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Two_Hearts
omg...did i do it ? Did i finally accomplish taking away the bedtime routine?!?!?!? YAY!!!
January 2, 2013 at 10:09 PM

We had a horrible night last week with my daughter (she is A.D.D./O.D.D. and separation anxiety), and i have started taking the normal bedtime routine away as punishment , because that is the ONE thing that i know she didn't NEED ( she has fallen asleep without the bedtime routine on many occasions) , and it was becoming more of a WANT ..and she would use that to her advantage...

So i had enough , and the next day i sat her down and told her that she has had the normal bedtime routine for long enough (for at least 8 yrs..she is 10 yrs old) and that it was time that she became more independant and started going to bed like every other kid her age is.

The normal bedtime routine was ...we would sit down and read a story together, i would sing 3 silly sallys and butterfly kisses and then she would get 2 minutes with me...it started becoming a fight , she always wanted more ..and if told no , than it would be a fight with her for hours to get her to go to sleep.

So i changed it ..actually i changed a lot of things and have become more of a tough love mom, but for this post ..ill stick to the bedtime routine topic.

I changed it , i told her that she may read to me while i was doing dishes or at any other time during the day ..but it will no longer be at bedtime , and that she was to now accept that it was bedtime , with a kiss and a tuck in ..and that she may read TO HERSELF until she falls asleep...

I have been sticking to my guns ..she has asked ONCE if we could read a book together when it was bedtime , and i just explained to her again what the new routine was and that we needed to stick to it and the reasons why ...

But i am so proud of her and of myself for sticking to the new arrangment...and i will admit , it is so nice not to have to stop what i am doing ..to sit with her for twenty minutes ...at the age of 10 , it was getting a bit ridiculous to have to do that lol.

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    January 2, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    That sounds like a firm parent nudging their child to more independant soothing rituals.  I loved to read by myself at that age.

  • cLanief
    by cLanief
    January 2, 2013 at 10:18 PM
    Awesome sauce!
  • Two_Hearts
    January 2, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    thank you :) , i have been trying to be more firm ...seems to be working lol. 

    I will admit though , im not doing it all on my own. 

    My other half (whom is also ADD) has been helping me out greatly and giving me tips that his mother used with him and his brother's while growing up , he has become my back up backbone lol.

    Quoting frndlyfn:

    That sounds like a firm parent nudging their child to more independant soothing rituals.  I loved to read by myself at that age.


  • ashleigh24
    January 2, 2013 at 10:28 PM
    Good for you!! I know that tough love is so hard sometimes. Now maybe you can relax more and bedtime won't be so stressful. You should be very proud of her and you :-)
  • frndlyfn
    January 2, 2013 at 10:34 PM

    The other half supporting is a big deal.   It helps show the child an united front .  I am sure it is a big bonus that he has grown up with it so he may know more about what works with that particular mind set.

    Quoting Two_Hearts:

    thank you :) , i have been trying to be more firm ...seems to be working lol. 

    I will admit though , im not doing it all on my own. 

    My other half (whom is also ADD) has been helping me out greatly and giving me tips that his mother used with him and his brother's while growing up , he has become my back up backbone lol.

    Quoting frndlyfn:

    That sounds like a firm parent nudging their child to more independant soothing rituals.  I loved to read by myself at that age.



  • Two_Hearts
    January 2, 2013 at 10:42 PM

    yes i am finding that it is such a great help and it is so much different than what i am used too. 

    I have also been finding myself getting a bit defensive when it comes to her , because im so used to having to deal with it on my own ..but once i calm down enough and think about what he is telling me , i realize that he is right and that he isn't trying to over step boundries but trying to help me. 

    I honestly fought with him for weeks about changing the routine , until i had to see for myself that she was starting to use it as a way to manipulate me with it ...

    I am very much liking the bedtime's now though lol

    Quoting frndlyfn:

    The other half supporting is a big deal.   It helps show the child an united front .  I am sure it is a big bonus that he has grown up with it so he may know more about what works with that particular mind set.

    Quoting Two_Hearts:

    thank you :) , i have been trying to be more firm ...seems to be working lol. 

    I will admit though , im not doing it all on my own. 

    My other half (whom is also ADD) has been helping me out greatly and giving me tips that his mother used with him and his brother's while growing up , he has become my back up backbone lol.

    Quoting frndlyfn:

    That sounds like a firm parent nudging their child to more independant soothing rituals.  I loved to read by myself at that age.




  • needadvice1983
    January 3, 2013 at 9:44 AM
    If she was throwing fits I totally understand. But it's kinda sad. I loved spending twenty minutes with my mom right before bed. All the way up until I was about 16. We didn't read stories when I was past the age of probably 7, but we would talk and giggle and be silly together. It was an unwinding bonding period. It was particularly nice when I was older and had after school activities and a job and didn't get to see her as much. Hopefully as your dd gets older and she can spend time before bed without it being a problem, you guys can have some of your old routine back (maybe just more age appropriate). And please don't take this as bashing at all. You were having an issue with bad behavior and you found a viable solution, that's great! It just reminded me of how much I loved bedtime with my mom.
  • Two_Hearts
    January 3, 2013 at 10:23 AM

    i didn't take it as bashing :) , don't get me wrong ...i enjoyed the bedtime routine ..and honestly it was only a ten minute thing ..that turned into 20 minutes , because there was 10 minutes of arguing on a good day..

    We have been spending that missed time together in other way's that seem to be better for the both of us , i am so proud of her for keeping this up.

    Quoting needadvice1983:

    If she was throwing fits I totally understand. But it's kinda sad. I loved spending twenty minutes with my mom right before bed. All the way up until I was about 16. We didn't read stories when I was past the age of probably 7, but we would talk and giggle and be silly together. It was an unwinding bonding period. It was particularly nice when I was older and had after school activities and a job and didn't get to see her as much. Hopefully as your dd gets older and she can spend time before bed without it being a problem, you guys can have some of your old routine back (maybe just more age appropriate). And please don't take this as bashing at all. You were having an issue with bad behavior and you found a viable solution, that's great! It just reminded me of how much I loved bedtime with my mom.


  • MusherMaggie
    January 3, 2013 at 10:37 PM
    Sometimes they need a push to reach the next level of maturity--good for you!
  • ninipanini
    January 6, 2013 at 7:47 AM

     good mama!  you're doing the right thing sticking to your guns, she will be more pleasant for your firmness, regardless of what it is tied to

    i did that with ds when he became a demon monster around 4 yrs old, i would offer to tell a silly/funny story the next night if he went to bed without a fight, it took 2 nights for that to clarify and by that summer, we totally phased out the offering and he was just in the routine of going to bed

    stay strong mama!

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