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JustMe0326
I can't take this little girl anymore!!!
December 7, 2012 at 8:36 AM

 She's my 9yo sd. And I don't even know where to begin on how to describe her.

She is ADHD. Medicated, yes. When WE give it to her. Her mother seems to "forget" to give it to her all the time. THAT part, I can deal with. I can't deal with the compulsive lying, the stealing, the attitude, the arguing, the acting like she's stupid when you tell her to do something, the lying, the hitting, the temper tantrums she throws when she doesn't get her way, and oh yeah, did I mention the lying?? I can't STAND lying! And it's over the STUPIDEST things!

She has been in trouble every single night this week and I just don't know what to do with her anymore. She makes everyone in our home miserable. We are well aware that she needs attention. She does ALL of what she does for attention. So we give her LOTS of extra attention. But the second all eyes aren't on her, she's trying to make your life miserable. And she does a damn good job at it.

She is in counseling. And she loves it. Because she gets that man's 110% one-on-one attention for that entire hour. She loves it so much that her mother decided it would be a good idea to use it as a punishment. Yeah. She told her that if she didn't start acting right, then she wasn't going anymore. WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?????? UGH!!!

It's gotten so bad that her mother is calling, literally crying to dh on a daily basis saying she doesn't know what to do anymore. Her own MOTHER calls her a devil child. We've all tried everything. Rewarding, punishing (never hitting...she gets things taken away, gets grounded, etc. but she just doesn't care), writing sentences, going to bed early, we've tried just talking to her...I swear we've tried it all. Nothing works. She seriously doesn't care about anything. This week she's already gotten a Christmas gift taken away because she went snooping through our bedroom, which both kids KNOW to stay out of our room because we have guns in there. She found the one gift, then made up this whole huge story when she was caught red-handed by dh, lied til she was blue in the face. So now she's not getting that gift. She's gotten all electronics taken away, and last night she went to bed at 6:30 because of the crap she pulled. (All of these punishments aren't over the snooping thing. They were for all different reasons, I just don't want to write a book on all the crap she's done just this week.)

I'm just at my wits end with her. I have to vent on here before I end up screaming at her or worse...We do a very good job at not losing it to her / in front of her...I want to keep it that way. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Replies

  • mcwife86
    December 7, 2012 at 8:46 AM

    either try to talk to the mother abt her living with yall for a while so you can monitor the consistency of her punishments ( if she isn't consistent with her meds i doubt she is with her discipline) OR boot camp. she'll get plenty of attention. id go with the Devil Pups program http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I1bMjXV0hI

  • veganistic
    December 7, 2012 at 8:53 AM

    Counseling for you and the parents, to learn some new methods for managing her behavior.

  • mandiNthomas
    December 7, 2012 at 8:56 AM
    The child needs consistansy obviously the bm has dropped the ball. I would suggest a permanent home with u and more counseling and maybe a trip to the psychiatrist maybe she doesnt just have adhd sounds like odd but im not a dr. But good luck hope it all works out. Be strong! And u need to tell bm to cool it with the name calling to dd.
  • StoneColdKiller
    December 7, 2012 at 8:57 AM
    Wow you guys are really dropping the ball here.



    The meds aren't working, why does it take a stranger to tell you that?
  • siren77
    by siren77
    December 7, 2012 at 8:58 AM

    #1 - Take a DEEP breath.  

    #2 - It is good that you and you dh try not to lose it in front of her.  Kids feed off of your energy, non-the-less, and I am sure she "feels" everthing you just vented, whether you intend her to or not :(

    There are a few books that are very good on ADHD, one is called Understanding Girls with AD/HD by Kathleen Nadeau.  I have a few friends who swear by it and it has really helped.  One has a daughter who is 10 :)  I think that will give you a starting point.  I agree with the last person who posted, I also think flip-flopping houses and "parents" is making things even worse.  I don't know how that could be solved unless the mother is so done she is willing to let your sd live with you guys for a while.  But, it is touchy because you never want the child to feel unwanted by anyone.

     I would start with reading the book cover to cover.  It is an "easy" read and very informative and will help you get a new perspective on ADHD :)  Sometimes, all we need to do is change our perspective!

  • StoneColdKiller
    December 7, 2012 at 8:59 AM
    ADHD can cause all of those but she could have ADHD with odd. Like my son. He doesn't lie but that's cause he is autistic and he is way to literal to understand how to lie.

    Quoting mandiNthomas:

    The child needs consistansy obviously the bm has dropped the ball. I would suggest a permanent home with u and more counseling and maybe a trip to the psychiatrist maybe she doesnt just have adhd sounds like odd but im not a dr. But good luck hope it all works out. Be strong! And u need to tell bm to cool it with the name calling to dd.
  • Jessy613
    December 7, 2012 at 9:00 AM

    I'm sorry =( I dont really have any advice but heres a bump for you. I sure hope things get better for you and your family soon.

  • dawnjohnson5
    December 7, 2012 at 9:02 AM
    This.

    My son is adhd with odd and it sounds just like him.


    Quoting StoneColdKiller:

    ADHD can cause all of those but she could have ADHD with odd. Like my son. He doesn't lie but that's cause he is autistic and he is way to literal to understand how to lie.



    Quoting mandiNthomas:

    The child needs consistansy obviously the bm has dropped the ball. I would suggest a permanent home with u and more counseling and maybe a trip to the psychiatrist maybe she doesnt just have adhd sounds like odd but im not a dr. But good luck hope it all works out. Be strong! And u need to tell bm to cool it with the name calling to dd.
  • JustMe0326
    December 7, 2012 at 9:02 AM

     Her coming to live with us permanently is being talked about. It hasn't been finalized yet because sd says she likes going back and forth. (Our schedule is we switch every Sunday. We have her for one week, then she's at her mom's for one week. With one visitation night during the week from after school til 8pm. And she comes to our house every day after school til her mom gets off work around 4:30.)

    When I say counseling, it is a psychiatrist. That's who's giving her the ADHD meds. Him and her family dr. Bad thing is, she does KNOW how to behave. She's so minipulative, that the doctors don't see anything wrong with her (besides the ADHD which even her family doctor doesn't agree with.)

    Bm doesn't call her names to her face. That's just what she says to us when she's crying about her behavior. She does tell her, however, that all she has to do is say the word and she can come live with us permanently. I don't like her telling her that because it's basically telling her that she doesn't want her. I do feel bad for the child because of this, but I understand where her mother is coming from! It's awful! But I still could never tell my child that I don't want them.... :(

    Quoting mandiNthomas:

    The child needs consistansy obviously the bm has dropped the ball. I would suggest a permanent home with u and more counseling and maybe a trip to the psychiatrist maybe she doesnt just have adhd sounds like odd but im not a dr. But good luck hope it all works out. Be strong! And u need to tell bm to cool it with the name calling to dd.

     

  • JessicaRee
    December 7, 2012 at 9:04 AM
    You just described my step son. We're lost too. Family counseling did nothing. He has taken every med on the market to no avail. We have tried punishments and rewards good enough for a school of troubled boys with no luck.

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