OOF, a gramma before I am 40! Alright, I will try to keep this short. Some may remember that my DD moved in with her father 2 years ago as she did not like my rules and expectations. Well, in June, her father let her move in with her boyfriend.....I also found out that this boyfriend had pretty much been living with them since September. Ouch! I gave my lecture, then tried to be supportive and rebuild our relationship that had been devastated by a bad divorce from her controlling father. Next thing I hear is that she found out she was pregnant, due in February. She and her boyfriend could not afford rent and utilities where they were living so my husband and I talked to some friends who have their house on the market and they agreed to rent to them for only $300/mo because they liked the idea of someone in the house over the winter(we are in northern MN).
Prior to this, my DH and I bought her a car and put insurance on it with the written agreement for monthly payments so she could go to school and work(she is only required 2.5 hours a day at school to graduate early). I have frequented many garage sales and stocked her with clothes, highchair, bought a new pack and play, gave her several grocery care packages and just put $100 of fuel in her tank for heat at her home.
We were asked by the owner of the house to make sure she kept the house clean, as it is still on the market and can be shown at anytime. My daughter agreed. When my DH and I went there to add her fuel and bring more baby supplies over we were shocked. The house was a mess, her boyfriend has been smoking in there, there are bags of stinky trash all over the garage and she is using the dishwasher we specifically told her not to as it leaks. She didn't answer my calls, so I text her and she got angry with ME!
Oh, side note: Today she was supposed to meet with us and get her finances in order and figure out her heat situation and she ditched us to go to movies with friends(an hour away).
Also, her boyfriend/fiance keeps leaving her for days on end to hang with friends and then she is a wreck. She skips school by the week and misses days upon days of work.
How do I make her realize she needs to take care of her responsibilities? She will be a mother in just a few months! Unfortunately, her dad allowed her to miss school, and let her boyfriend move in, and taught her some pretty bad habits.
After so many posts giving me the same advice(which I appreciate), i wanted to jsut clarify these issues.
EDIT: Since my daughter just came back into my life in mid June and we found out she was pregnant in August, she had portrayed herself to have become a mature young lady and presented her relationship with the father of her child as a decent one. I thought she was handling everything well...the home we helped them get out of was horribly expensive and I figured it was mutually beneficial to them and our friends to have them in their current house...or I never would have offered it. I wasn't trying to baby her, I just offered a solution. Also, I provided things that I found at garage sales to show her that she need not spend a lot of money to get things she needed and was glad to help by spending 20-30 bucks on clothes, highchair, etc.
I wasn't implying that she would shrivel and die if the heat were to get shut off or she ran out of groceries, I was pleading for someone to explain how can I just shut off my maternal instincts and not want to provide help in those cases...as examples.
She will definately not move in here, she doesn't agree with how I run a tight ship here....that's why she left in the first place. I am struggling with the fact that my baby is having a baby, that she is still selfish and immature(because she is only 17) and how to get her to wake up! I am struggling with all of this....it is quite overwhelming!!
So...I get a phone call at 6:45am from my daughter crying and carrying on. She fell down the stairs at work and is driving herself to the emergency room. She hurt and was worried about the baby. Ends up she pulled muscles in her pelvis(causing the scary belly pain) and severely bruised her hip and back. The doctor told her to take two days off of work.
I don't actually think she did this on purpose, but hope she didn't exaggerate her injuries for another day off! That was my mind going crazy over all of this!!!!
BUT!!!!! What I did is told her to get checked out, go back to work, fill out an accident report and inform her boss of when she can come back to work. Then, I let her go on her own. I did call the hospital to make sure she arrived safely and she and the baby were ok.
I just feel like there is always some drama surrounding her, but I just don't know how much she is creating, or how much is just bad luck!!
And YES! I am still talking to her tonite with some ultimatums!
THANK YOU to EVERYONE for advice!!
I am trying to keep up and respond when questions are asked!!!
I added another post explaining the latest!!!
I would stop paying her way for her. She going to take advantage of you and think you'll always be there to do everything for her. Let her figure it out on her own...tell her it's all in her hands now as you gave her a wonderful start...more than most parents I know would. She wants to be an adult...let her try to be one.