Parents buying things for adult kids

[lillypie2]

I was just having a conversation this morning at work with a couple co workers and one of them was saying how there is a pair of boots she wants and she told her mom..I started laughing and was saying how there are times I'm like oh I really want this and my parents will buy it for me and be like oh it's your birthday present evening it is a few months early, or if they know there is something I really want but won't by it for myself because of the cost or something they will get it for me. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. I would do the same for my kids and if my parents ever needed anything I would be there to help any way I could,. Well another co worker that was sitting there told us that was sad and that we were mooching off our parents and that once your an adult you shouldn't get anything from your parents but should be there to give them whatever they need. He said he doesn't get birthday gifts nothing any time from his mom and was told at 13 when he needed new shoes that he better get a job then..to me that is sad. So it got me wondering how many of you have parents that will buy you things or do more of you have parents that say you are an adult I'm not buying anything for you.

[mrswillie]

I have adult kids. I use to joke with 24yo ds that once he had kids of his own, I would stop buying for him and start buying for my grandbabies. Yeah, that didn't happen. I obviously don't buy as much as I did for him at Christmas but I buy for his wife and the grandbabies. 

In general, when I am out, if I see something anyone of my kids, or dil would like and if it is at a really good price and I have the money I will buy it.

In turn, ds does the same for me and dh.

This isn't just about buying things either. If I am fixing something I know he really likes, such as lasagna, I will make extra for his family. He cooks but dil does not. I even bake his borthday cakes and send them home.

[FooLynRoo]

First off - your parents shouldn't need helping out. I certainly don't. I would HOPE that everyone is better off financially than their children.

Second off, a parent purchasing things for their adult children is not mooching it is not running through their retirement accounts because they are fuck ups.

Do try to understand the differences.

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I agree as an adult, you should be helping your parents out, not mooching off of them.  I have a sister-in-law who basically went thru my in-law's retirement.  The in-laws kept bailing her out from one mess to another.   We've been giving my mom money for years to help her out and come to find out she was giving that money to my lazy-ass, spend-thrift brother.  She was paying his mortgage and his bills with it. 

[coolmommy2x]

Birthdays and holidays are big in my family...we give gifts for all and my parents are the best gift givers.

[PinkButterfly66]

First off -- it is far more common than you realize.  

Second -- parents buying shit for their kids that they can't afford is wrong.  Adult children need to cut the damn apron strings.  Buy their own crap. 

I understand the difference.  I still stand by my comment.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

First off - your parents shouldn't need helping out. I certainly don't. I would HOPE that everyone is better off financially than their children.

Second off, a parent purchasing things for their adult children is not mooching it is not running through their retirement accounts because they are fuck ups.

Do try to understand the differences.

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I agree as an adult, you should be helping your parents out, not mooching off of them.  I have a sister-in-law who basically went thru my in-law's retirement.  The in-laws kept bailing her out from one mess to another.   We've been giving my mom money for years to help her out and come to find out she was giving that money to my lazy-ass, spend-thrift brother.  She was paying his mortgage and his bills with it. 

[KeepOnWalking]

My mom lives in NC, I just recieved a box full of goodies from her!

[AmyL3469]

I think you shouldn't mooch so much. Not you, but in general... I never relied on my mom for anything past turning 18. I helped with the bills as soon as I graduated high school and moved out at 19 with my now husband. I always help my mom and if we're stuck financially, she would help if she can but always gets paid back. I dunno. I would help my kids no doubt if I was able, but I wouldn't be getting gifts just because they want stuff. My kids aren't spoiled now and never will be. Not by me and my husband.

[brebugmom91]

I can not imagine just because my kids turn 18 I will stop buying them stuff. My Mom still buys me stuff occasionally.

[Idntreallycare]

There needs to be balance. An occasional gift is fine, it kind of sounds like the first coworker expects it. The second coworker is closer to how it was with my dad. He would get me one new outfit for school junior and senior year. As soon as I got a job it was like I was supposed to buy everything myself. That would have been fine but I probably worked like 4 hours a week most weeks

[LaughingTattoo]

My dad still picks me up things he things I might need....And MIL is always sending us stuff. We never ask for anything though

[justahousewife]

We still do gifts, parents, siblings. Sometimes i find it funny when I still get $20 in a birthday card.