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Anonymous
HELP NEED ADVICE *** UPDATE****
by Anonymous
April 6, 2013 at 2:45 PM

I have a daughter that is 16 my husband has been raising her since she has been 6 months old and has been a good dad to her  She does not know that he is not her real father  her real father does not have anything to do with any of his children . Should we tell her ? How do we tell her ? I am thinking after senior year after graduation any thoughts .   **** So we  decided to tell her due to all the crap that people have said to me on cafemom we figured shoot with scholership applications coming soon why wait to tell her ******  her response was what i thought she would say she said mom my dad is my dad that has raised me for the last 16 years not my sperm doner  and after telling her all the facts she said thank you for not telling me any sooner .Thank God she understood why i choose a happy childhood  for her verses a crappy childhood filled with drama for her. So for all you moms that told me a drama filled childhood was better than keeping  the truth from her you were wrong children want happy childhoods,love, respect , from us not the feeling of not being wanted or being forgotten on their bdays ,xmas.and every oither holiday were we as moms are making up excuses why dad hasnt called ;[  if they dont know the drama their hearts dont get  hurt just a thought  ;]

Replies

  • Ricanme
    by Ricanme
    April 7, 2013 at 7:35 AM

    That's a tuff decision. At that age you never know what the reaction w/be.  Wish you good luck.

    fingers crossed

  • Roo1234
    by Roo1234
    April 7, 2013 at 7:45 AM
    what is the purpose of telling her? and why now?
    How do you think she will take the news? will it change the relationship with her dad? what about her relationship with you? Will it make her think that you've kept other secrets from her? what are you hoping to gain from this?

    there are a lot of things to consider when you decide to suddenly reveal a secret that you have had for so many years. the ramifications can be farther and deeper than you can imagine.

    personally,I would have probably made sure she had heard this news long before now, or I would make sure she never learns of it. sometimes being honest is far more hurtful than helpful.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    April 7, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    It should have been part of her reality growing up.  You screwed up by not disclosing the truth to her. And when you do tell her (and you HAVE to do so, if only so she will have an accurate medical history) be prepared for her to be pissed ff about it.

    You can NEVER tell her, but if she ever finds out accidently (and it could happen) Then she might feel you cheated and had her.

    Did it ever occur to you that her Bio Dad might re appear? Or worse, one of his children?  In the form of a cute boy in college? Sure it's HIGHLY unlikely...but remotely possible.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 7, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    Ah ya i thought of it all of this doll  so dont get your panties in a bunch I looked at it as her real dad knew where i was and decided not to be a father my husband raised her like his own blood dont make a father a father becomes a dad with actions !!!!

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 7, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    I strongly stand by a father is a dad who loves and provides for a child needs not just because they have your dna  . Her real father has 3 oither children that he never sees or has paid a dime  for . The reason we need to tell her soon is  because i think my mom will tell her and we want to be the ones who tell her if i could keep it a secret forever i would . One reason i never told her was i didnt want my oither children to treat her differently as they were growing up her real father never seeked to be a dad even though i gave that option early on when she was a baby and like i said my husband has raised her since she has been 6 months old  time by goes fast.I dont regret waiting as long as i have why tell her about some one that dont want her in his life to be dispointed in life as she was growing up no thank you she can see what a real father is and make up her mind as adult  ;]

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 7, 2013 at 2:10 PM

    Thank you ;] over the years my husband and i have always said a real father is a dad thats always been there thru thick and thin . A father is someone that loves and provides for a child her real dad had a choice and he decided he didnt want to be a dad and  i was not going to have her be a kid  growing up knowing her real dad didnt want to be a father to her or his oither children i never wanted her to feel unwanted. I would keep it a secret if i could for ever if i could but i know someones big mouth will say something so we want to be the ones to tell her. People have said on here i should of told her already WHY so she could of felt  unwanted  OR to fuck with her head Or to have her sister and brother throw  it  up in her face when they fought that their dad wasnt her dad no  thank you.  S he will see hes a loser and go on with her life and be happy thast what i hope for  i stand by waiting to tell her !!

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    April 7, 2013 at 10:03 PM

    You should tell her before she finds out on her own. My mom lied to me about who my father was and I found out the truth. 


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    April 7, 2013 at 10:05 PM


    This is my reply as well. 

    Thismyoung girls life was a whole lie. Good luck mama. 

    Quoting Anonymous:

    It should have been part of her reality growing up.  You screwed up by not disclosing the truth to her. And when you do tell her (and you HAVE to do so, if only so she will have an accurate medical history) be prepared for her to be pissed ff about it.

    You can NEVER tell her, but if she ever finds out accidently (and it could happen) Then she might feel you cheated and had her.

    Did it ever occur to you that her Bio Dad might re appear? Or worse, one of his children?  In the form of a cute boy in college? Sure it's HIGHLY unlikely...but remotely possible.



  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 7, 2013 at 11:46 PM

    YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT I SAVED MY KID FROM DISPOINTMENT AND NOT FEELING UNWANTED THIS MAN HAS NEVER STEPPED UP FOR ANY OF HIS CHILDREN WHEN WE BROKE UP HE GOT 3 OITHER GIRLS PREGANT WITHEN 2 MONTHS AFTER - MY DAUGHTER HAS KNOWN NOTHENING BUT LOVE AND A DAD THAT HAS BEEN THERE FOR HER FROM DAY ONE I WILL TAKE THAT OVER A DEAD BEAT ANY DAY !!!! SORRY I DONT LIKE DRAMA LIKE SOME OF YOU WOMEN DO - I PUT MY KID FIRST SURE I COULD OF HAD THE DEAD BEAT PAY CHILD SUPPORT BUT THAN MY KID WOULD OF BEEN SUBJECTED TO THE GARABAGE ALONG WITH IT NO THANK YOU HE CAN KEEP HIS DAM MONEY MY KIDS HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME !!! 

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 7, 2013 at 11:57 PM

    WE are going to tell her BUT AFTER SHE GRADUATES HER REAL DAD IS A REAL LOSER AND HAS NOT  WANTED  ANY THING TO DO WITH HER OR ANY OF HIS OITHER CHILDREN SINCE DAY ONE THATS WHY WE NEVER TOLD HER . SHE DOES HAVE A BROTHER AND 2 SISTERS AND AT THAT TIME I THINK SHE MIGHT WANT TO MEET THEM AND I FINE WITH THAT . WE DIDNT TELL HER TO BE SPITEFUL WE DIDNT TELL HER BECAUSE I ONLY WANTED HER TO FEEL LOVE GROWING UP AND MY HUSBAND HAS TREATED HER JUST LIKE HIS OWN I REFUSED TO HAVE HER BE TREATED LIKE SHIT BECAUSE HE TURNED IN TO A SCUMBAG . WHEN SHE GRADUATES WE WILL TELL HER AND AT THAT TIME SHE CAN MAKE THE CALL IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE CONTACT WITH HIM WHICH HE WONT AND THAN SHE WILL BE HURT AND WE WILL BE THEIR TO PICK UP THE PEICES ! THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID BUT THE TIME IS GETTING CLOSE A FATHER IS SOMEONE THAT SHOWS LOVE ,CARES, PROVIDES HOUSING ETC , NOT A SPERM DONER

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