First, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to give me advice!! Of course, with only knowing a tiny part of the big picture, not all of it is applicable, but I am reading every response and considering all opinions.
I talked to my daughter last nite. She was very humble, not angry. She is panicking because it seems her boyfriend/fiance is not coming back. She is worried about finances, has admitted her fault in not keeping up with the house etc.
Did I let her off the hook? NO! I told her I would be over once a week to check the cleanliness of the house(as requested by the owner)....she has no more chances regarding that issue.
She gets paid next week and wants to sit down with me to figure out her budget...including what she owes us. I want to make sure that she can afford everything where she is on her own, and stressed to her that she need s to worry about her and that baby...not the boyfriend.
I will continue assisting my daughter, not enabling her. I am not going to bail her out, and she will start losing things if she doesn't take care of her business(ie. her car and the house)
She is terrified by the reality of all of this and shocked that she is going to be a single mother. She wanted it to be a family...not just a baby. Reality is sinking in.
She is still a child, my child, who thought she could make adult choices and is learning a harsh lesson without being able to change the outcome....or go back to the way it was.
I hope that she meant what she said and will work harder at everything(school, work, home, etc) but she knows that it is HER responsibility....I will give her the chance to prove herself.
****Update: The house was spotless!! Now to see if she follows through with the other things we discussed!!! Keeping my fingers crossed that she just got a wake up call!
I think, at this point, all you can do is give her the tools she needs to be an adult. She tried to grow up too fast and is now learning the hard way. Hopefully this situation she got herself into will be a strong reminder in her future.
I would take advantage of this new attitude with her and sit down to go over everything. Make her work for it by having her make lists of things that she needs to do now. Cleaning schedule, balancing finances, basically everything needed to organize her life. And if she doesn't follow through, its on her. Make it clear that if she does lose her house and car, it will be up to her to figure out a way to survive. And if that means going to the welfare office, so be it. She needs to know that she is the only one who can change the things that have happened. The main thing is, you need to make sure you are only there for moral support.
I hope she is sincere. No one wants to sit and watch their child learn the hard way or fall flat on their face, unfortunately though, sometimes that's the very thing we need to do.
by baquickOctober 22, 2011 at 10:46 PMI hope she keeps it up!
October 23, 2011 at 12:18 AM
great news hope she keeps it up
by jess80October 23, 2011 at 10:31 AMGood luck!
This is a tough situation and I believe there is nothing wrong with helping her in any way you can. She is only 17. Regardless of what everyone is telling you, she is still your child and how you want to help (even if it seems too much it probably isn't) is your choice and no one else's. If I would have had a baby at 17, I couldn't have afforded to live on my own, not if I wanted to graduate. The world hasn't ended, as most people think with teenage pregnancy. It's better than other things she could have been doing. Honestly, you being there as a parent is what she needs. I would agree that you shouldn't do everything for her--parents should stop doing everything for their children at a certain point anyway. What you are doing is probably a good thing, but also think of it as her reaching out to you. She needs you more than anyone, or anything, right now. It sounds like everything will be alright. Good luck to your family.
I'm just glad she's trying. My 17 year old sister had an abortion Friday and it hurts my heart. I got pregnant at 17 and kept it, 5 years and two more pregnancies later and me and my husband are doing fine. I just wish my sister would have taken responsibility for her actions. I'm glad your daughter seems to be growing up and doing what needs to be done. Good luck.