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Lidi2
Christian Mom searching for a book about parenting rude disrespectful adult kids
by Lidi2
January 1, 2013 at 10:12 PM

Since my daughter (21 yrs old) has moved out, she is rude and very disrespectful; she only speaks to me  when she needs something from me. She is quiet by nature, and has been emotionally hurt by her father, grandfrathers, and  seems to be hurt from her brother joining the military. Her father & I divorced (he was physically abusing me), when she was about 11 yrs old. As a baby and a young child, she was very happy, and I was the "soccer coach, volleyball coach, 4-H Leader" for her. But after I got remarried (which lasted <5 yrs), she pulled away, and I haven't been able to get close to her since.  Now that she is on her own, she seems bitter and mad at me and the world.

Does anyone know of a good Christian book I can read for this?

THANKS!!    :)    Lidi2

Replies

  • adrianasmommy07
    January 1, 2013 at 10:22 PM
    I would recommend that you stop trying to parent her. She is no longer a child. Instead focus on getting to know her as an adult and forming a new relasionship with her as equals.
  • lilangilyn
    January 1, 2013 at 10:44 PM


    Quoting adrianasmommy07:

    I would recommend that you stop trying to parent her. She is no longer a child. Instead focus on getting to know her as an adult and forming a new relasionship with her as equals.

    This is what I think. And maybe the Christian method is not necessarily the best method. Be respectful of her choices while remaining a loving mentor.

  • alexsmomaubrys2
    January 1, 2013 at 10:44 PM

    Why are you trying to parent a 21 year old?

  • coolmommy2x
    January 1, 2013 at 10:46 PM
    I agree with both moms. Have you tried talking to her? Just from your post it sounds like she lashes out at you becauuse she can...she knows you'll always be there wwwhereas others have left her in the past.

    Quoting lilangilyn:



    Quoting adrianasmommy07:

    I would recommend that you stop trying to parent her. She is no longer a child. Instead focus on getting to know her as an adult and forming a new relasionship with her as equals.

    This is what I think. And maybe the Christian method is not necessarily the best method. Be respectful of her choices while remaining a loving mentor.

  • Jukebox_Jenny
    January 1, 2013 at 10:47 PM
    Have you tried just talking to her? Maybe she just needs an ear to listen to what she's thinking and feeling. Instead of a parenting book maybe she would be the best person to consult. She's a grown woman so 'parenting' probably isn't what she needs as much as a supporter and friend of sorts.
  • Due9
    by Due9
    January 1, 2013 at 11:04 PM

    If I were in your situation, I would give her space and let her be. She is still young and maturing and may just be rebelling. You cannot change how someone behaves, but you can change how you react to it and think about it. Before you back off some, let her know in a non-confrontational way that you feel she is very disrespectful and you will no longer put up with it.

  • friendlymom48
    January 1, 2013 at 11:07 PM
    Read the boundaries books by cloud and Townsend. Sounds like you are dealing with boundary and possibly co-dependency issues. Their books are so good and helpful.
  • piwife
    by piwife
    January 1, 2013 at 11:07 PM
    Am 25 now I got married at 18. My mom still tried to parent me and that just got old and annoying. If she only calls you when she needs you stop enabling her. Let her know that is not k
  • TableforSeven
    January 1, 2013 at 11:26 PM

    She is an adult.  You have completed your job as a parent....for better or worse.  Time to stop parenting her and treat her with the respect she deserves as an adult.  If you can't respect her and the choices she makes as an adult - then maybe you need to take a break from each other.

  • LavenderMom23
    January 1, 2013 at 11:27 PM

    Dr. Ray Guarendi, a child psychologist and Catholic Christian, gives great adivce for any Christian parent, and just happens to be an author. Frankly you might do better to contact him then to read his books since you are in a tough situation since she does not live under your roof. I understand trying to be there for your child even after she is grown. He understands this dynamic very well from hearing what he recommends to callers on his radio show too.

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