The CafeMom Newcomers Club
An old friend of mine that I've known for years (since 2004 when her oldest twins were born) has had a lot of issues with cps ranging from abuse, to neglect, and child endagerment. Everytime everything was unfounded.
Recently her eldest of the twins went to his teacher and confessed to her the "abuse" he was getting from his mother and his 2 brothers were dealing with. They were able to verify this was true due to a couple bruises but it was undetermined where the bruises actually came from since he knees were skinned up. So cps was at her door once again following up and doing their investigation. My friend got fed up with it and told them they could only contact her via email and than later took it back and said they could only talk to her lawyer. Somehow or another she threatened to put her children in military school and it was obviously an empty threat - she can barely afford to buy their medications let alone put them in anything other than public schools.
So from what I've been told, they decided to proceed with child abuse charges and she went into court and was told of her plea bargin deal which is pleading guilty to 1 account of child abuse and the other 2 would be dropped. She would have supervised visitation, a fine, and now a criminal record which she's never had.
Well my friend said she wanted to take it to trial as she did not feel this was a fair deal and started asking me to be a character witness. Now before I can say yes or no to this, I understand I could get a subpeana either way but I'm on the fence about it because I refuse to lie on the stand so it wouldn't really help her and once I say no, it's almost a guarantee the prosecution will ask and if i still say no, that's where the subpeana could come into play.
I'm soo on the fence about this as she is a friend but her children do not deserve the hell she's put them thru. So I'm just asking what would you do? Stand up for the defense or the prosecution and know either way, it won't help my friend?
Replies
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Do what you think in your heart is the right thing for those kids. Something you haven't been doing all along. -
Stand up for the kids -
Tell her you have no intention of lying on the stand. -
What a hard situation. What you need to do is tell the truth. If the children are being abused or in danger of being abused you need to speak up. I understand that she is your friend. But the children are the priority not the friendship. Please tell the truth and help the children.
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Something I haven't been doing all along? I've called cps on her before, I've taken her kids in for extended amounts of time. I believe I've been doing it all along. My question is more about which stand do I take knowing either way, it's not going to be good for her
Quoting singlemom1208:
Do what you think in your heart is the right thing for those kids. Something you haven't been doing all along. -
If you know the kids are being abused and or neglected. You have to do what is right for the kids well being. But if you feel they are not being abused. Then I would stand up for your friend.
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You didn't list your involvement. Made it sound like you just hung back and did nothing. Again, go with your heart on which side you're gonna take
Quoting Mrskingman:
Something I haven't been doing all along? I've called cps on her before, I've taken her kids in for extended amounts of time. I believe I've been doing it all along. My question is more about which stand do I take knowing either way, it's not going to be good for her
Quoting singlemom1208:
Do what you think in your heart is the right thing for those kids. Something you haven't been doing all along.
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Is it actual abuse or just different parenting styles? If she's been reported several times and nothing was found to prove those allegations what is now the problem?
The simple answer to your question is speak the truth..whoever it helps or hurts. I also try to keep in mind that foster care has the potential of being an entire new area of ABUSE and NEGLECT.
I know that many foster homes are loving and caring but many are also horrible places to put our children in temporarialy. It's a fine line to walk.
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If I knew someone wereabusing their kids 1) they would not be my friend. 2) I would have turned themin myself. And 3) they wouldn't have to ask. I'd happily testify against the abuser. Kids do not deserve to be abused. Stop thinking of your friendship. Start thinking about how you would react if she were doing to your kids what she was doing to her own.
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I would tell the truth. Let the judge decide what to do with the facts.