sit down with you, your son, his father and your husband and explain to him that if he does not want to rough house that is fine but then he can not get mad if your husband is rough housing with his daughter. Explain to him that you and his father are not going to get back together but that both of you love him very much.
You might also consider a calm, proactive call or visit with his teacher, explaining things the way you have to us, as well as telling her your plan for talking with your son, reassuring him, etc. It could show her that you are all on the same team and want what is best for Ivan. Hang in there. As was mentioned, love, truth, reassurance and counseling will all go a long way to help him feel secure and comfortable.