The CafeMom Newcomers Club
I found out yesterday that I am 3cm dilated and effaced and have lower back pain, etc..I am 37 weeks pregnant. Dh and I are worried about labor coming and what we will do with our children if I have to go to the hospital. You just never know when labor will hit and then I will have to find care for them while I am in the hospital because my dh is working.
His parents are more than willing to fly here and help me with the kids my last weeks and also will be here to care for them while I am in the hospital. We have asked my mom if she can come early and she cannot. His parents are the only people that can help us. So I told my mom we will have to call his parents to come into town early. This means that when she comes (which is later) they will be here in our house. My mom wanted to be the only one in the house and didn't want to have to be in the house with his parents also. I told my mom I;m sorry but we didn't expect I would be progressing like this and we need them here because they are the only ones that can come early and help us. My mom says we should have just found a babysitter and not had have them fly out here. I was irritated because my mom's only reason for this is so SHE doesn't have to see his parents while she is here, when she does come. I wanted to tell my mom that it isn't all about HER..it's about me! I am the one going into labor, these are our children and I cannot just find a babysitter to stay in our house for 3 days while I am in the hospital..it's not that easy.
So now my mom is being all weird and saying she doesn't know if she even wants to fly out here. The thing is, we paid for her plane ticket already and she basically wants us to eat the cost because she is too selfish and anti-social to come here when SHE planned because she doesn't FEEL LIKE being around his parents. Is she right in her actions?
Replies
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I wonder about her feelings, where they are coming from--
Do you have a doula? That is another option to help, too.
GL!
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No she isn't but if she's selfish, not amount of explaining will chane anything. She wants the attention. If it were me, I would tell her that the in-laws are coming to help and she can come after they leave or not come at all as you don't want her to feel put out. It's her choice and if she doesn't want to see her grandchild, you understand. I would hate to eat the cost of the ticket but in the long run it might be cheaper if you know what I mean.
Like a toddler, don't give her tantrum an audience. -
this day should be about you and not the feelings of her
you need the help and if his parents is more than willing to help you then she needs to quit being so selfish
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Quoting coolmommy2x:
No she isn't but if she's selfish, not amount of explaining will chane anything. She wants the attention. If it were me, I would tell her that the in-laws are coming to help and she can come after they leave or not come at all as you don't want her to feel put out. It's her choice and if she doesn't want to see her grandchild, you understand. I would hate to eat the cost of the ticket but in the long run it might be cheaper if you know what I mean.
Like a toddler, don't give her tantrum an audience.
I agree!
Your Inlaws sound so nice - I definitely wouldn't deprive them of being there when they are so willing and sound so happy to help. Seems like your mom should show some appreciation to them too since they are there for you and your family at this time when you really need someone. I'd much prefer family over a babysitter. If your moms has a problem with dh's parents maybe she could fly in a few weeks after the baby's born.
Best wishes! You don't need this stress now! It's one of the happiest times of your life!
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She has always been selfish...ahhh, the joys of having her as a mother.
Quoting silverdawn99:
this day should be about you and not the feelings of her
you need the help and if his parents is more than willing to help you then she needs to quit being so selfish
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They are very nice. My mom will just have to deal with it and like you said, learn to appreciate them! It may just be cheaper to eat the cost, if it means I will be emotionally better off.
Quoting Cafe Robin:
Quoting coolmommy2x:
No she isn't but if she's selfish, not amount of explaining will chane anything. She wants the attention. If it were me, I would tell her that the in-laws are coming to help and she can come after they leave or not come at all as you don't want her to feel put out. It's her choice and if she doesn't want to see her grandchild, you understand. I would hate to eat the cost of the ticket but in the long run it might be cheaper if you know what I mean.
Like a toddler, don't give her tantrum an audience.
I agree!
Your Inlaws sound so nice - I definitely wouldn't deprive them of being there when they are so willing and sound so happy to help. Seems like your mom should show some appreciation to them too since they are there for you and your family at this time when you really need someone. I'd much prefer family over a babysitter. If your moms has a problem with dh's parents maybe she could fly in a few weeks after the baby's born.
Best wishes! You don't need this stress now! It's one of the happiest times of your life!
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You SHOULD have told your mom that this isn't about her. She's sounding selfish to me. Tell her not to come then. If she's going to act that way, do you really want that negative energy around you, your family, and your new baby?
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You need someone to watch your kids, and at 3cm diallated it's not your job to try and coax your Moms deeper feelings out of her. Tell her you love her, and you are sorry she feels that way, and that you hope she still comes, but that that you do need the in laws there END OF DISCUSSION. My Mom can get a little pouty like that too, but I've gotten better at lovingly putting my foot down and I've found that past few years she is a little easier.
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No, your mom is being a douchebag. Sorry :( why doesn't she like your in laws? -
I'd tell her to suck it up.