Elementary School Kids

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tilly030409
how should this be handled? UPDATE AT BOTTOM in red!!
March 28, 2013 at 11:26 PM

So has joint custody of DSD that he shares with the Maternal grandfather and stepgrandmother. They have residential and he has visitation that is every other weekend with 5 day period inclusive with a weekend. We have been trying to go for a 50/50 deal but the grandparents (mainly SGM) has not been going for it. She has tried to do everything possible to cut time back and cause as much drama as possible. He has been involved since she was born. We have been together since she was about 1 a little younger. we have been doing this visitation schedule since right before DSD started Pre-k, she is now in 3rd grade. I have DD who is the same age and then we have our youngest DD together age 3. We believe SGM has seperation problems with DSD and her 2 sibling that live with her in their home.

She goes to the school and eats lunch with DSD 3 times a week during the time that we have her. She takes pictures of herself and DSD, or gives her notes, or treats. She has brought home notes (on a monday) that say I love you and miss you and can't wait for you to come back home. Then it had several lipstick kisses on the bottom of it. The pictures have notes on the backs that read similar to the notes. SO has talked to the principle about the contact at school and she basically told him the only way she could stop the visits is if he brings in papers from the court stating she is not to have contact during his time...but she does understand his concerns and agrees with him that it is not the best thing for DSD. She also takes out report cards and weekly thursday reports, things that need to be signed and returned. He finally sent a note before christmas break when he found out she IS FAILING (not going too but IS) 3rd grade. he met with the teacher and discussed things with her. SGM has been presigning reading logs ans progress reports. Teacher said she was going to not give DSD credit for the assignnments and that she would be talking to SGM and explaining that the sheets are to be signed nightly to ensure that the assignments are actually getting done. She also writed out her name and had him sign it.

Something that we have caught on too. Every month she is given a reading log. She has 1 story a week she is suppose to read every night and she is suppose to time herself. She is to write down the total number of pages read and then the minutes it took her to read it. For the 3 weeks she is with the grandparents She always takes her 1 hour to read anywhere from 10-18 pages (depending on the length of the story, # of pages change but the time taken to read doesn't)

When she is with us it monday it takes about 30-35 minutes and by thursday it is only about 20 miuntes (again depending ont he number of pages). Again the section where the parent is to sign off on it is already presigned by SGM (on his time)


On to this weeks problem....

Of course SGM showed up monday to give DSD her treats, then today he got DSD weekly progress folder. The space for him to sign and the space for next thursday is already signed. There are also papers you are suppose to review and sign letting the teacher know you reviewed them....

SO notices the spelling word sheet that was filled out for last week was not in DSD hand writing. The work sheet consists of blank boxes for the kids to fill in  the spelling word 3x each in alphabetically order. SO asked DSD if it was her handwriting and at first she said yes and SO took this weeks sheet and last weeks sheet and layed then on the table side by side. He asked her again if it was her handwriting on the first page and she hung her head and said no it was SGM's and that she told her not to fill it out but she did anyways. SO just said ok and let her go back to doing her homework. SO wrote a note on the bottom of the first sheet stating " This is NOT DD's hand writing" He then wrote another note on this weeks sheets saying "This IS DD hand writing" and places both of them into her homework folder for the teacher to see tomorrow.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? DH needs some advice and asked me to make this post/ If there are any teacher our there, What can he do? What would be your course of action for the student involved in this situation? Thanks in advance for your responses.


***********UPDATE*************

SO had a meeting with GP when he took SD home yesterday and they had a chat about some of the things going on. GP was unaware about the homework issue (no surprise there). SO said that he told him " I understand that sometimes things get hectic and rushed, but I believe it is SD best interest to do her own homework" GP said he agreed with him. When the "meeting" started GP told SGM to stay in the house they talked outside while all of our kids played (SO took our 2 girls with him to take her home, GP loves our youngest daughter and often times wants us to bring her in so he can play with her at drop off and pick ups) GP also said that he will consider him having SD for the half time he wants, just give him some time to think about it. when they filled out the out the visitation calendar, SGM kept trying to change dates around and GP had to correct her several times and SO said that he looked very irritated by what she was doing. SO made it a point to tell GP in front of SGM that he felt it would be best if all contact was handled directly and only between himself and GP. GP said told him that he completely agree while staring directly at SGM with a very disapproving look. 

I am hoping that this meeting may have made GP aware of some situations and that he also feels that they need to change as well.....guess we will see, gonna update the main post as well with this information. I appreciate all of the responses I have gotten and the advice on a good course of action!

Replies

  • tilly030409
    March 28, 2013 at 11:32 PM

    BUMP!

  • ZombyMommy
    March 28, 2013 at 11:33 PM

    It's obvious that there are some seperation issues going on. She doesn't seem to realize that she is harming DSD more than helping. Since this is now effecting her schooling, I would tell DH to meet with the principal and her teacher to discuss the problem, and get a written statement from them saying that he has been acting as a concerned parent regarding a problem they agree with. Unfortunately, if she won't stop then it needs to be addressed legally. She is hurting DSD and infringing on his parental time. That's not cool

  • silverdawn99
    March 28, 2013 at 11:36 PM
    Why cant he get full custody?
    He is the father
  • tilly030409
    March 28, 2013 at 11:42 PM

    When he went to court before he didn't have a lawyer and they did. Every issues he brought up, their lawyer claimed it to be hear say. He said that the lawyer cut him off every time he tried to talk. The judge ruled in the favor of the grandparents but suggested to SO to obtain a lawyer and come back. We plan to use the tax money this coming year to get a lawyer and go back to court.

    Quoting silverdawn99:

    Why cant he get full custody?
    He is the father


  • tilly030409
    March 28, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    BUMP!

  • tilly030409
    March 29, 2013 at 12:26 AM

    BUMP!

  • frndlyfn
    March 29, 2013 at 12:32 AM

    Definitely go back to court for full custody so that she can be in a more stable environment with parents who have the energy to keep up with the school workload.  Are these grandparents on moms side?  How does a stepgrandmother get any rights?

  • nebcutie
    March 29, 2013 at 12:38 AM
    Make copies for you guys to have for court! Including when she signs ahead and all. Date the day you copied it and show how they are signed ahead and the work is not in her writing. Ask the teacher to hold all papers that are graded and sent home for you guys to pick up and keep those reading logs as proof of how she does with you compared to her.
  • tilly030409
    March 29, 2013 at 4:33 AM

    I went to a friends house and made copies. I also went through her other notebooks and made a copy of spelling test that she made a 43 on last month and found about 4-5 pages in her math folder that was also done by SGM and made copies of those. I say 4-5 because one looks like DSD started to do it and then SGM went back and made the corrections to the ones she missed...

    Quoting nebcutie:

    Make copies for you guys to have for court! Including when she signs ahead and all. Date the day you copied it and show how they are signed ahead and the work is not in her writing. Ask the teacher to hold all papers that are graded and sent home for you guys to pick up and keep those reading logs as proof of how she does with you compared to her.


  • tilly030409
    March 29, 2013 at 4:34 AM

    BUMP!

Elementary School Kids

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