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dtristan78
Harsh or fair punishment? ETA
February 27, 2013 at 9:26 AM
I wrote a previous post about my daughter passing a note from one friend to another student. The note was not read, written or opened by my daughter, she was the gofer.





Anyways, her teacher sent a referral tithe office about the note. My daughter name was in the referral as the 'middle man' deliverer. The Assistant Principal gave the writer AND my daughter ISS and lunch detention.


After I spoke to her teacher, who agreed my daughter is 99.9% a great kid and student, said if she knew the punishment she would have not sent the referral for my daughter she suggested I contact the Assistant Principal for a conference to see if we can discuss the punishment.





So my question...would you fight it or let it be. Also, there is no set rule regarding passing notes, the reason it was such a big deal was because a 8 year girl was propositioning a boy for sex. In 2nd grade!!!!





Fair or harsh for my daughter?



ETA- I spoke with the AP, nearl a week after the event, she informed me my daughter ONLY had lunch detention and never had ISS. The other child was punishe with ISS. I can deal with a lunch detention!

Also, she has learned. A note was passed to her the other day and she gave it to the teacher.

Replies

  • coolmommy2x
    February 27, 2013 at 9:36 AM
    My DD is in 2nd grade too. I wouldn't fight it. Passing notes is disruptive (the writer disrupted DD, she disrupted the boy and I'm guessing the boy disrupted the teacher and class when he got/read the note) and this is a good way to learn that lesson.

    I don't think it's a big deal. It's not like she won't get into college because she passed a note in 2nd grade.

    As for the content of the note...wow! That's scary!
  • snowangel1979
    February 27, 2013 at 9:48 AM
    Unfortunately sometimes you have to learn the hard way. Guilt by association and don't let your friends talk you into something.

    I wouldn't fight it. While there may not be a rule that exactly said no note passing, there's probably a rule about disrupting class, Ect that passing a note would fall under.

    I agree the content of the note is scary.
  • Emeraldmama7
    February 27, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    I wouldn't fight it but I would bring it up to the assistant principal.  I think that sort of punishment is a little much.  If she were constantly passing notes herself and also getting in trouble just in class, then I could understand.  If the teacher backs you up on this, I would mention that too. 

    If the AP doesn't budge with the punishment, then I would let it go.  But my kids have never gotten anything more than a verbal warning in class (and that's even far and few between) so they would have devestated my kids to have such a harsh punishment. 

    Good luck.  (and now i'm off to read your first post about the note....=p)

     

  • Barabell
    February 27, 2013 at 10:03 AM

    It is a harsh lesson, but that is how the real world works. Even though she didn't know what the note says, she is "guilty" for having it in her possession.

    In the past, there was a story in the news where there were high school students passing around bags of oregano. Technically nothing illegal was happening because it was oregano. But the kid it was intented to go to thought it was pot. The kid that brought the oregano to school to sell and the kids that passed the oregano through the classroom were all charged with possession of drugs. The reasoning is that the kid that brought in the oregano put it out there as an illegal substance and attempted to sell it, and all the other kids were guilty of being gofers.

    In the real world, gofers are considered accessories to crimes and are often charged with the same degree crime as the guilt party.

    In general, I think the punishment is pretty harsh. My guess is the 8 yo girls that wrote the note didn't fully understand what she was propositioning.

  • LilliesValley
    February 27, 2013 at 10:17 AM
    Punishment isn't great but dd probably won't pass notes again. I don't always agree with things dd does at school and gets in trouble or punished for but I almost always back up the school or teacher. For example dd got in trouble for skipping in the classroom. She could have been hurt, more likely she wouldn't but, ok. Mltn it was disruptive to the class. It's not in the rule book that it is against the rules but the teacher didnt like it, it wasn't a big deal and I just told dd you skip in gym or outside.

    I think op your dd will learn not to be the middleman, which could be dangerous in some situations, hopefully not in school, and will not be a middlemen man again. One iss and a detention in second grade is not going to keep her out of Harvard or Yale so I'd let it go. Explain to her, which I'm sure you have, why her decision to help in this situation was wrong and how sometimes in life you make a bad decision and there's a penalty with/for it. Over all she's learning a life skill that will serve her well so no I wouldn't change or attempt to change the punishment. Jmot.
  • Jinx-Troublex3
    February 27, 2013 at 10:21 AM
    Agree wit most everyone else....

    Harsh but a good life lesson. I would let the school deal with it.
  • zoniechick
    February 27, 2013 at 11:27 AM

     If you daughter is normally a 'good' student, I do believe the punishment does not fit the crime. However, I would not fight it. She was caught doing something considered a no-no. With such a harsh punishment, she will most likely not be passing notes to her classmates.

    As for the content, omg! My son is also in second grade and he has no clue what 'sex' is. That is so scrary and to young imo to know about such matters. He knows basic things such as boys and girls are different and his private parts are private, but does not know what the act of sex is.

    surprised

     

  • MJP76
    by MJP76
    February 27, 2013 at 12:07 PM

    I'd have that chat. Idk how your school works, but at my kids schools, and even when I was growing up there were set punishments for certain behaviors. On one hand passing a note is passing a note, no matter if she was the middle man or not. On the other hand, and ISS + a detention seems harsh for all parties involved...

    I remember 1st offense for passing notes when I went to school, was a note home to parents, second offense was after school detention. 3rd offense was ISS

  • MJP76
    by MJP76
    February 27, 2013 at 12:08 PM


    From my expirence most kids that young that know that much about sex is because they are being sexually abused... :(

    Quoting zoniechick:

     If you daughter is normally a 'good' student, I do believe the punishment does not fit the crime. However, I would not fight it. She was caught doing something considered a no-no. With such a harsh punishment, she will most likely not be passing notes to her classmates.

    As for the content, omg! My son is also in second grade and he has no clue what 'sex' is. That is so scrary and to young imo to know about such matters. He knows basic things such as boys and girls are different and his private parts are private, but does not know what the act of sex is.

    surprised

     



  • mom22tumblebugs
    February 27, 2013 at 12:24 PM

    fair. She had the choice to not accept the note to pass on to another student.

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