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jenking04
Why am i expected to be nice and civil??
November 27, 2012 at 1:37 AM

My mom tells me i should be nice to my EX and be civil for the kids sake. I am nice and i NEVER tear him apart infront if the kids. I make sure my son knows that he can text his dad any time he wants. My EX hasnt seen the kids in over 2 weeks and hasnt made any attempt to see the kids. He only comes around when it is convienent for him in other words when he isnt drunk on drugs or screwing his whores. I have not contacted my EX for anything in a few days exsept for today i sent him a text to ask him for my spare car key back and he hasnt responded. A few days ago i got a long nasty text from my EX accusing me of sending a text to his new GF and someone else about his "medical condition" he has HPV and wont tell the people he is sleeping with. So forgive me if i say yes i am happy she knows the truth i hope he decides to tell the next girl he is with. He told me that because of this it is my fault that he wont ever see the kids again. I am tired of being nice and civil just to see him cause my kids pain cause he is a selfish jackass. He is a sociopath and has borderline personality disorder. In our 10 year relationship he constantly lied and cheated on me. He will blame me for anything and everything that happenes in his life and he will find any excuse to not see the kids. I have tried to be civil and i was for awhile this time around untill he blamed me for his secrete getting out and said he would never see the kids again and it was my fault. It's not like i send him nasty long text everyday cause i dont. I do not contact him unless i absolutly need to like today to find away to get my spare key back. I hate that he has no remorse for the pain he keeps inflicting on my kids. My DD hasnt slept through the night in 2 weeks she wakes cry every hour. My son has become very attached to me and doesnt want me to leave him. Both ar hurting and dont understand why daddy doesnt want them anymore and why it is so easy for him to just walk out of there lives without a second thought. I hate that he is doing this to my babies. But my mom says that i should be nice and civil for my kids sake. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    November 27, 2012 at 1:54 AM

    Get both children into counseling as well as yourself so that everyone can heal and move on. See if you can find a different male role model that will have a positive influence on them so they learn that their dads behavior is not acceptable.

  • AMBG825
    by AMBG825
    November 27, 2012 at 5:16 AM

     I agree with counseling. And yes, you should still be civil. It hurts your children if you're not. Better to be civil and not talk bad about him around the kids than to poison them against their father. From experience ...even a crappy parent is better than no parent.

     

    Get yourself a log book. One of those MEAD notebooks is fine. (Not a spiral one. You want one in which it is difficult to remove pages and is obvious when a page is removed.) Everytime he contacts you, write it down. Time, date, and brief description of the contact. Every text. Every phone call. Everytime he stops by. Every visit write down. If he doesn't show up for his visit, write down that he missed it.

  • adelecarrington
    November 27, 2012 at 6:44 AM

    Your children will suffer if you are not calm, they will feel that because they are part of him and you don't love him how can you love them. It's irrational but it happens. But a abusive relationship with their father is worse than no relationship. Go talk to a lawyer and have it all agreed. Don't hate him, it doesn't effect him, he doesn't care, but it's a waste of your time and energy. Love your kids and forget about him, he doesn't matter unless you let him.

  • cowboygal
    November 27, 2012 at 8:25 AM
    My ex is the same way. Has had no contact with his kids in two weeks. He has not seen then since October 20. We do not bad mouth him. We have a little calendar and we write down Everts time he calls, when he does not call, when he sees the kids and how long. The kids miss him but they are old enough to see that daddy is not there.

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