The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Featured Posts
NDADanceMom
Vent from a teacher....
January 17, 2013 at 11:05 PM

Ugh the longer the year goes on the more I think this poor boy in my class has crappy parents. Its really eating at me and its become an internal obsession.  I cant seem to let it go.  The boy is in 1st grade.  He is also in before and after school care.  He is in the school building from 6am to 6pm 5 days a week and has a nanny all day on saturday.  Yes he is clean, wears nice clothes, is dropped of in a 2013 mercedes....

I still think he is being neglected.  I know its not a crime, but it should be.  

Update-  I talked to the school social worker last week.  The final straw for me was the boys sister was home sick so mom took 2 days off.  Still left the boy in after school care from 6:30 am till 6pm and mom was not sick.  I told her (the social worker) some of my concerns, that he cries easily (if I tell him to pick up the crayons he just dropped he will start sobbing), that he has poor manual dexterity and he is behind in language.  

She said it isnt neglect of course, and I knew that.  She did say we can find him a mentor so that some of his after school time can be spent one on one with a "foster grandparent" from the senior center next door.  They are also going to check to see if he needs speech or occupational therapy.  

Replies

  • stacefaceninja
    January 19, 2013 at 12:16 AM
    Honestly.....you sound a bit jealous. You can "think" he's being neglected all you want ..but please leave it at that and don't be one of those nosey assholes that cause stress to a child and their family unneccesarily. Please. Just don't.
  • NDADanceMom
    January 19, 2013 at 12:17 AM

    Then I would be thinking that mom and dad work to provide the bare minimum.   These parents could easily live off one income but would rather have the finer things in life, including paying $600 a month for child care on the elementary school child and $2000 a month on the baby.  Then you factor in 3 hours a day of driving (mom and dad do not carpool).  Do you think its really worth it to spend all that AND lose out on time with your child? I bet in the end the 2nd income is way less than minimum wage and does not make the difference in the sort of cars they drive. 

    Quoting Due9:

    Excellent point and I have to agree.

    Quoting Bax:

    What if he was dropped off in a 1993 mini van, wore hand-me-downs, and spent Sat with a babysitter while mom worked as a waitress? Would you think he was neglected or would you say "His Mom works sooo hard to provide for this child"? 



  • Schauseil
    January 19, 2013 at 12:18 AM
    you don't know much do you? Ever heard of salary? Unpaid traval time? Or maybe mom and dad just have busy dream jobs. I know that right now I am in school working my ass off so one day I can be a trama surgeon. If I happen to have more children later, there is no way in hell I would give up a life time of work because I couldn't see my kid this magical number of hours a week you are talking about. How do you feel about military parents that miss years of their childrens life? You are just rediculous.


    Quoting ditsyjo:

     


    anything more than40 hours  a week is overtime and can not be forced. It can be strongly recommended as in you will not make a promotion if you don't show the commit ment... but it can not be forced legally... there fore both parents working 6 days a week = a choice. and it is their choice to make but...


    Quoting Schauseil:

    you are assuming they pick their own work hours. Would you have them quit their job because they work on saturday?



    Quoting ditsyjo:


     



    may I point out with out coming over as rude that if they can afford to hire a nanny they are doing more than is " necessary" to provide for their family. they are maintaining a life style with may be important to some people but it is not necessary



    Quoting Schauseil:

    um, no. You have no idea what his parents or parent is doing to provide for him. While most ppl would love to give their children more attention, job restrictions don't always allow that.


     



     





     


  • NDADanceMom
    January 19, 2013 at 12:18 AM

    Do I?  Id be shocked if they made more than my husband with both of their incomes combined.  I teach part time to get out of the house, at the school my daughter attends.  What do you think im jealous of? 

    Quoting stacefaceninja:

    Honestly.....you sound a bit jealous. You can "think" he's being neglected all you want ..but please leave it at that and don't be one of those nosey assholes that cause stress to a child and their family unneccesarily. Please. Just don't.


  • Schauseil
    January 19, 2013 at 12:21 AM
    I'm calling bullshit. If this was the case you would have said so long before now.


    Quoting NDADanceMom:


    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    The obvious reason would be that they... work? Maybe even on Saturday?

    If that was the end of the story I could understand, but no.  They chose to live an hour and a half away from their work, so 3 hours of it is commute time.  (to a not bad area that would certainly be fine to live in).  Saturday is a fun adults only day for mom and dad.  They also work out together during the week and leave kids in care during that time. 


  • stacefaceninja
    January 19, 2013 at 12:23 AM
    I didn't say you were. I just said you sounded that way...mostly because you made it a point to let us know that the kids parents drive an expensive car.
    If you are so wonderfully wealthy...then I apologize. You are not jealous. Just presumptive and nosey.


    Quoting NDADanceMom:

    Do I?  Id be shocked if they made more than my husband with both of their incomes combined.  I teach part time to get out of the house, at the school my daughter attends.  What do you think im jealous of? 

    Quoting stacefaceninja:

    Honestly.....you sound a bit jealous. You can "think" he's being neglected all you want ..but please leave it at that and don't be one of those nosey assholes that cause stress to a child and their family unneccesarily. Please. Just don't.


