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4brynnenjosh
Should I do something, or am I overreacting?
February 13, 2013 at 7:14 AM

Some background on my situation - my ds is 10, almost 11, in the 5th grade.  We've moved recently, so he's at a new school this year, in a large metropolitan city.  He's made some friends, but no one that he would call a best friend at school.

For the last few months, he's been telling me that some kids have been teasing him on the playground during recess, about his physical appearance.  There's nothing really to be teased about (he has a cleft in his chin, that's what they're teasing about), so I figure it's just kids being kids.  I've tried to explain that to him, telling him to just laugh along with them, and to try and walk away.  Now I find out that recently, when he tries to walk away, the kids follow him, and poke him repeatedly, and continue with the teasing.  He has finally told me what is upsetting him at school, and that would explain to me why he has been telling me lately that he doesn't feel well and thinks he should stay home from school.  He has begged me not to say anything to his teachers or his school, but this morning I finally had to make his teacher aware of it.  It is breaking my heart as a mother to watch my son go through this.

So my questions are: is this just kids being kids, or is this bullying?  How do I handle it, either way?  What advice do I give my son - laugh, walk away?  Try and say something witty and teasing back?  At what point do I get more serious with the school?

Thanks ladies, for any advice you have.  XOXO  Lori

Replies

  • mjande4
    by mjande4
    February 13, 2013 at 7:18 AM

    I would say this qualifies as bullying and I don't use that word lightly.  You have taken the first steps by counseling him on how to deal with the situation, as well as spoken the teacher.  I would monitor the situation and see if there is improvement.  I would also highly recommend that your son find a sport or activity after school so he finds some buddies.  Good luck.

  • LoveMyLos
    February 13, 2013 at 7:20 AM

    kids being kids is when kids are just teasing just bc theyre bored, or to be apart of other kids. 

    bullying is when it goes farther, and kids go out of their way to make fun of, and torment the victim. 

    id say it is bullying and i would go to the school for a meeting with the principal, both kids and parents.

  • FooLynRoo
    February 13, 2013 at 7:36 AM
    Teach him the art of teasing others, and to have a sense of humor about himself. Getting upset and stalking away is no way to handle good humored ribbing
  • abecee
    by abecee
    February 13, 2013 at 7:49 AM
    Being followed, poked, and continuously teased is bullying. It's good that you've brought it to the teachers attention.
  • elm498
    by elm498
    February 13, 2013 at 7:57 AM

    This is DEFINITELY bullying!!!!!!  The same thing happened to my son in 6th grade, and it will only get worse for your son.  It needs to be brought to the attention of the teacher and the principal.  They are professional and should know how to handle this so it doesn't effect your son.  Let the school handle it, but if you do see the results you'd like within a week or more contact them again and ask what has been done about the bullying situation.  He may be upset with you at first, but he will be grateful in the long run.  BTDT!

  • elm498
    by elm498
    February 13, 2013 at 8:00 AM

    When an individual is being followed and poked, it is not good humored ribbing.

    Quoting FooLynRoo:

    Teach him the art of teasing others, and to have a sense of humor about himself. Getting upset and stalking away is no way to handle good humored ribbing


  • EvilQueenMommy
    February 13, 2013 at 8:05 AM

    This is bullying. I'm glad you contacted the school. Make sure they are doing something

  • PensFan99
    February 13, 2013 at 8:10 AM
    This.
    I am going through the same stuff, when the kid is"sick" everyday, it is not kids being kids. In my situation i have been to the teacher and principal, and the zero tolerance bullying policy seems to fall lower on the list of importance than the check the parents write monthly.
    I would start with your teacher. Also doesn't anyone see this happening? An aide, teacher, our parent volunteer on the play ground? My ds won't go find an adult to help either. I try teaching him to ignore them, i think it is easier for us to say then them to do. You could tell the teacher he didn't want you involved, so maybe she could handle it discreetly?


    Quoting LoveMyLos:

    kids being kids is when kids are just teasing just bc theyre bored, or to be apart of other kids. 

    bullying is when it goes farther, and kids go out of their way to make fun of, and torment the victim. 

    id say it is bullying and i would go to the school for a meeting with the principal, both kids and parents.

  • PensFan99
    February 13, 2013 at 8:12 AM
    It is not good hearted ribbing if it happens everyday. If it affects the child emotionally, such as keeping him from wanting to go to school, it is bullying.

    Quoting FooLynRoo:

    Teach him the art of teasing others, and to have a sense of humor about himself. Getting upset and stalking away is no way to handle good humored ribbing
  • LoveMyLos
    February 13, 2013 at 8:17 AM

    if teachers and principal isn't doing anything to stop the bullying go to the superintendant. if that doesn't work, go to the school board. if that doesn't get you anywhere, go to the media outlets. there absolutely no excuse for bullying. 

    Quoting PensFan99:

    This.
    I am going through the same stuff, when the kid is"sick" everyday, it is not kids being kids. In my situation i have been to the teacher and principal, and the zero tolerance bullying policy seems to fall lower on the list of importance than the check the parents write monthly.
    I would start with your teacher. Also doesn't anyone see this happening? An aide, teacher, our parent volunteer on the play ground? My ds won't go find an adult to help either. I try teaching him to ignore them, i think it is easier for us to say then them to do. You could tell the teacher he didn't want you involved, so maybe she could handle it discreetly?


    Quoting LoveMyLos:

    kids being kids is when kids are just teasing just bc theyre bored, or to be apart of other kids. 

    bullying is when it goes farther, and kids go out of their way to make fun of, and torment the victim. 

    id say it is bullying and i would go to the school for a meeting with the principal, both kids and parents.


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