Friends kids destroyed my house!

[Bleacher-mom]

How strict should I be when it comes to other kids playing with my kids toys and messing up their rooms? With one of my friends I used to babysit her kids, so they pretty much know what I expect when they come over to play, although they are more like family so I usually make them clean up their own messes after they have stayed the night. But I have some other friends that come over with their kids so our kids can play together. While they're here, I try to have a good hostess attitude so I just let them play and have fun while the other mom and I chitchat. But after they leave I get upset at how much of a mess they made. It will usually take me all of the next day to clean up my kids rooms. I know my kids are also partly to blame, but I know that at least 75% of the toys that get pulled out are from the other kids. So what should I do? Should I just expect to clean up after them when they leave or be stricter when they're here? Is that the way it should be, that when other kids come what ever mess they make is now our responsibility? When I take my kids to other friends house I usually make them clean up what ever mess they made. Is there some unwritten rule that I don't know about? Sorry this is so long, but I'm just unsure how to handle this.

[Allebas]

When I have my kids friends over, I tell the mom ahead of time on the phone that my kids have cleaned up their toys so they could have friends over to play. I then tell the mom before they leave, I expect their kids to help my kids put any toys away that they get out while playing at my  house. If I don't do this, I have learned that the kids run to their mom when she says its time to go, and if the mom mentions about helping my kids clean up, her kids will start whining/crying etc. and the mom feels sorry for her kids and walks out the door leaving MY kids to clean everything themselves. I haven't had any negative reactions from the moms at all. They will usually tell me how it makes them so mad when ppl leave their house without making their kids help clean up the toys too! Communication before they show up IMO, is what works the best!! Good luck OP!!

[tiffs2009]

I limit the toys they can have out, they must put the old toys away b4 new ones are out too. At the end it'd its messy they all clean (unless the mom has a screaming baby, or someone got sick ext reasons they need to leave ASAP.)

[Jynnifer292]

I let my kids know that when they have friends over, they need to clean up whatever mess is made. Otherwise, I just hope that the other parent has taught them to do what is polite and help clean up and remind them to if they aren't helping.  

[coala]

My kids were at a friends house on New Years eve.  We went to pick them up and I sent my children in their friends room and the family room to clean.  I don't care if those other kids helped clean or not, but my children were going to do what I expected of them before we left.

[LittleBirdFly]

I would have them clean up. I find it rude that their mom doesnt even mention it? Does she jsut say we ready to go and takes the kids and that it? I have never expirienced that. Eveyone always tells there kids to help clean up and thats what I would expect. If she doesnt say that I would, especially since its such a huge mess like you said.

[Jinx-Troublex3]

Why would a 12 yo and a 6yo be playing together anyhow? That's quite the age difference and a totally different attiude about playing. I would be concerned wit ha 12 yo that WANTED playdates with a 6yo.

Quoting HaileysMom07180:

This little girl was almost 12, my dd is 6.  I always think its a sad day when a 6 year old is more well behaved than a 12 year old.

[Jinx-Troublex3]

I'm really strict about who comes over in the first place.

As with many others,  the parents of the kids know my rules and it goes both ways - whoever's house they go to, it is cleaned up before you leave.

If we have a set pickup, I go in about 30 min before and tell them it's time to clean up you are leaving at X time. If I have kids somewhere I call the parent and say, " I will be there at X time, please have the kids clean up and be ready to go." 

This works everywhere but my bestie's house - the kids know if I cross the threshhold then she and I will be talking at least for half an hour, which usually turns into coffee and an hour..LOL We joke that the kids never understand time because we tell them, "We are leaving in 15 min!" then sit and talk for an hour..hehe

[M4LG5]

I set the limits ahead of time with my girls.  I let them know what they can play with and share with their friends and what they can't.  For the most part, I try to have them more outside.  It's my girls' responsibility to make sure that things are put back....whether they get their friends to help or not. 

I also make sure their friends know which things they can play with and what they can't.  i have no problem giving them directions.

[nurbabe82]

 Normally when we have friends over with their kids its so they can play poker so I am able to get everyone to help pick up before anyone leaves. But if say my FIL stops by with our nephew, I don't ever know how long the visit will be so when FIL tells our nephew they are leaving I say ok lets pick up real quick. I expect ds to help if he goes to someone else's house too.

[clo1988]

I always make my kids clean up their mess at other people's houses before we leave and I feel that's how it should be! With that said, I've have people's kids dump out buckets of toys, getting stuck in baby items, taking sheets off beds, helping themselves to food, etc. and there parents would ignore it all and leave everything for me to clean up! Lets just say those kids and parents are no longer welcome in my home!