Finding a job like is trying to make a soup sandwhich ... This couple is starting to think
inside the body outside the box.
How far would you go to help keep your family afloat and marriage together during a financial crisis??
Starting Our Nest Egg We're broke: Should my wife sell her eggs to an infertile couple?
Posted Thursday, Feb. 26, 2009, at 6:47 AM ET
My wife and I have been married for a thoroughly enjoyable three years, but we've recently fallen on hard times. At nearly 30, I now realize becoming a screenwriter should be Plan B, although I still have to find Plan A. My wife is a 24-year-old student. We'd like to start a family but can't for a few years. She has suggested egg donation. From the various listings, it sounds like we could make $6,000-8,000 per shot. As she sees it, we'd be helping a determined couple have a family, we could use the money, and she's just "flushing them down the toilet every month" anyway. Any child would be lucky to share her genes—she's smart and gorgeous. But I have concerns. First, I think these hopeful parents should consider adopting. Second, despite the technicalities, I have a hard time seeing her eggs merely as genetic material. Part of me feels that since any child that results from this would be half my wife, I would feel a sense of responsibility for it and its well-being. What should we do?
—Leggo My Eggo
Obviously, your gametes can't get you out of your financial hole. Sperm are a dime a dozen, but, oh, those golden eggs. You need to consider this step carefully because it will have implications for the rest of your lives. However, since the whole point of this exercise is that the recipient family gets to raise the child, you can stop worrying about that obligation. Also on the plus side, your wife might be the answer to an infertile couple's prayers. Egg donation is a low-risk but intrusive process, and there is the possibility of complications. This report has information about the medical issues. There has been little research on the psychological impact of egg donation, but this study looks at donors' mental state (generally fine) two years later. It used to be that egg and sperm donation was kept secret by the recipients. But the legal and cultural world of assisted reproduction is in flux, and as this report shows, opinion is shifting toward telling the child about his or her beginnings. This article describes how "donor conception is creating new family forms"—radically extending the notion of extended family. So you have to consider that one day triplets might ring the doorbell wanting to meet their biological mother. (This might be the basis for a movie, but I agree you should get out of the screenwriting business.) I can't make a decision for the two of you. But as you think through this possibility, your wife needs to do more than shrug and say egg donation is simply a lucrative alternative to flushing the toilet.
March 3, 2009 at 1:07 AM
I don't know if I could go quite that far...I could see myself considering it but ultimately turning it down.
It's an interesting thought though...
March 3, 2009 at 1:12 AM
I'll start. We're hurting for money. Not for extra. Not to buy anything new. Nothing fancy. Just to pay our bills. That's all. We do have money to eat ... because we don't pay ALL of our bills. And we didn't over-extend ourselves and get into trouble that way. I lost my job. With that being said... I'm undecided. The thought of my offspring..a part of me..being out there and not knowing them upsets me. BUUUT, the thought of giving the gift of a child to a family who was unable to concieve on their own brings me joy. So it's a toss up.
by legalmom343March 3, 2009 at 1:20 AM
I have considered doing it not for the $ but for the fact I could give an infertile couple the ability to be parents. I have been blessed with 3 of my own children so I know how wonderful being a parent is.
by BEXiMarch 3, 2009 at 1:39 AM
I saw an ad for this and seriously considered it myself.
March 3, 2009 at 1:14 PM
by MommaVeeMarch 3, 2009 at 1:56 PM
i wouldnt consider anything like this for money... yes the $ is a nice incentive, but id rather do it to help someone who cannot have a child of their own... but on the other hand, we are not hurting so bad to resort to something like this. we have enough to pay bills, get groceries and have a little to save.
by CjsMama914March 3, 2009 at 1:59 PM
This is a tough one. I've actually thought about it, but I'm not sure I could go through with it. I just get weirded out by the whole invasive procedure thing. I hate getting blood drawn... I don't know how I could handle donating eggs!! Lol.
by lady_kiraMarch 3, 2009 at 2:33 PM
I wouldn't, because I've heard that the horomone treatments and such that you have to undergo to do it are harsh on you and your body. So no... I just don't think it's the healthiest thing to do. My best friend however wouldn't mind giving all her eggs away, she's been talking about this for years actually. She doesn't want kids.
by MommySteph06March 3, 2009 at 5:07 PM
I'd think I would do it. I'd have to look into in more detail but it seems ok to me. I'd be helping out a family who really wants a child and would take care of that child...plus the money would be nice too.
by chagenueMarch 3, 2009 at 5:50 PM
it just seems strange having kids walking around that are yours...but not. not sure if i could do it.