  • ditsyjo
    by ditsyjo
    January 19, 2013 at 12:23 AM

     thank you for your opinion it was nice talking to you but if you are going to get uncivil I am bowing out now. have very nice evening. though I must say I am married to the military, so I know how very much my husband regrets the time he misses, and I think that at some point in their lives these parents will regret it too... but as I said before it is their decision to make as it would be yours when you get you dream job. have a wonderful evening.


    Quoting Schauseil:

    you don't know much do you? Ever heard of salary? Unpaid traval time? Or maybe mom and dad just have busy dream jobs. I know that right now I am in school working my ass off so one day I can be a trama surgeon. If I happen to have more children later, there is no way in hell I would give up a life time of work because I couldn't see my kid this magical number of hours a week you are talking about. How do you feel about military parents that miss years of their childrens life? You are just rediculous.


    Quoting ditsyjo:

     


    anything more than40 hours  a week is overtime and can not be forced. It can be strongly recommended as in you will not make a promotion if you don't show the commit ment... but it can not be forced legally... there fore both parents working 6 days a week = a choice. and it is their choice to make but...


    Quoting Schauseil:

    you are assuming they pick their own work hours. Would you have them quit their job because they work on saturday?



    Quoting ditsyjo:


     



    may I point out with out coming over as rude that if they can afford to hire a nanny they are doing more than is " necessary" to provide for their family. they are maintaining a life style with may be important to some people but it is not necessary



    Quoting Schauseil:

    um, no. You have no idea what his parents or parent is doing to provide for him. While most ppl would love to give their children more attention, job restrictions don't always allow that.


     



     



     


     



     

  • NDADanceMom
    January 19, 2013 at 12:27 AM

    You can call it whatever you want.  Its not like im going to give you the kids name, the school and where they live so I can prove anything.  It was just a quick vent before work and to me it doesnt matter why.  Id never allow my kids to be raised by others.  Id live in a shack and drive a POS living on one income but Id have kids that knew their parents.  I didnt add a lot of things.  Like he cries so easy.  I can tell him to pick up a marker and he melts down.  I left out that he is always trying to sit on my lap and hold my hand.  I dont allow the lap, but I will hold his hand.  I left out that he asks to go to my house after school when he hears me make plans with my daughter to make cookies or whatnot.  

    I left out there seems to be some speech issues, like he talks like his nose is plugged.  His grammar is also very poor, like he will say, "thems guys wont share".  I see issues because he doesnt have a chance to have long conversations with adults.  Its heart breaking.  

    Quoting Schauseil:

    I'm calling bullshit. If this was the case you would have said so long before now.


    Quoting NDADanceMom:


    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    The obvious reason would be that they... work? Maybe even on Saturday?

    If that was the end of the story I could understand, but no.  They chose to live an hour and a half away from their work, so 3 hours of it is commute time.  (to a not bad area that would certainly be fine to live in).  Saturday is a fun adults only day for mom and dad.  They also work out together during the week and leave kids in care during that time. 



  • waffa
    by waffa
    January 19, 2013 at 12:28 AM

    Emotional neglect is not a crime. I was raised by UCLA college students while my Mother gallivanted all over Europe and the Mediterranean.

    Trust me, been there, all it causes is 1 of 2 things extreme self-sufficiency or self-destruction.

    Quoting NDADanceMom:

    Ugh the longer the year goes on the more I think this poor boy in my class has crappy parents. Its really eating at me and its become an internal obsession.  I cant seem to let it go.  The boy is in 1st grade.  He is also in before and after school care.  He is in the school building from 6am to 6pm 5 days a week and has a nanny all day on saturday.  Yes he is clean, wears nice clothes, is dropped of in a 2013 mercedes....

    I still think he is being neglected.  I know its not a crime, but it should be.  



  • Schauseil
    January 19, 2013 at 12:30 AM
    uncivil? argumentative surely. Good at pointing out the obvious definitely. But with the lack of namecalling or general foul language, not uncivil.


    Quoting ditsyjo:

     thank you for your opinion it was nice talking to you but if you are going to get uncivil I am bowing out now. have very nice evening. though I must say I am married to the military, so I know how very much my husband regrets the time he misses, and I think that at some point in their lives these parents will regret it too... but as I said before it is their decision to make as it would be yours when you get you dream job. have a wonderful evening.




    Quoting Schauseil:

    you don't know much do you? Ever heard of salary? Unpaid traval time? Or maybe mom and dad just have busy dream jobs. I know that right now I am in school working my ass off so one day I can be a trama surgeon. If I happen to have more children later, there is no way in hell I would give up a life time of work because I couldn't see my kid this magical number of hours a week you are talking about. How do you feel about military parents that miss years of their childrens life? You are just rediculous.



    Quoting ditsyjo:


     



    anything more than40 hours  a week is overtime and can not be forced. It can be strongly recommended as in you will not make a promotion if you don't show the commit ment... but it can not be forced legally... there fore both parents working 6 days a week = a choice. and it is their choice to make but...



    Quoting Schauseil:

    you are assuming they pick their own work hours. Would you have them quit their job because they work on saturday?




    Quoting ditsyjo:



     




    may I point out with out coming over as rude that if they can afford to hire a nanny they are doing more than is " necessary" to provide for their family. they are maintaining a life style with may be important to some people but it is not necessary




    Quoting Schauseil:

    um, no. You have no idea what his parents or parent is doing to provide for him. While most ppl would love to give their children more attention, job restrictions don't always allow that.



     




     




     



     





     


The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts