vinalex0581
Stop smothering me, please.
January 15, 2013 at 2:37 PM

I love my 7 year old son. He's a happy boy but he's also clingy.

I don't like that. I want to teach my son to be independent and not so clingy. Only because I don't want him growing up to be like me, I'm very clingy and that use to cause problems for the guys who I was with. I like that he wants to hug and kiss me alot. I don't see anything wrong with that, but it just seems like he has to be up my butt alot of the times.

I just want to try to find a happy medium. I want to teach him that it's ok to be affectionate without smothering a person.

I don't want him to have difficulty in a relationship when he grows up because he is clingy.

Is this wrong of me to feel this way?

How can I teach him to not be so clingy?

I also want to teach him that it's ok to be alone. I know adults who don't like being alone and I don't think that it's healthy.

Am I wrong?

Like he doesn't like to watch tv alone (not something that he does all of the time either) I try to even it so that he has some alone time but I also make sure that he gets quality time with me.

Which is sometimes hard because of his baby brother who I have to take care of alot. And my son's schedule, he goes to school, then cub scouts on tuesdays and gymnastics on wednesdays and then bowling on saturdays.

I use to take him until I had my younger son, now I don't because I am taking care of my younger son.

I just want to teach him that it's ok to be alone because I don't want him having problems in his adult life.

I look at it as tough love. Isn't that my job to teach him that?

Just want to know if this is wrong of me to feel this way or it's ok to feel this way.

And to get advice to teach him how to be affectionate without smothering a person.

Replies

  • Jinx-Troublex3
    January 15, 2013 at 2:45 PM
    7 is a little young to worry about him having a lifelong clingyness. He still needs Mommy and using the excuse of a new baby taking your time is only going to make the issue worse, not better.

    Is the new baby sick or have another issue that makes it so you can't take him bowling or other places?
  • kmrtigger
    January 15, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    Talk to him about alone time. Explain to him how you both need some time alone to do the things you both enjoy.

    Maybe take a trip to the library and ask about books that teach independence in his age range. Or books about having a younger sibling, etc.

  • womanwifemomof3
    January 15, 2013 at 3:36 PM

    I think fill up his cup with so much love and then he'll be ready to spend some time alone in the world and will return for a refill.  Probably the more you push him into indepenance the more he will be clingy. He's pushed away before he's full and it leaves him always wanting more.  He's at school much of his day.  You don't know all that happened there that day and he may just need some extra lovin.  If mama pushes him away and he can't get it in a healthy way from you than he will fill that need elsewhere which may cause him problems.  Also remember he is not you.  His issues and experiancess are all his own.  He's 7yr.  no need to worry about his dating llife yet.  Meet his current needs. 

  • jazzgirl205
    January 15, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    I can tell by your other posts that you are a good parent - you give a damn.  He just wants to know you love him.  Getting him involved in things with others boys is a good start.  Try getting a kitchen timer and setting it for 30 min.  Tell him it is his alone time to do anything he wants - color, draw, read, sleep, play games, make up stories, etc...  Afterwards, get together with him, give him luvin' and discuss what he did by himself.  After a few times, peek to see if he's really into something, and move the timer to give him more time.

    Your instincts are right.  Children do need to learn what to do with themselves.  Boredom is the harbinger of creativity.  You just have to do it in such a way that he doesn't think you're pushing him away. 

  • saltlifemama
    January 15, 2013 at 3:51 PM

    I think you need to let him grow emotionally at his own rate. I highly doubt he will be still holding your hand when he hits jr high. Or anyone else either. It sounds like he is a little insecure. He needs your attention and approval. If you take that away from him as he is still so young it will only cause issues in the future. Some children are more needy then others. 

