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LABELmeCUTE
What do I say to my 11 year old that thinks God hates her?!long
May 1, 2013 at 2:28 AM
It broke my heart when my DD asked me why did God hate her....
Here's a little back ground on us,
A year ago my husband if 6 years was killed in a car accident,he was my 11 year old DD's step dad,they were really close,and he treated her and loved her as if she was his her real father, it broke her little heart when she found out that he was no longer with us.. Then shortly after that my niece (age 18 now) moved out of our house and went away to college, my DD looked up to her as a big sister and they were really close,my DD loved her,now a few months ago one of my other sisters passed away from a stroke,she was also really close to both of DD's,and just recently my DD's real father went to jail and we're not sure when he's getting out....this morning I picked up my DD from school early, the nurse called and said DD had a headache... I asked her what was wrong and she bursted out in tears a d asked me " why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me"...... My heart just shattered Into pieces,because It's all too much for an 11 year old to take on,she's really mature for her age & all soo she tries to play this tough roll... But I can tell this has been on her mind for a long time, this was soo off guard and I was soo hurt all I did was hug her tight,and let her get all of them bottled up emotions out.....now it's 11:30pm here and I'm up heartbroken over this because I don't ever want anyone of my kids to feel like way,
Any advice will help momas, I'm kinda lost for words here,& I won't sleep until I know that my baby knows that God doesn't hate her

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    May 1, 2013 at 2:42 AM

    Hugs.  My best advice is to have her talk to a religious person within the church since they may be better able to explain that God does not hate her in a way she can understand.    I know that feeling of everyone leaving very well.  Poor baby girl  this is one of the worst feelings of life.

  • GaleJ
    by GaleJ
    May 1, 2013 at 2:46 AM
    While I myself do not believe in God I can understand your concern. Perhaps your daughter might benefit from some counseling to help her to deal with the losses and to help her to be able to put all that has happened in perspective. I send good thoughts and hope she will be able to come to terms with all of it.
  • SissyAnn141
    May 1, 2013 at 3:17 AM

     

    Quoting GaleJ:

    While I myself do not believe in God I can understand your concern. Perhaps your daughter might benefit from some counseling to help her to deal with the losses and to help her to be able to put all that has happened in perspective. I send good thoughts and hope she will be able to come to terms with all of it.

     I would have her speak to your preacher or Youth Minister.

     She may say "NO", but I know from experience - Make her go.....

  • cjsix
    by cjsix
    May 1, 2013 at 3:48 AM

     You Love her with everything you have,which I am sure you do.

    You make sure she knows that like tonight she can always come to you and talk about anything.

    You reassure her that God does love her very much and yet sometimes things happen we don't quite understand.

    Daddy loves her with all his heart even though he is now in heaven. Maybe sharing that with the accident he was hurt very badly and God took him to heaven because He couldn't heal him here.(That's such a difficult thing to explain to a little one.)

    Sister(cousin) still loves her very much but,wants to learn about ____ whatever it is she is going to college for and the school she is going to (or was going to if finished) is the best one for that.

    Auntie,loved you very much and still does but,she was very sick and God needed to bring her to heaven like Daddy so she could be better and not sick anymore.

    Just keep reassuring her that those who are gone loved her more than anything and so does God. Sometimes things happen that we don't understand while we are here on earth but,I truly hope that someday when I die that I will then be able to have the answers to those questions.

    huggingHugs Momma...my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

  • mommytoeandb
    May 1, 2013 at 6:37 AM

    I'm sorry.  Keep reassuring her.  I lost my faith around then and found it again around age 15.  If she seems depressed, I would suggest counseling.  I would have been in a much better place if I had someone to talk to.  

  • jobberwocky
    May 1, 2013 at 7:30 AM
    Now I'm not a religious person. I stopped going to church around the age of 11.

    don't churches offer some counceling services? Maybe there's a youth minister/pastor/reverend that she knows and sees in church who you both can sit down with and talk to? Or maybe you can go sit down with the minister/pastor of your church and ask for guidance on what to say to your daughter.

    11 is such a hard age as it is without all the losses. She may just be feeling overwhelmed and that's the only conclusion she has been able to come to as to why everything has happened.
  • KMAsMommy9182
    May 1, 2013 at 8:06 AM

    I would contact your church immediately.  She needs a counselor as soon as possible.


  • Clairwil
    May 3, 2013 at 8:11 AM
    Quoting LABELmeCUTE:

    " why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me".

    Any advice will help momas

    Well, you could try telling her that God doesn't hate her any more than Lord Voldemort or The Grinch hates her.   They are fictional characters with no actual power to influence what happens in reality, except via humans who happen to believe in them.


  • Clairwil
    May 3, 2013 at 8:14 AM
    Quoting cjsix:

     Daddy loves her with all his heart even though he is now in heaven. Maybe sharing that with the accident he was hurt very badly and God took him to heaven because He couldn't heal him here.(That's such a difficult thing to explain to a little one.)

    There's evidence that this is the true root of theology.   Stories made up to comfort children, by desperate parents.

  • sweetnsassymami
    May 3, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    I went through this as a kid. Lost my mom at 5 my sister at 12. I was angry at God for years. To this day I still struggle with my faith. I would let her talk with the youth pastor and get her in some type of counseling if she isn't already. Unfortunately, that's going to be something she's going to have to work through and figure out for herself(with guidance of course) hugs 

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