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Anonymous
I must be a horrible mother for keeping track of my children!!! ETA
by Anonymous
July 18, 2013 at 8:27 AM

I went to the pool with my 2 and 4 year old by myself for the first time.  A little bit about them - They dont listen ever,  I hate going anywhere by myself with them because it ends up being stressful and not fun.  My 4 year old likes to take off and go wherever she wants regardless of what you say and if you try to explain she screams.  (I do discipline for this - time outs taking toys away, and yes spanking  etc.  I keep doing it even though it doesn't work). 

Well, we were leaving the pool and I called out to my 4 year old several times before she got out of the pool, in the locker room I had to say her name several time and loudly because sometimes she is like a wall and ignores me completely.  I called out one time loudly because I couldn't see her (like I said she likes to take off and keep in mind I have a 2 year old with me as well)  She finally ansered me and I told her to come back to me and STAY BY ME in a FIRM voice (I didn't consider it yelling).  Also, my children are loud anyway, we used to live in them iddle of nowhere with no neighbors so loudness didn't matter at least at home. 

This lady was walking out, and she looks at me and says "that is way too much yelling, really, there are other people here"  OK, so I must be a horrible mother because I am calling out to my kids to make sure they are near!!!  REALLY!!  I am so confused as to why she thought too much yelling, me disciplining to keep my 4 year old near me or my kids yelling because they are having fun?  Which one?  I am still confused and just REALLY need to vent. 

What is your take?

ETA - I am getting a lot of responses about not yelling.  As I said above.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM  voice.  I was NOT yelliing, hence why I am confused.  Yelling to me is with anger and screaming so loud you lose your voice.  That is yelling.  I had no anger and I was being very FIRM in what I expected of her. 

Replies

  • Bethsunshine
    July 18, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    My take is that by taking them to the pool to have fun, even when you know good and well they aren't going to listen to you, is rewarding them for their bad behavior.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    July 18, 2013 at 8:32 AM

    It's apparent by what you wrote and what the lady said to you that your parenting techniques are NOT working.  You need to re-evaluate your methods.  Maybe take a parenting class, but your kids should not be acting out at that age and you shouldn't be yelling.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    July 18, 2013 at 8:40 AM

     I wasn't yelling.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM voice to keep her near.  That is NOT yelling to me.  Am I supposed to leave my 2 year old to whisper out to my 4 year old?  Am I supposed to say in a whispering sweet voice (which doesn't work, hence why it was firm as this was the who knows how many times I have told her to stay with me in that sweet whispering voice)  to stay next to me?  She ignores it - trust me I use that voice first, then time out for not listening, then that voice again, then time out, over and over until the at least the 10th time then it gets FIRMER - not yelling. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    It's apparent by what you wrote and what the lady said to you that your parenting techniques are NOT working.  You need to re-evaluate your methods.  Maybe take a parenting class, but your kids should not be acting out at that age and you shouldn't be yelling.


     

  • lapcounter
    July 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM
    It sounds like you yell too much.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    July 18, 2013 at 8:44 AM


    If you are attracting comments from other adults, then it's too loud/harsh.  The bottom line is, your methods are NOT working and I am sorry, but a four year old should not need to be reminded to stay close.  You seriously need to re-evaluate your methods.

    Quoting Anonymous:

     I wasn't yelling.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM voice to keep her near.  That is NOT yelling to me.  Am I supposed to leave my 2 year old to whisper out to my 4 year old?  Am I supposed to say in a whispering sweet voice (which doesn't work, hence why it was firm as this was the who knows how many times I have told her to stay with me in that sweet whispering voice)  to stay next to me?  She ignores it - trust me I use that voice first, then time out for not listening, then that voice again, then time out, over and over until the at least the 10th time then it gets FIRMER - not yelling. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    It's apparent by what you wrote and what the lady said to you that your parenting techniques are NOT working.  You need to re-evaluate your methods.  Maybe take a parenting class, but your kids should not be acting out at that age and you shouldn't be yelling.





  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    July 18, 2013 at 8:45 AM
    You need to find a new method and be strict and consistant. Stop yelling. Kids tune that out.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    July 18, 2013 at 9:02 AM

     Can you give me another method besides time outs, taking toys away, and spanking?  I have tried EVERYTHING.  She hs always been like this since she could walk amd consistently disciplined.  I wanted a backpack leash (even though I hate them) when she was littler, but DH wouldn't let me. 

    Seriously - what is left? If you can give me any other option PLEASE tell me. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

     

    If you are attracting comments from other adults, then it's too loud/harsh.  The bottom line is, your methods are NOT working and I am sorry, but a four year old should not need to be reminded to stay close.  You seriously need to re-evaluate your methods.

    Quoting Anonymous:

     I wasn't yelling.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM voice to keep her near.  That is NOT yelling to me.  Am I supposed to leave my 2 year old to whisper out to my 4 year old?  Am I supposed to say in a whispering sweet voice (which doesn't work, hence why it was firm as this was the who knows how many times I have told her to stay with me in that sweet whispering voice)  to stay next to me?  She ignores it - trust me I use that voice first, then time out for not listening, then that voice again, then time out, over and over until the at least the 10th time then it gets FIRMER - not yelling. 

     

    Quoting Anonymous:

    It's apparent by what you wrote and what the lady said to you that your parenting techniques are NOT working.  You need to re-evaluate your methods.  Maybe take a parenting class, but your kids should not be acting out at that age and you shouldn't be yelling.

     

     

     

     


     

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    July 18, 2013 at 9:04 AM

     I wasn't yelling.  Is it considered yelling when you are at a concert and you talk loud in someone's ear so they can hear you?  Not to me - it is talking loudly so they can hear you not yelling.  Yelling has anger in it. 


    Quoting lapcounter:

    It sounds like you yell too much.


     

  • lapcounter
    July 18, 2013 at 9:06 AM
    Right.

    Quoting Anonymous:

     I wasn't yelling.  Is it considered yelling when you are at a concert and you talk loud in someone's ear so they can hear you?  Not to me - it is talking loudly so they can hear you not yelling.  Yelling has anger in it. 




    Quoting lapcounter:

    It sounds like you yell too much.



     

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    July 18, 2013 at 9:09 AM
    My take is you need to find a new way to discipline your children. It is obvious taking toys away and time outs are not working. You also need to understand that telling to you is yelling to other people.

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