  • aetrom
    by aetrom
    January 15, 2013 at 3:58 PM
    My 7 year old has been extra clingy lately. I try to remind myself that it will pass and probably quicker than I want!
  • vinalex0581
    January 15, 2013 at 4:04 PM

    no. i breastfeed and i don't like to breastfeed in public.

    his grandma and great grandmother take him bowling and gymnastics.

    my SO takes him to cub scouts.

    if my youngest allows me to i'll take my youngest with me and meet my son atbowling.

    problem is we lived with my mom most of my 7 yr olds life and i feel she has taught him to be clingy.

    i don't want my 7 yr old to feel like i'm rejecting him but i also want to teach him that being clingy isn't good.

    Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

    7 is a little young to worry about him having a lifelong clingyness. He still needs Mommy and using the excuse of a new baby taking your time is only going to make the issue worse, not better.

    Is the new baby sick or have another issue that makes it so you can't take him bowling or other places?


  • vinalex0581
    January 15, 2013 at 4:09 PM


    problem is we lived with my mom most of my 7 yr olds life and i feel she has taught him to be clingy.

    and isn't my job, as his mom, to prepare him for the real world?

    how do i prepare him for the real world if i don't teach him not to be clingy?

    Quoting womanwifemomof3:

    I think fill up his cup with so much love and then he'll be ready to spend some time alone in the world and will return for a refill.  Probably the more you push him into indepenance the more he will be clingy. He's pushed away before he's full and it leaves him always wanting more.  He's at school much of his day.  You don't know all that happened there that day and he may just need some extra lovin.  If mama pushes him away and he can't get it in a healthy way from you than he will fill that need elsewhere which may cause him problems.  Also remember he is not you.  His issues and experiancess are all his own.  He's 7yr.  no need to worry about his dating llife yet.  Meet his current needs. 


  • vinalex0581
    January 15, 2013 at 4:14 PM

    i have talked my son, Alex, about being alone and he's starting to get use to watching tv alone.  i'm still working on him eating alone.  he eats alone at breakfast but that's only because i'm up late with the baby and Alex gets up at 7am to get ready for school and i'm still asleep.  it's hard because i breastfeed and right now my milk supply is at just the right level for me to nurse but my OB told me that i need to get sleep when my youngest son is sleeping because if i don't get alot of sleep then my milk supply will decrease. 

    i don't know if i'm explaining myself right.

    i use to get up with Alex at 6am so we could have some us time but Alex started having a hard time getting up so I just let him sleep because I know that sleep is important.

    i just don't know what to do.

    i am trying to do the right thing but i don't know what the right thing is to do.


    Quoting kmrtigger:


    Talk to him about alone time. Explain to him how you both need some time alone to do the things you both enjoy.

    Maybe take a trip to the library and ask about books that teach independence in his age range. Or books about having a younger sibling, etc.


  • vinalex0581
    January 15, 2013 at 4:23 PM

    and that's the problem that i have.

    i am really apprehensive that he's going to feel like i'm pushing him away and i don't want him to feel that way.

    his father isn't the type that shows affection compared to me, my mom and my grandmother.

    my son likes to watch the disney channel so instead of setting a timer i could probably just time it by the shows that he watches because they are 30 minutes per show.

    i do try to show him love. i tell him i love him as much as i can.

    but the cute thing is alex will have a friend over and they will get ready to go outside and right before alex walks out the door, he'll tell me that he loves me and no matter how busy i am, i always make sure that i stop what i'm doing and tell him i love him.

    Quoting jazzgirl205:

    I can tell by your other posts that you are a good parent - you give a damn.  He just wants to know you love him.  Getting him involved in things with others boys is a good start.  Try getting a kitchen timer and setting it for 30 min.  Tell him it is his alone time to do anything he wants - color, draw, read, sleep, play games, make up stories, etc...  Afterwards, get together with him, give him luvin' and discuss what he did by himself.  After a few times, peek to see if he's really into something, and move the timer to give him more time.

    Your instincts are right.  Children do need to learn what to do with themselves.  Boredom is the harbinger of creativity.  You just have to do it in such a way that he doesn't think you're pushing him away.