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SarahCnDsMom
need opinions! planning a not so traditional wedding
January 3, 2013 at 8:50 AM
OK, here's my first of probably many snags in my plans.
We got engaged over Xmas (yay!)
For health insurance reasons (I have none) obvious tax and legal reasons and the possible adoption of my DS by my DF, we're in kind of a hurry to get the legal and state potion taken care of ASAP.
However ....
an actual wedding, dress, Glam, guests, the whole 9 yards are important and possible to us and our parents. So we're taking the traditional year and a day to plan, save etc,etc.

So how in the world do I sign my marriage license a year before my wedding with out it coming off as tacky, or gift grabby, or whatever bashable term is acceptable lol.
I'm thinking a blessing or maybe handfasting ceremony? His family is Jewish, mine is Catholic and pretty Irish. Help me out ladies!!!!! Interfaith "second wedding"? I'm clueless as to what the etiquette is for such a situation!

Replies

  • PerfectVirgo
    January 3, 2013 at 8:53 AM
    I probably would do a courthouse ceremony and just not tell anyone. As long as you don't celebrate the actual ceremony, I don't think you'll be labeled as gift grabby. They'll only know you've been planning a wedding for a year.
  • xLilBit22
    January 3, 2013 at 8:54 AM
    Small court wedding? To get the legal stuff done and a real wedding later when your able to.
  • sweetmissy_05
    January 3, 2013 at 8:56 AM

    We got married at the courthouse outside and it was beautiful......I was happy with how we got married.

  • 3boysmommaNY
    January 3, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    My brother in law and his wife got married 7 months before their actual wedding. (they did it for military reasons) 
    No one thought anything bad or different about them. :) 

  • SarahCnDsMom
    January 3, 2013 at 9:13 AM
    The court house we're doing this year. I think it will just be us and the 2 kids, maybe grandma? Idk. I feel like that part is just a legality. DF says just cause we sign the license doesnt mean we have to tell everyone, and i mostly agree... but to host a "wedding" when your already technically married? I feel like that would be somewhat deceitful ya know? The ladies over at The Knot forums we're pretty viscous to a poster with the same question, they scared me off! Lol
  • 3boysmommaNY
    January 3, 2013 at 9:30 AM

    I don't see anything wrong with it! There are always going to be those who want to judge you because you are not doing it the way they think it has to be done. If you want to get the legal part done and out of the way, and have the big party later on, then do it! There is a lot of stress that comes with planning a wedding, and if you get the legal part out of the way, then that is one thing you can check off and not have to worry about! 

  • kjb0312
    by kjb0312
    January 3, 2013 at 9:32 AM

    I think it's perfectly fine to have a wedding now and then celebrate later on. Have you thought about having a small wedding now (either at a courthouse or even having a friend get officaited and doing it for you) and then having a reception later? My brother and sister-in-law did this due to military obligations. They had a small backyard wedding with just family in May and a big reception for everyone else in September. It was super fun and no one was offended. You could even do a small ceremony at the reception. My husband and I got married this summer in a park by a friend of ours. We had the interfaith thing too (his family is Jewish and mine is Lutheran) so we opted for an outdoor wedding with a friend officiating with elements of both faiths included and a family blessing to include our son. I wrote the whole ceremony myself and we wrote our vows. It turned out lovely and we got many compliments. I also planned our wedding in just 6 months and for under $5,000. Just remember that weddings aren't the important part of all of this, the wedding is just the beginning, it's really about the commitment of marriage. Hope you find some of this helpful. Good luck planning and congratulations!!!

  • WendyJR
    by WendyJR
    January 3, 2013 at 9:45 AM

    Do the legal stuff and maybe have a renewing of your vows in a year but make it the big party etc. GL

  • MamaRae85
    January 3, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    My little sister and her husband did this, too! lol And he's in the Navy!

    They got married in my uncle's living room (by my uncle, who is a minister) wearing jeans and a tshirt, then had the whole nine yards months later. Some people didn't even know they were married.

    On another note, her wedding was really cool because she wore black, her husband wore white, they both wore fedoras! lol And her matrons of honor (my other sis and I) both wore white dresses with black accents! The other bridesmaids wore all white. It was a cool, elegant, topsy turvy wedding! =)

    Quoting 3boysmommaNY:

    My brother in law and his wife got married 7 months before their actual wedding. (they did it for military reasons) 
    No one thought anything bad or different about them. :) 


  • RLSMOM59
    January 3, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    I agree with everyone else. Do the courthouse, invite the parents and then have a celebration later. If you are living together now what type of gifts would you need anyway?

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