In every grade school class there is that one girl who develops way ahead of the pack. She's the envy of some, the nightmare of others, and an easy target for bullies. And for one sixth grade girl in Missouri, the bullying got really out of control when it started coming from her school administrators who told the 13-year-old to get a breast reduction!
Well, the school got one thing right -- something needs to be done about the boobs. And by that I mean the administrators who would dare tell a child that their body is the problem.
What's next? Telling the overweight girl that she needs to take up an eating disorder so people will leave her alone? Or maybe the schools will start requiring plastic surgery for the kid with the port wine stain?
Or, you know, we could just tell the bullies where to shove it.
Sigh. I wish I could re-write this story for this poor girl, that school administrators would have done their jobs and told the kids picking on her breasts to grow up.
But for some reason this "blame the victim" mentality seems to be entrenched in schools all across this country. It's not just the boobs in the Riverview Gardens School District. A mom recently related that her son was being called a gay slur by his classmates. The school's response? They told her to cut her son's hair.
This is just what the bullies want -- they want to make life harder for their victims, and when districts turn on the kids who are being wronged, they're playing right into their hands. This poor girl is simply growing. She can't help that. But in telling her to get a breast reduction, the school is trying to make science and nature the bad guy here instead of the kids who need to learn some compassion.
Is it any wonder kids are bullies? We still have adults who work with kids and who find it acceptable to treat kids as if their naturally developing bodies are a problem. Until the adults change, this is not going to stop!
Have you dealt with a "blame the victim" issue in your district? What happened?
by moneysaver6January 19, 2013 at 2:15 PMI WAS that girl. I was taller than everyone else and fully-developed by 10. I started having boobs and developing at only 8.
I was made fun of...had boys come up and grab my boobs right out. It was horrible. The message was that I was less of a person because I had boobs and was tall.
For the record...I'm only 5' tall (and wear a 36G bra). After having been the Amazon girl for years, everyone started catching up with me in about 5th grade/6th grade. By 7th, most boys were taller than me. By 8th, many girls were too.
I cannot imagine a teacher telling a child that. Wow!
by moneysaver6January 19, 2013 at 2:17 PMSorry. Still not any better, in my opinion.
Quoting Cafe Amanda:
Oh, I totally agree.
I watched the video last night, but I think the suggestion was made to the mother when she called the school to discuss the bullying situation, not directly to the girl.
It is absolutely inappropriate. I do think there is a difference between an administrator telling a child, "Well, if you want the bullying to stop, get a breast reduction." and maybe a situation where the student is complaining about their chest and says they don't like their body and they don't want to go through this their whole life, I don't want a big chest (blah, blah, blah) and an administrator says, "Well, you could look into breast reduction later on if you feel that way, but for now... blah blah blah". I can see something like that EASILY being turned into "Mrs. So-and-So said to get a breast reduction." You know what I mean? I would just really be interested to hear the other side of the story and the context of the comment. It could have been totally not meant as a solution to the bullying at all. There ARE bad administrators out there, and maybe this person DID make a horrible inappropriate comment. I've just taught enough 8th grade girls to know better than to just accept their word flat-out. I am not calling this girl a liar. Not at all. I don't even know her. I am just saying, it would be helpful to hear from the administrator and to know what the exact conversation was. Know what I mean? Either way, the suggestion is inappropriate and not a solution to bullying issues.
Quoting Cafe Amanda:
Where's the rest of the story about the breast reduction comment? I find it odd that an administrator would say such a thing. I've worked in 4 different schools. I have never met an administrator who would say such a thing. I am wondering what the context was of the comment, if it was made at all. This post leaves a lot of details out. Obviously I don't think the child should be told to get surgery to fix a bullying issue. No one does! Which is why I am wondering what really happened. Even the article (link) said the school district was "looking into it". So, we don't really know what happened yet.
From what I gathered from the video in the news link, it sounds like maybe it was an offhanded comment (perhaps even sincerely trying to be helpful?) by whoever took the call. Regardless of who said it or why, it is absolutely an inappropriate suggestion for the situation, IMO.
I was the same way in middle school (I was a DD). There was always talk from the kids about how I stuffed but things like that didn't phase me. I just chalked it up to jealous flat chested girls. It was the teachers that bullied me more than any of the students. I couldn't figure out why a grown adult would ever want to pick on a child. Still baffles me to this day. I hope the school administrator gets what he/she deserves.
My daughter's school tried to do the whole "well if SHE would to this and this......" when she was being bullied on the bus.. I put the fear of God into that "conflict resolution specialist" (what a bullshit title).
How dare she suggest MY child sit right behind the bus driver when some punk ass kid was telling her he "don't want no honky white bitches" on his bus.
by KRIZZ25January 19, 2013 at 2:24 PMHUM NO WAY IN HELL..I WOULD BE MAKING A BIG FUSS..SOMEONE WOULD GET THAR ASS HANDED TO THEM .
Wow are you kidding me? When I was in middle school I was that girl, the one who developed quickly and had big boobs from age 11 on. I got sexually harassed on a nearly daily basis. If it wasn't the boys harassing me, the girls were calling me a "slut" or "whore" despite the fact that I was a virgin. There were other issues at school as well, but the teachers ignored everything. I had my small group of friends, and for the most part things between us were ok, but it didn't change the fact that every day for three years I dreaded going to school. I can sympathize with the girl in this story, and I'm sorry for the fact that she's being taught that it's her fault for looking the way she does rather than her classmates being taught that it's unacceptable to do those things. I just hope that her home life is better than mine was so that she has somewhere to feel comfortable and safe.
by Anonymous 3January 19, 2013 at 2:29 PM
This reminds me of Mary "gifted" in my school. That is what we called her (hell she called herself that) she was a skinny tiny 90 pound girl with 36 G breasts-she hunched-avoided gym and for her 16th birthday her parents got her a reduction. She freaking blossomed-she stood up straight (all 4'9 inches of her)
HER insurance even psid for it. I htink her parents should have had it done years earlier Not because she was bullied (because she really wasn't) but because it was benificial for her.
(her real last name was giebfree-so the gifted was a play on that and her endowment)
this person should be fired and never allowed to work with underage children! I hate how so many school are always blaming the victim! I have heard it so many times. A child gets bullied and nothing is done by the school to stop it. Then when the victim defents her or hisself they get punished!
January 19, 2013 at 2:30 PMKids are so cruel and it starts with parents. I would not only teach my son how to defend himself but learn how to respect others and not be a bully. If my son was bullied, I would kick the parents ass. Yeah many would say thats the wrong thing to do, but sometimes you got do what you got to do.