Since my daughter (21 yrs old) has moved out, she is rude and very disrespectful; she only speaks to me when she needs something from me. She is quiet by nature, and has been emotionally hurt by her father, grandfrathers, and seems to be hurt from her brother joining the military. Her father & I divorced (he was physically abusing me), when she was about 11 yrs old. As a baby and a young child, she was very happy, and I was the "soccer coach, volleyball coach, 4-H Leader" for her. But after I got remarried (which lasted <5 yrs), she pulled away, and I haven't been able to get close to her since. Now that she is on her own, she seems bitter and mad at me and the world.
Does anyone know of a good Christian book I can read for this?
I agree with both moms. Have you tried talking to her? Just from your post it sounds like she lashes out at you becauuse she can...she knows you'll always be there wwwhereas others have left her in the past.
I would recommend that you stop trying to parent her. She is no longer a child. Instead focus on getting to know her as an adult and forming a new relasionship with her as equals.
This is what I think. And maybe the Christian method is not necessarily the best method. Be respectful of her choices while remaining a loving mentor.
Have you tried just talking to her? Maybe she just needs an ear to listen to what she's thinking and feeling. Instead of a parenting book maybe she would be the best person to consult. She's a grown woman so 'parenting' probably isn't what she needs as much as a supporter and friend of sorts.
If I were in your situation, I would give her space and let her be. She is still young and maturing and may just be rebelling. You cannot change how someone behaves, but you can change how you react to it and think about it. Before you back off some, let her know in a non-confrontational way that you feel she is very disrespectful and you will no longer put up with it.
She is an adult. You have completed your job as a parent....for better or worse. Time to stop parenting her and treat her with the respect she deserves as an adult. If you can't respect her and the choices she makes as an adult - then maybe you need to take a break from each other.
Dr. Ray Guarendi, a child psychologist and Catholic Christian, gives great adivce for any Christian parent, and just happens to be an author. Frankly you might do better to contact him then to read his books since you are in a tough situation since she does not live under your roof. I understand trying to be there for your child even after she is grown. He understands this dynamic very well from hearing what he recommends to callers on his radio show too.