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Mother moved in w/! :(
December 30, 2012 at 4:27 PM
OK ladies, I *really* need some help here! Responses appreciated! This is a little lengthy, sorry :-/

So I'm 23, married, have a 2 yr old dd, and am 13 wks pregnant. I'm a SAHM and we moved over 1,000 miles away from our home state because my husbands job allowed us to live anywhere and we chose to leave!

My 46 year old Mother basically invited herself to move cross country and come live with us. I didn't really think she'd come because she never does what she says, but then she shows up here...with a u haul. Since the day she got here it has been nothing but misery for me. Snide remarks, complaining, talking badly over and over and over. I'm a push-over, I'll admit it, so I usually grit my teeth and keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll get mad and say something hurtful and/or storm off to her "room". She's here with no job and no leads on jobs, she only knows us here. I have NO idea why she came up here, have NO idea how long she's planning on living with us, and NO idea what her plan is. It's not like I can just kick her out...she has no money to her name and home is 1,000 miles away. So what can I do? I am losing my freak in mind! She's making me and my Husband agitated and unhappy. What would you do??? Here are some examples of the crap that happens:

She gets here and there's dirty dishes in the sink and the house isn't vacuumed (I was up ALL night for black Friday) so yes, the house was a little dirty, nothing abnormal for anyone. She breaks into tears screaming how "filthy" it is and says "I bet CPS would have something to say about it." Umm, no they would probably laugh in your face.

My Husband works A LOT and our dd called me "mommy" and my DH says "you should say daddy more" and my mom butts in with "why would she ever say daddy when you spend no time with her?" And then she makes comments to him such as "I'd think you'd want to spend time with your family!" Hello lady?!?!? This is the man that's basically taking care of you now.

She calls me stupid when I gave my dd whipped cream on Christmas and then threatened to throw my cheesecake in the trash. Same night I get yelled at by her that I'm a bad mother, I'm cold, and basically an idiot for not parenting exactly as she says...which by the way wasn't that great.

She has re arranged my entire kitchen because it "wasn't good enough"! I had to spend 10 min trying to find my coffee can! Also re arranged my dd's room.

Ever since she gotten here my dd screams sometimes in her room after I put her down for bed. My mom rushes in there within seconds. I have asked and even yelled at her not to do this. I then get told I'm a bad mother and she goes in anyway. I told her she only started doing this once she moved in, but she doesn't believe me. She does not respect anything about our parenting. My dd now whines, screams all the time where as just 2 months ago she rarely did this.

She has tried snatching dd out of my arms when she was upset.

When I try to comfort dd when she gets hurt I get told to hug her even though I'm already doing it. It is then "not a good enough hug" and she tells dd to come to her.

She stands behind me and supervises me constantly. She stands there when I get dd dressed, when I cook...anything. Sometimes she'll butt in *while* I'm dressing her, take the clothes and start doing it herself.

She tells dd almost every other day that "mommy and daddy don't love you."

She makes comments to dd so that I can hear them like "You shouldn't walk around without socks. The carpets filthy (Its BROWN carpet and I just freak in shampooed it.) There's probably cat shit on it!!" What the...WE DONT EVEN OWN A CAT!!!!!!!

She is always walking into DH and It's room, even when the door is shut.

She re cleans things I've already cleaned then complains that she has to clean everything.

Our lease is up in august 2013 and she has said things to me like "well maybe we can find a better house when your lease is up." WE?!?! Noooo.

I have no siblings and before she moved in with us she lived with my 70 year old grandma in her one bedroom off and on for the last like 8 years! So it's not like I can "pawn her off" on someone else. She's making us crazy. I'm afraid one day my Husband will just snap at her and afraid I'll do the same. There's no talking to this woman...she gets so offensive and pouts and makes everyone miserable. When she's not bitching or trying to take over as mom she slumps on the couch all day watching TV...I know she's not even looking for a job. I'm stressed and panicked. Ladies I need help! Please! Advice? Opinions? Similar situations/outcomes? Anything! Thank you!


  • emeraldangel2.0
    December 30, 2012 at 4:32 PM

    time to kick her out and make her fedn for herself

  • NDADanceMom
    December 30, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    Its simple.  "mom you are very disruptive to this house.  How long will it take you to find somewhere else to live?  Can I help you in any way?"  Dont allow more than 60 days and if she doesnt find a place start contacting shelters and look for a bed for her.  Dont fight about it, just keep it factual.  You dont want her there.  Whats the worst that will happen?  she stops using you and maybe stops speaking to you?  Its her or your husband and kids.  Pick one! 

  • ambermario4ever
    December 30, 2012 at 4:37 PM

    I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would just kick her out. I would not even let my mom in our door in the first place. 

  • kjbennett26
    December 30, 2012 at 4:41 PM
    You need to tell her to leave before you dont have an awesome supportive DH anymore. Youre a grown woman with a house, husband and child.... Quit being a pushover and put YOUR family 1st.
  • iwanabemomie
    December 30, 2012 at 4:43 PM
    Don't let her continue to treat you that way in your own house.start putting your foot down and if she don't like it tell her she can leave
  • terpmama
    December 30, 2012 at 4:47 PM

    Mom, this arrangement is not working for our family... You have two weeks to get out. Here is the new york (other side of the country) paper for jobs and apartments... 

    Dh, this arraingment is not working out... She has two weeks to get out... I've given her the New York paper for jobs and apartments. I love you! 

  • MamaPeanut
    December 30, 2012 at 4:49 PM
    Exactly this.

    Lay down specific ground Rules and make her stick to them.

    She is acting that way because you allow it So it's your own fault.

    Quoting NDADanceMom:

    Its simple.  "mom you are very disruptive to this house.  How long will it take you to find somewhere else to live?  Can I help you in any way?"  Dont allow more than 60 days and if she doesnt find a place start contacting shelters and look for a bed for her.  Dont fight about it, just keep it factual.  You dont want her there.  Whats the worst that will happen?  she stops using you and maybe stops speaking to you?  Its her or your husband and kids.  Pick one! 

  • jmaw89
    by jmaw89
    December 30, 2012 at 4:50 PM
    I know it's hard cuz she's your mom, but she's got to go! She's abusing you and your family the way she talks to you all. Could you imagine what it would be like of your dd starts to believe her? Mom or not put her stuff outside and tell her to be gone!
  • 1likeme
    by 1likeme
    December 30, 2012 at 4:51 PM
    I would have sent her packing without even entertaining the idea of her spending the night let alone moving in. You are an adult and this woman will only be able to push you as far as you let her. Evict her from your house and sleep soundly at night knowing she is someone else's problem.
    December 30, 2012 at 4:51 PM

     Tell her that is your house she can either live by your and your hubbys ways or find some wheres else to live. Set rules and expectations. Tell her she has by X date to pay for her portion of living or she needs to go find another place to mooch off of. Tell that your way or raising YOUR kids is how they will be raised. If she wants to change up things then she can get her own place and do just that. Remind her she is just a uninvited guest in your and your husbands home. She can just stop with all threats. Tell her lets see what CPS says and take pics and go down there and show them so she will shut her mouth. Good luck but stand your ground.

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